jade123

I just let someone go out of my life that I had been seeing casually for 2 years. I absolutely loved this person, and I had to let them go because I had to face the fact that they were choosing alcohol over me, and that I would never get sober as long as I continued to see them. I've drank on nights when I didn't even feel like it, just to be near them (in the bar). And always gone overboard. Whatever I would drink, they would drink far more. That's the last kind of company I need to be around. And they loved and adored me when they were drunk. So I felt loved and adored, neither of which I've felt very often especially growing up with an alcoholic father. But when they were sober they were so uncomfortable in their own skin they couldn't stand to be around themselves let alone me. I did everything I could to try to "fix" what was wrong, convinced it was me. It was something I must have done. I'm still learning how to really understand that it was never me. I guess Al-anon is in my future.

I recently attempted to get sober (I wrote about it pretty extensively in a thread here) and then fell off the wagon basically because I put this person above my sobriety. And so I lost both.

I'm learning I'm very attracted to people who favor alcohol over me. That was a pattern established early on, beginning with my father. It feels very liberating to be free of this person but it's also painful. But I know it's for the best.

That's it. I hope everyone had a healthy & fulfilling weekend. Tomorrow's a new day. I guess sobriety really is a process, even just sorting things out at the starting point sometimes. Feeling hopeful.

neferkamichael

Jade123, rootin for ya.

csd

Hi Jade, I wish you all the best, this quote helped me at times, I hope it helps you just a little.


“close some doors today. not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere”

― Paulo Coelho



wish you all the best

jade123

Thanks, that's a great quote.

least

It may hurt now, but I think you did the best thing for yourself by putting distance between you two. I hope your life brings you peace.

Threshold

Hugs.

But wow! what a personal revelation you've made and what a powerful decision. I think that is a sign that you are no longer chained to the pattern of picking men who choose booze. When we see it, we then have the freedom of choice.

I think you have every reason to be hopeful and I thank you so much for sharing this here, it will help many of us.

jade123

Thanks for all your kind words. Yeah this is pretty huge... because if I went out drinking, it was always at this bar where they hung out. I liked it there even without their company but still, feeling loved is as intoxicating for me as being drunk. And mixing being drunk with feeling loved at the same time? Forget it. I couldn't get enough of either. That relationship and alcohol abuse went hand in hand. I think it will be much easier now.