hopeful4

So my DD age 14 has a cheer comp this weekend all weeeknd. My AH will not want to go (I dont blame him, there will be 4k people there, it's more a mom thing, he would be miserable). That being said, it will be the first weekend in a while I am leaving him home all weekend, and he just told me he is off on Monday. I have to work/girls have school.

I guess I am just nervous. I know, Let Go, Let God. And I will. It is just I want so badly for him not to drink this weekend, but I also know I have no control over if he does or does not. My little girl's 8th Bday is the next weekend and all these holidays coming up as well as the 1 year anniv. of his mom and step dad's death all coming up this month and next. It will be very hard for him not to drink, I am sure.

I know there is no answer out there except for within himself. I guess I am just venting really, trying not to let the worry creep in (it's only Monday)!
Thanks for reading!

dandylion

hopeful4---I completely understand your worrys. AA and his sponsor are the ones that should be his support system--especially during times that are very "triggering". You cannot do what AA and his sponsor can do. It is impossible.

You will just wear yourself completely trying to control the things that you hae no control over.

Just food for your thought....

dandylion

befuddled1

I don't have any inspiring words but just wanted to say I completely understand your worry and wanted to send a hug xx

FeelingGreat

Hi Hopeful, sending positive thoughts; I'm sure your husband is well aware of the danger, and I hope all goes well. It's a test, but it had to happen sometime.
All the best...

Lyssy

What will you do IF he does drink? Do you have a plan?

Hoping he doesn't. Enjoy the cheer compilation!

MsPINKAcres

Wishing your daughter the best at her cheer competition!

Please know I don't mean this to be harsh ~ no matter what if you stay, if you go, if it rains or if it shines ~ he could drink this weekend ~ it's not about anything you do or don't do ~ it's all about him.
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it

I can imagine it would be very difficult to not be consumed with worry about it tho ~ suggestions that were given to me when worried about someone was to imagine that person at their happiest, healthiest time ~ for me I could remember my daughter curled up on the sofa in her big red fluffy robe reading a book ~ she was about 17 & before the disease controlled her life ~
So when I was worried about her - I would imagine her at that age again & instead of curled up on our sofa, I would imagine her on her HP's sofa, with Him watching over her & protecting her ~ it was my way of "let go & let God"

Maybe this way, you can give him to his HP, relax, live in the moment and enjoy your daughter's competition ~ be fully present with her ~ making those memories instead of being preocupied with concerns about AH.

Just my e, s, & h

Pink hugs!

hopeful4

I guess part of my nervousness comes from that I do have a plan. If he drinks I plan on making him leave. However for this weekend, I am going to let it all go. If he does he does, I won't even know and i'm not going to obsess with finding out as I will have no way to prove it either way (he drinks at home, alone). I plan to enjoy this time with my DD and my family and not let worry overtake me like I have done so many times in the past. It woudl completely ruin the weekend.

I am slowly realizing that is ok. It has been a challenging couple of days and my codependency has slowly crept in. I know part of that is worry about this weekend, part of it just because it makes me so mad I have to even worry about it, and another part b/c I found out he is getting off probation early for good behavior. This would be a good thing but him being on probation was part of what I was going to use as leverage if I have to fight for custody of my kids.

So I guess i'm just blah. It will get better because I will choose not to let this behavior overtake me.

Thank you all for reading and for being here, I appreciate you all so very much!

Blessings!

atalose

I heard this once at an al-anon meeting:

STOP MAKING UP LIES IN YOUR HEAD FOR THINGS THAT HAVE NOT HAPPENED YET.

I remind myself of that over and over again when my codie thoughts seem to try and take control.

Those thoughts get in the way of the here and now present, we can never fully enjoy the moment when we we are creating lies in our own heads.

Enjoy your time away with your daughter and family, allow those codie thoughts to go on vacation for a while and enjoy the moment.

hopeful4

[QUOTE=atalose;4276624]I heard this once at an al-anon meeting:

STOP MAKING UP LIES IN YOUR HEAD FOR THINGS THAT HAVE NOT HAPPENED YET.

I remind myself of that over and over again when my codie thoughts seem to try and take control.

Those thoughts get in the way of the here and now present, we can never fully enjoy the moment when we we are creating lies in our own heads.

Thank You!!! I am printing this off and putting it by my computer so I remember this all the time. That is just what I am doing and it has to STOP. I have to stop with fearing the unknown and worrying about tomorrow.

Have a grat day!

Katchie

I left for the weekend. I made arrangements that I didn't have to worry about my sons, and your know what... I had a GOOD time because I enjoyed not seeing my AH and looking, listening, watching, etc. for signs he had been drinking. I know he did, how could I not know he was drinking? But praise GOD he did it without my sons in his vehicle, in our home, or anywhere else around them. So, no worries, enjoy your time with your daughter and with yourself. I really enjoyed being by myself. I wasn't really alone with thousands of people at the regatta, but I sat on my own in the sunshine with the beautiful fall colors reflecting off the river watching boats full of young men and women giving their best to compete. It was awesome and relaxing to the max. I hope you can enjoy and see the beauty of your upcoming weekend without worry!!

hopeful4

I called an attorney today intending to make an appt for sometime in December just to know my options and if I have to file what I will need to do, etc. She had a cancellation for today and asked me if I wanted to come in at 4:00 which I am. I told her I am not filing but that I need to know my options, she said no problem. I am quite nervous, almost feeling sick that this is what my life has come to. O well, I need to have my ducks in a row and prepare myself for what I have accepted is most likely path of my future.

Thanks for reading.

Wisconsin

Good luck, Hopeful...I hope you come out of the appointment feeling stronger and more sure of yourself, and less panicked about the future. ((hugs))

atalose

Hopeful4, that is a very smart and healthy decisio. Hope it went well and you have a better understanding of what might be involved.

((hugs))

hopeful4

Well, I went to the attorney yesterday. It went well, I felt better. He told me to take my time and when I am ready he will be ready. He said 50/50 custody is not nearly as common as I seem to think it is and with my AH history that I really should not worry about that. It made me feel loads better. I then talked to my sister who reminded me that although my husband is a binge drinker he does love his kids and she sincerely doubts that he would want to drink while he has time with our kids. It all just made me feel alot better and alot more in control of my life.

Wow...it's alot easier to say goodbye to a 16 year relationship legally than I ever thought. Sad but a relief.

So now I work on me and know that if it does come to that I have options.

Thanks again everyone for reading, supporting me, and all the kind words. I have no idea what I would do without you all!

Wisconsin

I am so, so glad you are feeling better! I am such a proponent of talking with an attorney because I know how much better people can feel after they have more information about their legal rights. ((hugs))