In need of some encouragement
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 6
In need of some encouragement
Hi all,
I joined this site close to a month ago when I broke up with my ABF after nearly 5 years of dating. I left our home together and moved back in with my parents. I know how lucky I am to have a family to support me through this process, but as I'm sure you all know, it's difficult for those who have not walked this path to truly understand the pain.
My emotions over the past month have been all over the place. In my heart I know that this is the right decision for me. I know what kind of life I want for myself, and being with an alcoholic is not the life I want. I am proud of myself for committing to a better life and following through on my word to not settle for the pain and suffering I felt with him.
There have been many days though (today being one of them) where I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him terribly and it kills me because I obviously still love him very much. I feel for him and often think of him as a lost soul wandering through life all alone. I know it is not my job in life to guide him in the right direction, but a part of me feels guilty for leaving....I know, I know, I shouldn't feel this way...but I do. I find myself thinking of the good times we had together and I have to keep reminding myself that those good times were overshadowed by the bad. Why is it that when we are going through a break up we often put the blinders on and seem to forget about those bad times?
I know many of you out there can relate and I'm just in need of some positive encouragement today.
I joined this site close to a month ago when I broke up with my ABF after nearly 5 years of dating. I left our home together and moved back in with my parents. I know how lucky I am to have a family to support me through this process, but as I'm sure you all know, it's difficult for those who have not walked this path to truly understand the pain.
My emotions over the past month have been all over the place. In my heart I know that this is the right decision for me. I know what kind of life I want for myself, and being with an alcoholic is not the life I want. I am proud of myself for committing to a better life and following through on my word to not settle for the pain and suffering I felt with him.
There have been many days though (today being one of them) where I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him terribly and it kills me because I obviously still love him very much. I feel for him and often think of him as a lost soul wandering through life all alone. I know it is not my job in life to guide him in the right direction, but a part of me feels guilty for leaving....I know, I know, I shouldn't feel this way...but I do. I find myself thinking of the good times we had together and I have to keep reminding myself that those good times were overshadowed by the bad. Why is it that when we are going through a break up we often put the blinders on and seem to forget about those bad times?
I know many of you out there can relate and I'm just in need of some positive encouragement today.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I find myself thinking of the good times we had together and I have to keep reminding myself that those good times were overshadowed by the bad. Why is it that when we are going through a break up we often put the blinders on and seem to forget about those bad times?
Sadly, the good times are over once addiction steps in.
You are wise to recognize this, and I am sorry for your sadness. Hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. The difference between a bad day and a good day is usually about 2 days.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
The feelings that you have are natural. Heartbreak sucks!
Eventually, with time and energy, you will feel less and less. Maybe at times the feelings may jump out at you. Normal.
Many of us had the heartbreak blues. Hugs to you.....
Eventually, with time and energy, you will feel less and less. Maybe at times the feelings may jump out at you. Normal.
Many of us had the heartbreak blues. Hugs to you.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by ADKgirl 
Hi all,
I joined this site close to a month ago when I broke up with my ABF after nearly 5 years of dating. I left our home together and moved back in with my parents. I know how lucky I am to have a family to support me through this process, but as I'm sure you all know, it's difficult for those who have not walked this path to truly understand the pain.
My emotions over the past month have been all over the place. In my heart I know that this is the right decision for me. I know what kind of life I want for myself, and being with an alcoholic is not the life I want. I am proud of myself for committing to a better life and following through on my word to not settle for the pain and suffering I felt with him.
There have been many days though (today being one of them) where I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him terribly and it kills me because I obviously still love him very much. I feel for him and often think of him as a lost soul wandering through life all alone. I know it is not my job in life to guide him in the right direction, but a part of me feels guilty for leaving....I know, I know, I shouldn't feel this way...but I do. I find myself thinking of the good times we had together and I have to keep reminding myself that those good times were overshadowed by the bad. Why is it that when we are going through a break up we often put the blinders on and seem to forget about those bad times?
I know many of you out there can relate and I'm just in need of some positive encouragement today.
