Told my loved one I have a problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 101
Told my loved one I have a problem
Day 4
Last night I told my husband I wanted to stop drinking bc I feel I'm an alcoholic. I listed out plenty of embarrassing situations that were problematic for our relationship bc of my drinking. I wrote it all down for him to read in case I didn't have the courage to say it out loud. Which I didn't. It made sense to him, he was surprised, thinking it came out of the blue, but of course, it didn't.
Then I had to admit the catalyst for telling him. That I'd hit bottom last Thursday after acting inappropriately toward a coworker after 9 hours of heavy drinking. Drinking heavily for 17 years equals more shameful and embarrassing moments than I care to remember, however this one takes the cake as the stupidest and most hurtful.
So I decided I needed to stop. The first three days were full of guilt & shame, but less of a desire to drink. I usually start drinking at lunch on Thursday and carry on through the weekend, so today's going to be hard. I've surrounded myself at work with hard drinkers and have to avoid at all cost going anywhere with them.
And it's Halloween. A holiday I usually take the day after off of work knowing full well that I'll be too hungover to function.
So this is day 4. I can do it. I have to do it, there's no other option. I want my husband back. I want my life back.
Last night I told my husband I wanted to stop drinking bc I feel I'm an alcoholic. I listed out plenty of embarrassing situations that were problematic for our relationship bc of my drinking. I wrote it all down for him to read in case I didn't have the courage to say it out loud. Which I didn't. It made sense to him, he was surprised, thinking it came out of the blue, but of course, it didn't.
Then I had to admit the catalyst for telling him. That I'd hit bottom last Thursday after acting inappropriately toward a coworker after 9 hours of heavy drinking. Drinking heavily for 17 years equals more shameful and embarrassing moments than I care to remember, however this one takes the cake as the stupidest and most hurtful.
So I decided I needed to stop. The first three days were full of guilt & shame, but less of a desire to drink. I usually start drinking at lunch on Thursday and carry on through the weekend, so today's going to be hard. I've surrounded myself at work with hard drinkers and have to avoid at all cost going anywhere with them.
And it's Halloween. A holiday I usually take the day after off of work knowing full well that I'll be too hungover to function.
So this is day 4. I can do it. I have to do it, there's no other option. I want my husband back. I want my life back.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
welcome ygctldy
as a first step finding this site was a great one, there are lots of supportive people here who Know what you're going through.
Look around all the forums read, ask post, keep checking in it can definitely help
My first time here I saw mention of RR/AVRT, I goggled it and took their free online crash course, it was tremendously helpful. The strategy they discuss I found very helpful especially in the very early goings.
wish you well and hope to see you around
as a first step finding this site was a great one, there are lots of supportive people here who Know what you're going through.
Look around all the forums read, ask post, keep checking in it can definitely help
My first time here I saw mention of RR/AVRT, I goggled it and took their free online crash course, it was tremendously helpful. The strategy they discuss I found very helpful especially in the very early goings.
wish you well and hope to see you around
to SR! You are among friends here as you begin your sober journey. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
You sound like a courageous person. Have you thought about trying an AA meeting? In these very early days, a meeting usually feels like someone just handed you, a person literally going under for the third time, a life jacket. It can mean the difference between trying to recover, and actually recovering. Meetings are very easy to find with just a bit of online research.
Congratulations on what will be one of the best decisions of your life!
Congratulations on what will be one of the best decisions of your life!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 101
Thank you so much for the kind words & encouragement. I would like to go to meetings. I'm working on finding a group. After my DUI (13 yrs ago and somehow, fortunately, the only one) I did community service at a site that held meetings, of which I attended plenty. Though at that time I didn't think I was like everyone else bc I was so young and would grow out if it. If I had just listened more and realized that everyone was just an older version of me I wouldn't be where I am today. But hindsight is 20/20. So here I am. Avoiding lunches, going away parties, happy hours and basically everyone I know while I try to make it to day 5. How did I never realize that everything revolves around drinking - work functions, tv commercials, Halloween? Isn't that a kids holiday? I just want to get home and curl up in a ball and disappear. I need to work on repairing a very damaged relationship with my husband but I'm consumed with trying not to drink. He doesn't understand how ashamed I feel or how much I hate myself. I want to put him first but not drinking is all consuming.
