Kindeyes

I had a long discussion about personal accountability with a friend yesterday. It is amazing how we as humans blame others for our own participation in life.

For instance, if we let someone back into our homes (an addict for instance) and things go sideways because they relapse (or whatever), we often blame them for the problem. Yet we have personal accountability for letting them move back in.

If we lend someone money and they don't pay us back, we get angry and blame them because they don't pay us back. Yet we have personal accountability for lending them money in the first place.

We let someone borrow our computer and they break it, we get angry with them. Yet we could have made the decision to say simply say "no".

I'm not suggesting that there is not accountability on the other side of these examples, I'm merely saying that it may not be reasonable to feel "victimized" in these situations.

Are you a victim or a volunteer? Do you become angry with yourself for being "duped" (again?) and take it out on another? Can you give examples of something you may have participated in yet blamed the outcome entirely on the other person? Do you use love as your excuse? Does anger and blame resolve anything?

Just my thoughts for today........

gentle hugs
ke

KeepinItReal

This is a really good message. I keep in my mind that NO ONE can make me feel a certain way unless I allow them to make me that way. My emotions and my feelings are my responsibility.
It's very important to stop taking credit or for others successes or taking accountability for others failures. It will help no one in the situation.

Kindeyes

THAT is a little nugget of gold........

Thank you!

gentle hugs
ke

mayabee

Victim or volunteer? A great question to ask myself in dealing with my AS. It is also a good question to ask when facing situations with other challenging people. KE, thank you.

LoveMeNow

Wow Kindeyes, your post couldn't have come at a better time for me. I have been thinking about this a lot in the past few days. Sadly, my list of not taking personal accountability is far too long to list here but I am making that list in my journal. Thank you for this post, it has given me an opportunity to really look at myself.

Ann

I may have been a victim the first time my son stole from me or the first time he turned our home into a war zone. I would never in a million years expect this from my son.

But every single time after that, I was a volunteer. I thought each time I repeated my behaviour when he repeated his, the outcome would be different. That's the definition of insanity....so I plead insanity for allowing my life to turn into a ride into hell.

Good food for thought, Kindeyes.

Hugs

Vale

Of course we all volunteered.

We each did it for our own reasons.

Mine?
1. I was helping her? (Nah....that's BS and I knew it from day 1)
2. It was the right thing to do? (Sounds nice, great cover, but BS also.)
3. She was family? Nope (thank God)
4. I'm a general altruist (read: good guy). I like this one!...but NOPE, it's
also BS.....I have never 'helped' anyone in my life.

I kept coming up with these GREAT reasons......but unfortunately
I was full of (insert you fave synonym for excrement).

What did Meth guy say on "breaking bad"(BB)?
(you simply MUST forgive my complete ignorance of all things BB---I only saw the finale
'cuz I was away from home 9/29 & it was a sociological event---like the last MASH)


"I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was alive"

....pretty sure the context was his (wife?) thinking he was
going to feed her a line that he 'did it for her'.

The very least we can do in life.....is be honest with ourselves.

........All else is but dust and air (Gladiator?)

needingabreak

Thanks for the reminder Kind Eyes. We need to hear this from time to time to keep focused and be truthful to ourselves.