I joined this site close to a month ago when I broke up with my ABF after nearly 5 years of dating. I left our home together and moved back in with my parents. I know how lucky I am to have a family to support me through this process, but as I'm sure you all know, it's difficult for those who have not walked this path to truly understand the pain.
My emotions over the past month have been all over the place. In my heart I know that this is the right decision for me. I know what kind of life I want for myself, and being with an alcoholic is not the life I want. I am proud of myself for committing to a better life and following through on my word to not settle for the pain and suffering I felt with him.
There have been many days though (today being one of them) where I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him terribly and it kills me because I obviously still love him very much. I feel for him and often think of him as a lost soul wandering through life all alone. I know it is not my job in life to guide him in the right direction, but a part of me feels guilty for leaving....I know, I know, I shouldn't feel this way...but I do. I find myself thinking of the good times we had together and I have to keep reminding myself that those good times were overshadowed by the bad. Why is it that when we are going through a break up we often put the blinders on and seem to forget about those bad times?
I know many of you out there can relate and I'm just in need of some positive encouragement today.
Good for you for leaving!
Kari
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vancouver Canada
Posts: 37
I'm struggling with this myself and am literally in the same boat as you (at 34 i moved back in with my mom-god help us both). I was speaking with my therapist today and she said "even thougj you're seperated do you see yourself as broken up" and i had to honestly answer "no". Because i won't ever stop hoping he gets better and come back to me, in my heart of hearts. But then i think how many nights did i cry at the ceiling begging my spirit guide to get me out of there...and now that i am, is it right to wish i was with him?
If i go back i know fate will say "sorry kid, we gave you your out...you are to face what happens with him in the future."
If i go back i know fate will say "sorry kid, we gave you your out...you are to face what happens with him in the future."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 79
My Recovering Addict Ex-Boyfriend of 5+years moved out 4 weeks ago after 7 months of abstinence, saying he was doing it for me because I deserve better and he needs to concentrate on his recovery. I am devastated! It was all so sudden, no fall out, nothing. Why can't I be in his life anymore?
Like you, I know it is for the best, in the long run but I just cant imagine being happy ever again. We still love eachother so much so why cant we just be happy together?
He said we should have no contact and go our separate ways but I cant imagine life without him by my side
Also, like you, I could do with some encouragement because I know I cannot do this alone. I hope we are both able to get some strength, hope and courage to carry on until we see better days. You are not alone.
*Gentle Hugs*
Like you, I know it is for the best, in the long run but I just cant imagine being happy ever again. We still love eachother so much so why cant we just be happy together?
He said we should have no contact and go our separate ways but I cant imagine life without him by my side
Also, like you, I could do with some encouragement because I know I cannot do this alone. I hope we are both able to get some strength, hope and courage to carry on until we see better days. You are not alone.
*Gentle Hugs*
AlmA
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Sorry ADK....
I used to put excuses for others... I can not help it either...
Is not his fault... etc.
But at the end of the day... he takes the decision to continue...
you gave him support to stop and has continued...
So it is time for you to continue with your life...
It is hard but he is the one who has to change...
you can not do a thing... no matter how much you talk to him, beg him...
he is blind he can not see through...
Move on, You have the Right to have a life!!!
Never be ashamed, you done what you could it is up to him now...
Do not stop your life because he wants to stop his....
I can tell you by first hand as I am an user...
Be Free and enjoy everyday you can do not feel Guilty..!!!
He chose a path and you choose other...
I used to put excuses for others... I can not help it either...
Is not his fault... etc.
But at the end of the day... he takes the decision to continue...
you gave him support to stop and has continued...
So it is time for you to continue with your life...
It is hard but he is the one who has to change...
you can not do a thing... no matter how much you talk to him, beg him...
he is blind he can not see through...
Move on, You have the Right to have a life!!!
Never be ashamed, you done what you could it is up to him now...
Do not stop your life because he wants to stop his....
I can tell you by first hand as I am an user...
Be Free and enjoy everyday you can do not feel Guilty..!!!
He chose a path and you choose other...
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