joshlyman

I went out to a bar last night and go so drunk that I blacked out and cannot remember the last two hours of my night. No recollection of anything. I walked out on my tab. The only thing I remember is passing out in my bathroom at home and my dad coming in and moving me to my bedroom because he didn't want my little sister to see me like that.

Right now I am in the lowest place I've ever been. The shame, the embarrassment.... god knows what I said and how I acted at the bar while I was in a blackout.

I'm here for good now. Sober for good. The illusion that I had that drinking once in a while would be ok and that it was all a part of having a "fun" night is gone. There was nothing fun about last night and I expect to be feeling shameful about it all weekend.

Tonight will be my first AA meeting. I am terrified but also excited. I can't wait to meet sober people and start my sober life!

DoubleDragons

It is good, Joshly, that you have come to terms your problem. It is also good that you posted so that you can look back on your post should the AV try telling you that this past night was "all in fun."

firstymer

Remember this day, Josh. Remember it in 3 days and in 3 weeks and in 3 months. Remember it whenever you are contemplating your next drink. You know that you don't want to return to this place in your life. So don't. Good luck tonight.

soberclover

For many of us we have to have something really crappy happen to us in order to get us to open our eyes. It's funny how this feeling starts to go away after time (especially when the alcohol has left our body) and we feel like we are ready to drink again and "do it different this time". We can TRY to do if different but the ending is always the same...it is a trainwreck. I'm glad you are going to a meeting and I'm looking forward to reading how you are doing

least

I'm glad you're back and giving it another go.

Carlotta

Here is the link to the 24 hours club.
Welcome back Joshlyman http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-join-us.html

awuh1

Good plan Josh. Let us know how the meeting goes. All the best to you.

SoberForMySon

AA is changing my life in just a week. Let us know how it goes! You never have to feel this way again.

Hevyn

Welcome back Joshly. Sometimes we need further proof that we must give it up. No more kidding ourselves about moderating. It sounds like you're ready this time. We are with you.

Dee74

I'm sorry you had top go through that but I'm glad you're back. Hope the meeting goes well

D

joshlyman

Hi everyone, quick update

I drove to an AA meeting on Friday night but became so overwhelmed that I sat in my car for the entire hour and didn't make it in.

But I decided to try again last night (Saturday) and went into the meeting and had a wonderful time. Met some wonderful people and it wasn't at all intimidating or anything that I had expected it to be. I was definitely the youngest person there but there was something comforting about that. I can't wait to go back and I really think this will be the key to my sobriety.

awuh1

Your experience is more common than you might realize.

Thanks for letting us know Josh. You may have helped someone struggling with that same fear to find their way past it and get some help.

All the best to you.

neferkamichael

Joshlyman, I'm back for good? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Rootin for ya.

firstymer

It took a lot of courage for you to go back to the meeting on Saturday. You should be very proud of yourself for doing that. Congratulations. Stay strong!