Will the label doom me?
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Will the label doom me?
Ugh.. what am I doing here? Well I usually post over on Friends and Family, but have been reading here more and more. I've been able to admit for some time that I thought I was probably an alcoholic but never really did anything about it. I guess to some extent I did the moderation thing and you know, it actually works out ok for me. (For the most part) I guess the reason I’m starting to feel like it’s not ok, is in part my Al-anon.
I started going about two months ago and have found it a wonderful experience. It’s helping me a lot. After going, I just didn't have the urge to drink at all. It was like it just didn't matter, there were so many other important things that I just didn't feel like it. That was a good feeling. I could go without drinking before and it wasn't a big deal but I usually ended up feeling like I deserved a drink sooner or later. So for the last 3 weeks or so, I didn't really drink. I had a glass of wine one weekend and a drink another. Which is unusual for me as I’m one of those drinkers that never stops at just one. So I thought, see.. this really isn't my problem.
Well I think I’m finally ready to state it is a problem. It doesn't make sense for me to call out all the times alcohol has created problems in my life yet continue to say it’s not a problem for ME, I can still do it. I think part of me is scared to say it, to call it Day 1. Mostly because I've been on and off the diet train for 20 years and that’s never worked out for me. Once I say “I can’t do this anymore” I immediately sabotage myself. I guess that’s why I liked the feeling of “I just don’t feel like drinking” that I had the last couple of weeks. There was no expectation. Nothing to fail at.
Well this weekend, I thought I would spend a little time with the hubs. Light the fire pit and have a drink with him. Well it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that didn’t go as planned. We ended up in the same stupid argument we always have. Another ride on the crazy-go-round. So it doesn’t really matter what you label it, for me, for the remainder of this relationship I will simply choose not to drink. I’m tired of so many things and I see it just doesn’t help, doesn’t make sense.
I hope that by labeling this as Day 1 I haven’t doomed myself to failure.
I started going about two months ago and have found it a wonderful experience. It’s helping me a lot. After going, I just didn't have the urge to drink at all. It was like it just didn't matter, there were so many other important things that I just didn't feel like it. That was a good feeling. I could go without drinking before and it wasn't a big deal but I usually ended up feeling like I deserved a drink sooner or later. So for the last 3 weeks or so, I didn't really drink. I had a glass of wine one weekend and a drink another. Which is unusual for me as I’m one of those drinkers that never stops at just one. So I thought, see.. this really isn't my problem.
Well I think I’m finally ready to state it is a problem. It doesn't make sense for me to call out all the times alcohol has created problems in my life yet continue to say it’s not a problem for ME, I can still do it. I think part of me is scared to say it, to call it Day 1. Mostly because I've been on and off the diet train for 20 years and that’s never worked out for me. Once I say “I can’t do this anymore” I immediately sabotage myself. I guess that’s why I liked the feeling of “I just don’t feel like drinking” that I had the last couple of weeks. There was no expectation. Nothing to fail at.
Well this weekend, I thought I would spend a little time with the hubs. Light the fire pit and have a drink with him. Well it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that didn’t go as planned. We ended up in the same stupid argument we always have. Another ride on the crazy-go-round. So it doesn’t really matter what you label it, for me, for the remainder of this relationship I will simply choose not to drink. I’m tired of so many things and I see it just doesn’t help, doesn’t make sense.
I hope that by labeling this as Day 1 I haven’t doomed myself to failure.
I'm glad you're taking the first steps to quitting drinking. Life is so much better without it. 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Don't worry about the label. It's not important. I am a wife, mother, grandmother, friend, co-worker, volunteer and, yes, an alcoholic.
I have found that I focus on recovery as a journey and I love it.
I have found that I focus on recovery as a journey and I love it.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I am a double winner too and started addressing my codependency after I first realized I was an alcoholic (joined AA then Al Anon). They say that recovery is like peeling the layers of an onion, ultimately it is about feeling good in our skin and stopping destructive behaviors.
I hope you will join us in the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours. Before you know it, all those days will pile up and day one will be a distant memory.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...join-us-6.html
to the rest of your life
I hope you will join us in the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours. Before you know it, all those days will pile up and day one will be a distant memory.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...join-us-6.html
to the rest of your life
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