jdooner

I was at my meeting last night and I have noticed a big change in the last week. Interestingly it was how I listen to music that made it click - I am an addict in every sense of the word. This does not mean I have needles stuck in my arm. In fact, I have never tried many drugs and the ones I did were not that often. But I have a compulsion that when I do something that provides pleasure (i.e., hear a song I like) then I do it over and over till its all gone, gets old, last call, run out of money, whatever... This same compulsion has thrust me to high level professionally.

So with this knowledge, I just let go. Never going to change the way my mind is wired, why fight. I jumped from the plane. I cannot drink, drug, or do many things like normal people who can recreationally. I have found this recent peace from letting go that is indescribable. I am happy. I tried to force this early on but it was insincere and therefore lacked the peace. In fact, it came with much turmoil. I am also working on meditation to center and balance myself and work to teach me how I can't change things I can't change so why bother.

I am not cured, fixed or anything like that. In fact, I am working my steps, hitting 3 meetings a week, seeing my therapist weekly and have no intentions of slowing or changing in spite of my recent progress. But as Dave Mathews say, Everything is Different and, "I am so damn lucky."

Anyhow, today is a really good day and the past few have been pretty good too.

MIRecovery

It is wonderful when you see there is a way out. The more good days you have the more good days you have

GotGrace

That is terrific jdooner! What a nice peace you must feel. Enoy!

ImperfectlyMe

Of course I can't not comment when you quote my favorite person! You are fortunate to have such a deep self awareness, this will serve you well. Keep up the amazing outlook you have. I'm proud to call you my friend, and even prouder to have witnessed your growth.

Ps it's ok to listen to the same dave song over and over and over I've been doing it for 20 years! And yes you really are, "So damn lucky"

Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds - So Damn Lucky (Live at Radio City Music Hall) - YouTube

jaynie04

Oh Lord...now I am feeling like you guys have been in my back yard.....Dave, Hootie and Rob Thomas, over and over and over and over.......

I love your insight about playing the same song over and over when you first like it...whoa, what is up with that, I thought it was just me, never even though about the alkie connection. Now how do I channel that obsessiveness to doing sit-ups??

jdooner

Jaynie, I said the same thing last night at my AA meeting and 80% of the room had the same reaction. I knew I was in e right place. Yep, funny how that was what precipitated my miracle. Just can't fight this ****. And yes, I have definitely been in your back yard:-)

In terms of sit-ups, I obsess about that it just takes two weeks over feeling like crap before it gets into the routine. I am also lazy sometimes and drinks, drugs, sex and music were always easier than sit-ups, push-ups and pull ups.

Imperfectly me - I am damn proud to be your friend. See you in WV.

DoubleDragons

The first song I played non-stop was "Turn Me Loose." - yep that ages me. Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" is another one that I couldn't get enough of listening pleasure. I played Robin Thicke's "Good Girl" an entire weekend morning as I was cleaning my bathrooms. I also love, love yoga chants - they are long and repetitive. Glad I'm not the only one!!

jdooner

DD that's the thing your not alone. Your just like me, Jaynie, IM, Gotgrace, MIR and host of others. I used to think I was so unique in a good and bad way. I also felt like I was on the island of misfit toys and gues what, I fit. Here, in AA and prob a bunch of other places. It was easier to just realize this is who I am and why fight it. For 20 yrs I tried to fit a square peg in a round hole and drank to deal with the friction.

Pink Foyd, Neil Young, Samples, Widespread Panic, Bob Marley, Toots, Peter Tosh, Dead, The Cure...yup that was me.

Marcher13

I so identify with this jdooner. Like you I've found this really useful in work and study but in other areas it can be problematic. In this stage of my recovery I'm trying to achieve more peacefulness and mindfulness so my compulsive music playing is Gregorian chants.