New here! 1 week sober..on probation dui..must stay sober!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 10
New here! 1 week sober..on probation dui..must stay sober!
Hi all, I've been lurking the past couple weeks, I'm glad I found this site. I have had a huge wake-up call and it's forcing me to be a sober me... Since I can remember I have always had to have a drink to "make things more fun" when I was younger, before marriage, I was a party girl thru college, the first to say "Let's all do a shot!" Over the years, I started to hide my drinking, I would give myself excuses for why I didn't have a drinking problem. "I drink good wines, I go to work the next day, I only drink at night or on weekends, I'm too pretty to be a drunk, drunks are this, that etc," every excuse I could think of, I said it.
My downward spiral became so much that I began to hide it in water bottles even to go to a pool to swim, even at the gym, even at the park when my kids were playing, I would bring a little drink in a thermos. I would enter in obstacle course mud runs and drink a margarita after instead of water! Pathetic. I made it in my head that life was more fun if I could have a drink with it, anything from "my favorite show is on, to sporting events, to it just being a beautiful sunday afternoon!"
On the outside I'm always smiling and use my appearance to mask alot of what I feel or the person I feel like I am inside. I divorced an abusive man last year, left with my 7 year old twins and have been trying to get on my feet since that. I'm embarrassed to talk about what I had to go thru with him sometimes because it makes me feel weak. He is no longer in the picture and I'm raising my boys pretty much alone. I had been drinking a bottle of wine each night after they go to bed to deal with the loneliness. Each morning the same, wake up feeling like crap and repeat. One night my boys had an overnight stay at a friends and my girlfriends asked me to go out, I wish I would have stayed home that night, but perhaps it's a blessing in disguise. We went out and of course I drank too much. I was stupid and got in my car to drive myself home and was pulled over for a tail light being out. Well you can guess what happened next. I failed the Field Sobriety Test and told the officer "I'd like to see you do these stupid tests" and was brought in immediately. I blew a .20. That qualified me for the "extreme drunk" and Class A Misdemeanor. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I spent the night in a cell in tears. Bonded myself out for $500, had a friend take me to get my car out from the tow lot all while I'm puking my guts out hungover! I hired and attorney and just had my court hearing and plead guilty last week. My attorney did help me get my fines lowered and less probation than was asked in liu of jail. i had never even had a speeding ticket prior to this, but here is what I ended up with:
$2,500 Attorney
$800 Court Fines
$18 months probation @ $60 per monthly visit
1 year Interlock (but lawyer says he can get it off in 9 months) at $85 per month
20 Hours Community Service
12 Hours alcohol classes
MADD Victim panel
3 month lisence suspension (I obtained an occupational license, I have 30 days left)
SR-22 Car Insurance - new rate $55 per month
Having the interlock in my car (with camera!!!) has been a mortifying experience, having to blow to start my car while my kids watch is awful, I park far away from everywhere so I don't have to have anyone watch me blow to start my car! I know I'm grateful just to be allowed to drive. I'm also really lucky I did not hurt myself or anyone else, I admit there were many times over the years, I probably should have been pulled over, but wasn't.
In Texas, Probation also means NO DRINKING. I will be randomly tested. If any evidence of alcohol is found, it's a violation of my probation. The old me would have tried to be sneaky and try and calculate how much I can drink and get away with, but I'm just too scared to try. Today is one week sober for me. I have to find a way to celebrate life in all it's greatness in a way that doesn't include "having to have a drink to make it more fun." I have 2 beautiful boys that I want to be the best example for, that need me! I don't want to drink anymore! Drinking never made my life more fun, it was just a mask!
My downward spiral became so much that I began to hide it in water bottles even to go to a pool to swim, even at the gym, even at the park when my kids were playing, I would bring a little drink in a thermos. I would enter in obstacle course mud runs and drink a margarita after instead of water! Pathetic. I made it in my head that life was more fun if I could have a drink with it, anything from "my favorite show is on, to sporting events, to it just being a beautiful sunday afternoon!"
