Babofan

Hi all,
Sober four months today, but...
Was trying to just say a simple hello, turned into what I felt was becoming a major rambling. Then realized after typing a bit, didn't want to put you poor people through my life story from DNA until this afternoon. Just really confused, have lost everything that ever mattered, depression is out of control, trying to figure out if I even care enough to try to start life over again.

least

Let us care about you until you can care about yourself. We are here to help.

Babofan

Thanks so much, Least. I've been in the SR wings for quite some time now, from the outside looking in, one might say. A quick response from you was helpful. Thank you.

SereneEdition

Hi Babofan -

Congrats on 4 months - this is quite an accomplishment. We're here to listen when you'd like to share.

hayley86

Welcome Babofan, congrats on 4 months sober. You will find a lot of support here. I'm glad you have joined us. Best wishes.

afloatsober

I too lost everything that i thought i could lose.
At the end i lost myself, my hope and my sense of wonder.
All was hopeless and i was so sick that i thought my final sacrifice to this disease was to be my life.
I stopped, was stopped,helped to stop....
However it happened i finally quit the unrelenting destruction of myself.
This morning the river is beautiful, i am sober and i truly am sat here wishing for you the gift of sobriety and health.
Hope has returned by the grace of 'others'.
Don't drink just for today and it WILL get better.
G

Babofan

I have just been having to deal with so much over the past two years ; diagnosed and beating cancer (for now) divorce from the best friend I had ever made in my entire life, having to relocate from an area of the country that I loved and miss (Boston) back to Florida, which I absolutely hate, even though I grew up here.

afloatsober

Well done for beating cancer, and these days it does get beat frequently.
My wife divorced me after 26 years and i was heartbroken. All down to my drinking sadly.
Career of thirty years, my home, dignity self respect and i was told i would die if i drank again.
What did i do when sat in these ruins.
Drank.
And it got worse yet.....
Insanity and death were my prospects, with nobody to say what a fine man he was.
A wreckage of a life.
Not today.
Today i do WHATEVER it takes to not drink!!!
I am rebuilding with help.
If you stop, so can you.......

G

UnixBer

Don't worry about it. Nice to have you here. It's a free world so you can ramble as much as you like. Especially here where the folk is very highly tolerant... a real gem SR is, thanks to the people of course.

Well done on beating cancer. I've heard many stories where people have successfully eliminated cancer for good.

tootsl1

Babofan, sometimes it is difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there is one, and it isn't always an on coming train! Keep sober and you will get there. My feelings from you are a sense of isolation and adjustment. Take each day at a time and things will slowly resolve. Meantime stick around, we're not going anywhere x

Babofan

Hi, Toots
Love your doggie picture. So cute!
I see where you are coming from, I really do. Im just at such a point where my depression is so much at a point where it's not just waking up and being depressed, it's more about being depressed about actually waking up. Plus, I have been experiencing a lot of physical pain in the area where I had "the cancer" cue Sally Fields in the taxi in "No Country for Old Men" thing is, I'm sorry to say, I'm just really having a very difficult time trying to care about living. Life at all!?!

FeelingGreat

Hi babofan, I'm struggling though a difficult time myself, but not as hard as your changes I know, but the one thing I've got that no-one else can control is that I'm sober, and I'm so proud of that.
I'd love to hear more about Boston vs Florida. From what I understand lots of people from the north move to Florida for the weather?

onthebrink

There are a lot of wonderful, caring people here. Please don't give up. I know you've been through a lot, I can almost feel the pain in your posts. But you DO matter and you ARE worth it. You just have to get to the point where you can see that again, it is there though. You've just buried it under the alcohol. Be well my friend, let us help you.

IOAA2

I say this too shall pass. Sure not as fast as we like things to happen but you have a great chance if you continue to not drink and work on sobriety each day. The expression "it works if WE work it" is very accurate. Hang on one day/minute at a time.

BE WELL

Babofan

Hi everyone,
Managed to sleep most of the day away. It seems like that is the only time that I can feel at peace with myself, even then though, I end up dreaming about my wife and all things lost. Need to try to care enough to maybe try to figure out some way to see if there is help available for the increasing amount of pain in my neck area (where my cancer was located) as I also lost all insurance coverage with the divorce. I have actually been dealing with the pain since March or so, but at the same time, kind of wishing and hoping for it to be the worst case scenario. I just haven't cared. All of your kind words do mean so much though. I never knew such support could help so much.