Thank you all again for your support.
Thank you all again for your support.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi catlady 
I'm so happy to see your positive attitude. There's no doubt you can do this. I drank for many years and it just kept getting worse. In the end - once it was in my system I was always doing hurtful, stupid things. It was such a relief to be rid of it.
Lunavix - Welcome! You found a great place. Congratulations on your 4 days.
I'm so happy to see your positive attitude. There's no doubt you can do this. I drank for many years and it just kept getting worse. In the end - once it was in my system I was always doing hurtful, stupid things. It was such a relief to be rid of it.Lunavix - Welcome!
You found a great place. Congratulations on your 4 days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 101
Thank you all. It's really starting to sink in how bad it had gotten. A lot of negative things in my life, most really, from job loss to damaged relationships, can be directly linked to me putting drinking first. I haven't been able to see it as clearly as I am now and I feel even more guilty and ashamed that it took me so long to do anything about it. Staying cooped up in the house forces me to reflect on my life and I realize how stupid I've been for so long.
I still don't have the courage to go anywhere and deal with questions as to why I'm not drinking, instead I'm in total avoidance mode. I still have to figure out how to get out of a going away happy hour for my boss tonight. My coworkers are the people I partied most with. If I can get through today I'll be really happy.
Thanks again for the support.
I still don't have the courage to go anywhere and deal with questions as to why I'm not drinking, instead I'm in total avoidance mode. I still have to figure out how to get out of a going away happy hour for my boss tonight. My coworkers are the people I partied most with. If I can get through today I'll be really happy.
Thanks again for the support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 101
Thank you Hevyn. I made it home. I even talked to my job about changing my hours so that I can leave earlier, thereby avoiding the pressure from my coworkers to go out after work. I'm trying to focus on one day at a time, but I'm not ready to tell people at work that I have a drinking problem so I basically have to come up with excuses not to go out to lunch (which always included drinks) and not to go out for happy hour (which always turned into a very expensive blackout).
But right now I'm home and I'm safe. I'll deal with that on Monday. Today I'll focus on getting healthy and feeling better, mentally & physically. And working on repairing the damage I've done to my marriage.
It will get better. All of the positive reinforcement and understanding on SR is immensely helpful. Thanks again to everyone.
But right now I'm home and I'm safe. I'll deal with that on Monday. Today I'll focus on getting healthy and feeling better, mentally & physically. And working on repairing the damage I've done to my marriage.
It will get better. All of the positive reinforcement and understanding on SR is immensely helpful. Thanks again to everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi youngcatlady, and welcome!
Sorry I am late to say hello but did want to thank you for your story and tell you how glad I am that you're here.
I understand 100% about the job with the heavy drinking co-workers. I work in a field and in a city where martini lunches and 3-4xs/week happy hours are the norm. Heck, it's expected. My boss is a very heavy drinker and so she has always sort of turned her back on some behaviors of mine (like not showing up to work a day or two a week or at least very late because I was so hungover) that I would have been fired for in any other circumstance. Plus my co-workers were/are also my closest friends so to say I had a lot of explaining to do is a bit of an understatement.
Here's what I did if it is of any help to you. In the first few months I also stayed home and away from situations where I would be tempted. I also changed my work hours. Eventually, I just said that I had stopped for awhile for health reasons---which was definitely true. At least in terms of my mental health. It's kind of hard for people to pressure you about that without coming off as looking like callous a$$holes. After about three months, most of them just stopped asking me (amazing how quickly they will forget---and these are 10+ year relationships) and I said that I felt so much better not drinking that I was just going to stick with it.
Some people will recommend saying you're on antibiotics or something like that but I would avoid it. It has a finite end period and people might ask if you're finished with your meds yet.
So if you're not comfortable saying that you have a drinking problem or that you've decided to quit cold turkey, that's one suggestion. If your co-workers are heavy drinkers too, they will likely avoid a big conversation about it anyway because it might bring about a conversation about their drinking.
I'm almost nine months sober now and no one has asked me to go drinking in about five months. They don't even think about it. It's just like they all got the internal memo that I do not drink anymore. I thought I would feel left out but, honestly? I feel great showing up to work on a reliable basis now not hungover and actually ready to work.