On the outside I'm always smiling and use my appearance to mask alot of what I feel or the person I feel like I am inside. I divorced an abusive man last year, left with my 7 year old twins and have been trying to get on my feet since that. I'm embarrassed to talk about what I had to go thru with him sometimes because it makes me feel weak. He is no longer in the picture and I'm raising my boys pretty much alone. I had been drinking a bottle of wine each night after they go to bed to deal with the loneliness. Each morning the same, wake up feeling like crap and repeat. One night my boys had an overnight stay at a friends and my girlfriends asked me to go out, I wish I would have stayed home that night, but perhaps it's a blessing in disguise. We went out and of course I drank too much. I was stupid and got in my car to drive myself home and was pulled over for a tail light being out. Well you can guess what happened next. I failed the Field Sobriety Test and told the officer "I'd like to see you do these stupid tests" and was brought in immediately. I blew a .20. That qualified me for the "extreme drunk" and Class A Misdemeanor. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I spent the night in a cell in tears. Bonded myself out for $500, had a friend take me to get my car out from the tow lot all while I'm puking my guts out hungover! I hired and attorney and just had my court hearing and plead guilty last week. My attorney did help me get my fines lowered and less probation than was asked in liu of jail. i had never even had a speeding ticket prior to this, but here is what I ended up with:
$2,500 Attorney
$800 Court Fines
$18 months probation @ $60 per monthly visit
1 year Interlock (but lawyer says he can get it off in 9 months) at $85 per month
20 Hours Community Service
12 Hours alcohol classes
MADD Victim panel
3 month lisence suspension (I obtained an occupational license, I have 30 days left)
SR-22 Car Insurance - new rate $55 per month
Having the interlock in my car (with camera!!!) has been a mortifying experience, having to blow to start my car while my kids watch is awful, I park far away from everywhere so I don't have to have anyone watch me blow to start my car! I know I'm grateful just to be allowed to drive. I'm also really lucky I did not hurt myself or anyone else, I admit there were many times over the years, I probably should have been pulled over, but wasn't.
In Texas, Probation also means NO DRINKING. I will be randomly tested. If any evidence of alcohol is found, it's a violation of my probation. The old me would have tried to be sneaky and try and calculate how much I can drink and get away with, but I'm just too scared to try. Today is one week sober for me. I have to find a way to celebrate life in all it's greatness in a way that doesn't include "having to have a drink to make it more fun." I have 2 beautiful boys that I want to be the best example for, that need me! I don't want to drink anymore! Drinking never made my life more fun, it was just a mask!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
to SR! I'm sorry for all that has happened to you but maybe it's a blessing in disguise if it gets you to stay sober. Your kids need you to be fully present in their lives and you can't do that if you're drinking. Not to mention what would happen if you violated your probation...
I'm glad you're moving toward a sober life. It's worth it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hey txsunrise,
Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of advice and friendly folk here.
Your story really touched me, especially the parts about needing to drink to do just about anything anymore. I also used to bring the plastic bottle to the pool, to the gym, anywhere I thought I could get away with it (which was pretty much everywhere). I also felt that life was boring without a drink and convinced myself I could stop whenever I wanted since it was a choice...until it wasn't and I couldn't. I hated drinking in the end. It was no longer fun. It was killing me but I just couldn't seem to stop...
I didn't get a DUI but had a horrifying professional embarrassment that took my alcoholism from hidden to public really quick.
I agree that this DUI, while expensive and a b!tch, is probably just the wakeup call you needed.
Do you have any outside support (intention to join a program or recovery group) in addition to SR? I don't know if part of your probation includes mandatory attendance in recovery groups or not. It does here but every state is different. I only ask because sometimes, especially early on, all the support you can get is definitely beneficial.
You sound like you are very self-aware and had the fortitude and preservation to leave an abusive relationship so I know you will be successful here too.
Please stick around and keep posting.
Sending warm wishes your way!
Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of advice and friendly folk here.
Your story really touched me, especially the parts about needing to drink to do just about anything anymore. I also used to bring the plastic bottle to the pool, to the gym, anywhere I thought I could get away with it (which was pretty much everywhere). I also felt that life was boring without a drink and convinced myself I could stop whenever I wanted since it was a choice...until it wasn't and I couldn't. I hated drinking in the end. It was no longer fun. It was killing me but I just couldn't seem to stop...
