SteppingStone

So..........after my last thread, my RXABF & I have decided to clear up this business with the van. He is going to ask his brother for a loan so that he can pay me for the van, sign the papers over then that's it! No contact & we both go our separate ways.

He will get the loan tomorrow (Monday) then come to my work to sign the papers on Tuesday so looks like Tuesday is the Big Finale!!! The end of our 5+ years together. All my hard work, the effort I put in, the things I put up with, my staying power...................GONE! Just like that. I love him so much & thought that, after everything, I would finally reap the benefits of all my hard work & loyalty towards him. It feels like it was all done in vain now & I just feel lost.

I feel its like a sand timer, counting down the minutes until Tuesday........................to even more loneliness, heart break, devastation and its killing me! I cant cope with the thought of him not being in my life anymore. I never wanted it to be this way.

We haven't argued and we know its for the best. We both know we love eachother to pieces but I don't know if that's what makes it so difficult to accept.

Seren

sbfoxy

I understand very well the pain you are feeling, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this....but going through it is the only way out of it. Deciding to end a relationship because it is for the best, even when both still have feelings -- well it's very hard.

After one particular relationship I had ended, I too, felt as if he owed me something for all that we had been through. We both still cared about one another. But he didn't owe me anything--not one thing.

Over the years, I've learned that Love means doing what is best for the beloved.
I've learned that sometimes doing what's best for the beloved means that they are no longer part of my day-to-day life.

I've also learned that time does heal the pain...I'm speaking to you 'from the other side' so to speak!

I'm sorry that you have to see him again and know that it will be a painful day. Sending lots of support and hugs and prayers that all goes well!

Danae

Hi Foxy,

I know what it is like to be stuck. What sometimes helps me is to reframe the situation. (Sorry if this sounds goody-two-shoes, but for me it works).

So, where you say that you worry it has all been in vain, you could say to yourself: Well, I'm not ending up with him but who knows what comes next? It may be opening doors that I can't even see right now, leaving me open to someone new, or new situations.

You are telling yourself that it will be "more loneliness, heartbreak and devastation" but what if you let that go? Sure you will be sad, but telling yourself may be reinforcing it as the only option.

Could you try saying to yourself: OK, this is going to be tough, and I'll be sad, but maybe leaving him (and knowing him) has changed me in such a way that new good things may come my way?

I find that this self-talking can get me out of what feels like an impossibly hard situation. Maybe just think about one thing that will be better, one thing to be grateful for?

Oh, and let go of the idea that you aren't reaping any benefits from your years of hard work. Maybe the benefits aren't what you wanted, and maybe you can't see them yet, but I'm willing to bet they are there. You are probably a stronger, more insightful person. You may someday be able to help other people due to your experiences (like many others here on SR), possibly a loved one. And yes, I understand that probably isn't what you want right now.

Not saying any of this to minimize what you are feeling. Hope Tuesday goes as well as it can.

Danae