Hang in there, the benefits of sobriety are amazing. And don't fret about the thing with your co-worker. It surely feels awful now but it may have been a blessing in disguise.
Take good care and best wishes!!
Sorry I am late to say hello but did want to thank you for your story and tell you how glad I am that you're here.
I understand 100% about the job with the heavy drinking co-workers. I work in a field and in a city where martini lunches and 3-4xs/week happy hours are the norm. Heck, it's expected. My boss is a very heavy drinker and so she has always sort of turned her back on some behaviors of mine (like not showing up to work a day or two a week or at least very late because I was so hungover) that I would have been fired for in any other circumstance. Plus my co-workers were/are also my closest friends so to say I had a lot of explaining to do is a bit of an understatement.
Here's what I did if it is of any help to you. In the first few months I also stayed home and away from situations where I would be tempted. I also changed my work hours. Eventually, I just said that I had stopped for awhile for health reasons---which was definitely true. At least in terms of my mental health. It's kind of hard for people to pressure you about that without coming off as looking like callous a$$holes. After about three months, most of them just stopped asking me (amazing how quickly they will forget---and these are 10+ year relationships) and I said that I felt so much better not drinking that I was just going to stick with it.
Some people will recommend saying you're on antibiotics or something like that but I would avoid it. It has a finite end period and people might ask if you're finished with your meds yet.
So if you're not comfortable saying that you have a drinking problem or that you've decided to quit cold turkey, that's one suggestion. If your co-workers are heavy drinkers too, they will likely avoid a big conversation about it anyway because it might bring about a conversation about their drinking.
I'm almost nine months sober now and no one has asked me to go drinking in about five months. They don't even think about it. It's just like they all got the internal memo that I do not drink anymore. I thought I would feel left out but, honestly? I feel great showing up to work on a reliable basis now not hungover and actually ready to work.
Hang in there, the benefits of sobriety are amazing. And don't fret about the thing with your co-worker. It surely feels awful now but it may have been a blessing in disguise.
Take good care and best wishes!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 479
Hi Ptcapote,
Thanks for your post. It's great to hear that you have surpassed the tough stage at work or home where everyone else is drinking and wondering why you are not! I'm just beginning,but your suggestions are very helpful. I am looking forward to a few months down the road where people do not even remember how much I relied on drinking in social situations and I may be able to continue doing so without it.
Thanks for your post. It's great to hear that you have surpassed the tough stage at work or home where everyone else is drinking and wondering why you are not! I'm just beginning,but your suggestions are very helpful. I am looking forward to a few months down the road where people do not even remember how much I relied on drinking in social situations and I may be able to continue doing so without it.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
YCL, telling my hubby was my first and hardest step, but I needed that openness to make it all real to me, as I had been hiding behind self deception for too long.
Tell people whatever you need to, health lies are good. Or take jogging shoes to work and begin a health kick! Gets you out of the drinking culture and gets you fit. Win-win!
You can do it, if this old dog lady did it, a young cat lady should manage too!!! X
Tell people whatever you need to, health lies are good. Or take jogging shoes to work and begin a health kick! Gets you out of the drinking culture and gets you fit. Win-win!
You can do it, if this old dog lady did it, a young cat lady should manage too!!! X
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 345
way to go youngcatlady, there is power in telling another your struggle, it sets you free from the shameful, embarrassing grip of it all - that takes a lot of courage, you are a strong young lady (who loves cats)
congratulations on day 6 today too!!!
congratulations on day 6 today too!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Welcome!
I'm not ready to tell people at work that I have a drinking problem
So don't. I wouldn't.
The only people I would tell are my close family and other people in AA. And speaking of AA, you might want to try it. It's hard to stop drinking by yourself, especially when the non alcoholics in your life don't "get it" and co-workers are asking you to drink with them.
I'm not ready to tell people at work that I have a drinking problem
So don't. I wouldn't.
The only people I would tell are my close family and other people in AA. And speaking of AA, you might want to try it. It's hard to stop drinking by yourself, especially when the non alcoholics in your life don't "get it" and co-workers are asking you to drink with them.
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