I didn't get a DUI but had a horrifying professional embarrassment that took my alcoholism from hidden to public really quick.
I agree that this DUI, while expensive and a b!tch, is probably just the wakeup call you needed.
Do you have any outside support (intention to join a program or recovery group) in addition to SR? I don't know if part of your probation includes mandatory attendance in recovery groups or not. It does here but every state is different. I only ask because sometimes, especially early on, all the support you can get is definitely beneficial.
You sound like you are very self-aware and had the fortitude and preservation to leave an abusive relationship so I know you will be successful here too.
Please stick around and keep posting.
Sending warm wishes your way!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 10
Least - Thank you so much, I agree with you 100%, I appreciate your kind words! 
Ptcapote ~ Thank you for taking the time to write and sharing a glimpse of our similarities, I appreciate it and can relate to "being found out" even if the circumstances differ. I thought i could hide this side of myself but who am I kidding. I don't have any support groups, I do have to attend 3 AA classes as a part of my Occupational Drivers License, while I think a group setting could be helpful to me, I don't have any family here and have to rely on friends when they are not too busy with their own lives or hire baby-sitters for me to be able to attend. I will most likely be posting here alot!!! Especially at night, that seems to be the time I feel like popping a cork. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!
Ptcapote ~ Thank you for taking the time to write and sharing a glimpse of our similarities, I appreciate it and can relate to "being found out" even if the circumstances differ. I thought i could hide this side of myself but who am I kidding. I don't have any support groups, I do have to attend 3 AA classes as a part of my Occupational Drivers License, while I think a group setting could be helpful to me, I don't have any family here and have to rely on friends when they are not too busy with their own lives or hire baby-sitters for me to be able to attend. I will most likely be posting here alot!!! Especially at night, that seems to be the time I feel like popping a cork. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
TX - Welcome sister. You are one of us and you belong here. THank you for being so honest in your post. I am quite sure there are many of us who will benefit from reading it today and for days to come.
My heart goes out to you. What you are dealing with is a challenge for sure, but not beyond the scope of ability. I know how damn hard this is, but it is doable.
Just wanted to reach out and say glad to have you.
XO AO
My heart goes out to you. What you are dealing with is a challenge for sure, but not beyond the scope of ability. I know how damn hard this is, but it is doable.
Just wanted to reach out and say glad to have you.
XO AO
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 10
Thanks Alpha!! Very kind of you, your signature line makes me laugh..lol..I used to think there was truth in wine, I'm so glad I will never again get on Facebook after drinking a bottle of wine..LOL
it will be a good feeling to not look in my sent box the next morning cringing!
it will be a good feeling to not look in my sent box the next morning cringing!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome, txsunrise. Court-mandated or not, you have been sober for a week. That is a huge accomplishment. And you should be proud of that.
I hope you will post often and keep us informed of your progress. SR has been a godsend for me. The people here are so helpful, and so supportive. I have been an alcoholic for 20 years. I joined SR on August 26, 2013. I haven't had a drink since then.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
I hope you will post often and keep us informed of your progress. SR has been a godsend for me. The people here are so helpful, and so supportive. I have been an alcoholic for 20 years. I joined SR on August 26, 2013. I haven't had a drink since then.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
We have all done things we are ashamed of when under the influence of alcohol. That's the nature of the disease. It destroys what little self-esteem you have left and tosses you out. I'm really glad that you found us, and I do think what happened is a gift to you. You have two young children who need their mother to be present and healthy and you are on your way to improving your life and theirs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Rogersville, Tennessee
Posts: 2,659
I'm just finishing up with the consequences of my DUI. Mine was in March of this year. I will have 8 months sober next week. That night may have saved m or someone else's life. I know how embarrassing some of the conditions can be, in the long run they will be a tool for me to use to never put myself in that position again.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome txsunrise. I think the support & friendship you'll find here will really help.
I feel for you - I've been through this. Once wasn't enough - I did it twice. First time I was considered a 'first time offender' - so it wasn't too bad. Second offense I had punishment similar to yours. We were so blessed to not have harmed anyone. I never set out to drive drunk - always thought I'd have 'just one or two'. Yeah, right.
I made the decision to stop all together. I couldn't trust myself to ever have control. It feels so good to be free of it.
I think the support & friendship you'll find here will really help.I feel for you - I've been through this. Once wasn't enough - I did it twice. First time I was considered a 'first time offender' - so it wasn't too bad. Second offense I had punishment similar to yours. We were so blessed to not have harmed anyone. I never set out to drive drunk - always thought I'd have 'just one or two'. Yeah, right.
I made the decision to stop all together. I couldn't trust myself to ever have control. It feels so good to be free of it. Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 101
Hi txsunrise,
Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to so much of it, the party girl reputation, the DUI, even the drinking after a mud run! I finally embarrassed myself so much in front of a coworker that I put my marriage and my job in jeopardy. That was 8 days ago. I stopped drinking 5 days ago.
We have to make a change. We can't go back to that life. I made the biggest mistake of my life a week ago and as ashamed and guilty as I am, I'm trying to use it as an everyday reminder of how important is it that I never drink again.
We can do this. Everyone on SR is so kind and understanding, it's been a life saver. We've all made horrible mistakes, but there's no judgment here. It's not too late to become better people. It's never too late to improve our lives.
Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to so much of it, the party girl reputation, the DUI, even the drinking after a mud run! I finally embarrassed myself so much in front of a coworker that I put my marriage and my job in jeopardy. That was 8 days ago. I stopped drinking 5 days ago.
We have to make a change. We can't go back to that life. I made the biggest mistake of my life a week ago and as ashamed and guilty as I am, I'm trying to use it as an everyday reminder of how important is it that I never drink again.
We can do this. Everyone on SR is so kind and understanding, it's been a life saver. We've all made horrible mistakes, but there's no judgment here. It's not too late to become better people. It's never too late to improve our lives.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 10
Wow you guys, thank you so much, I feel overwhelmed with your kind words and the positive encouragement and sharing, thanks so much, I'm so glad I found you all. This is an odd Friday night for me, my kids are in bed and I would typically be finishing up a bottle of Moscato by now on a Friday, but not this Friday! Tomorrow I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror and not scowl at my red-eyed reflection.
Thank you all very much!
Thank you all very much!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Originally Posted by txsunrise 
One night my boys had an overnight stay at a friends and my girlfriends asked me to go out, I wish I would have stayed home that night, but perhaps it's a blessing in disguise.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Txsunrise, so glad u joined SR and the 24 club. I just got my license back after 8 years about 8 months ago. 3 DUI's. This could all be a blessing in disguise.
You may have hurt someone.
When I was in jail 8 years ago for my 3rd there was a young lady who was in there for drunk driving , she backed out of her driveway into a car going by and there was a baby in the back seat and the baby was killed. That women was serving 8 years for DUI involuntary manslaugter. That means she is just getting out this year.
It could have been so much worse for you and you will learn so much from this, AA and MADD.
You will get through. That 8 years for me actually went faster than I thought. I did drive once in all that time all messed up on benzos. Thankfully I made it home. Unfortunately even after that 3rd DUI, I still wasn't able to stay sober after in patient treatment. I stayed out there till about 1yr 8 months ago and slipped once in that time. Life is good now! I hope you learn quicker than I did!
You may have hurt someone.
When I was in jail 8 years ago for my 3rd there was a young lady who was in there for drunk driving , she backed out of her driveway into a car going by and there was a baby in the back seat and the baby was killed. That women was serving 8 years for DUI involuntary manslaugter. That means she is just getting out this year.
It could have been so much worse for you and you will learn so much from this, AA and MADD.
You will get through. That 8 years for me actually went faster than I thought. I did drive once in all that time all messed up on benzos. Thankfully I made it home. Unfortunately even after that 3rd DUI, I still wasn't able to stay sober after in patient treatment. I stayed out there till about 1yr 8 months ago and slipped once in that time. Life is good now! I hope you learn quicker than I did!
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