another ? - custody battles?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Indianapolis, In
Posts: 112
another ? - custody battles?
My ex is grilling my daughter about my SO. He has an inkling that he drinks but I am sure he doesn't know how much. And he would absolutely go OFF if he knew just how much. I'm scared. Can he take the kids away from me because of SO's drinking?? And my SO's 22 YO son stays with us on weekends and just got his second DUI...my ex would go NUTS if he knew that. He already knows that son gave my daughter a sip of his whiskey and he threatened to call the prosecutor and have him arrested for that. My daughter wasn't forced...she's 14 and curious. It was wrong of him to give that to her and wrong for me to allow it. But it seemed harmless at the time.
Anyway........I'm scared. I want to tell my A SO to leave just so I don't put my kids in jeopardy. He's good to and for my kids.....much better than their control freak father. BUT....on paper.......multiple DUI's........he doesn't look like the model step father. What do I do???
Anyway........I'm scared. I want to tell my A SO to leave just so I don't put my kids in jeopardy. He's good to and for my kids.....much better than their control freak father. BUT....on paper.......multiple DUI's........he doesn't look like the model step father. What do I do???
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Nightowl.....I may not be very comforting to you, but I would put my children 1st....a 22 year drinker w/my 14 year daughter.....not a good combination! 14 year old girls have the strangest idea of who is cool......
Legally I have no idea what the ex could or couldn't do, but trying to protect his children is his job....he is their father.
Take some time, put yourself in his shoes and your childrens. Being a parent is a tough job with no instructions....................Constant
Legally I have no idea what the ex could or couldn't do, but trying to protect his children is his job....he is their father.
Take some time, put yourself in his shoes and your childrens. Being a parent is a tough job with no instructions....................Constant
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: close to the FLAMES!!
Posts: 129
I would have to agree with Constant. I know with my ex that if he had custody of the kids and his gf or w had a drinking problem and was drunk/using around my kids, I would be stepping back into court. This is one reason why I will not allow my h to use/be drunk at home- if he wants to drink, go hard, but NOT around my kids anymore (the doors are locked when he's out, I have the only key).
My ex has been clean and sober for 7 months now, working his program very faithfully, and his life and head are getting back in order (YEAHHHHH). When he was using, he didn't focus on the kids, now that he's clean he has become a dad again, and IF my kids were living with a drunk, there would definitely be a custody battle going on. Just thought I'd share this.
Do what you have to do to protect your kids, put their needs ahead of the a's, and your ex will have nothing to grumble about.
BTW: How is that bubble bath??!!
-SFG29
My ex has been clean and sober for 7 months now, working his program very faithfully, and his life and head are getting back in order (YEAHHHHH). When he was using, he didn't focus on the kids, now that he's clean he has become a dad again, and IF my kids were living with a drunk, there would definitely be a custody battle going on. Just thought I'd share this.
Do what you have to do to protect your kids, put their needs ahead of the a's, and your ex will have nothing to grumble about.
BTW: How is that bubble bath??!!
-SFG29
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 323
I have to be truthful here. You are risking the safety of your children for a man with a drinking problem to be living with you. The DUi are bad. His son should not even be allowed in the house after giving yourf daughter a drink. ITT is a big bad thing. Your Ex has a right to be upset. Any good parent would. No way a drinking alcoholic would be better for your kids. dax
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Birthplace of Rock & Roll, Home of the Blues
Posts: 233
Food for thought - 'Contributing to the deliquency of a minor' charges can exist regardsless of if the minor consented or not.
Try contacting legal aid if you need specific advice regarding your legal rights.
However, you are not in a position of strength if he decides to go back to court. Look at the balance.... control freak Dad who has everything under control on paper vs. nurturing mom with A SO and his A 22 son around his 14 year old daughter.
She also may give your ex truthful answers to his grilling rather than MYOB. She shouldn't be burdened by secrecy of the situation as that's not fair to her either. Think about the life lessons you are teaching her is that what you want her to learn?
I know this is really stressful so be kind to yourself, you are human.
Try contacting legal aid if you need specific advice regarding your legal rights.
However, you are not in a position of strength if he decides to go back to court. Look at the balance.... control freak Dad who has everything under control on paper vs. nurturing mom with A SO and his A 22 son around his 14 year old daughter.
She also may give your ex truthful answers to his grilling rather than MYOB. She shouldn't be burdened by secrecy of the situation as that's not fair to her either. Think about the life lessons you are teaching her is that what you want her to learn?
I know this is really stressful so be kind to yourself, you are human.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
dump the relationship. you kids are blood, they are your gift from god. everyone else that comes into your life has to be adding to it.. not detracting from it.
i went thru a horrible custody battle and let me tell you. if you think that dealing with an A is hard... dealing with the possible loss of your kids is much much harder. and very expensive.
i dont mean to sound harsh, but truly.. when you are in an A relationship.. you dont see the results and the harm being done to your kids nearly as clearly as you do once you step back and step away from all that unhealthy spirit.
trust to god, seek his help in giving you the strength to do whatever the "next right thing" is.
ps. once you step away.. you will be amazed at how much happier and healthier your kids will be physically, spiritually, and mentally. and yourself too.
i went thru a horrible custody battle and let me tell you. if you think that dealing with an A is hard... dealing with the possible loss of your kids is much much harder. and very expensive.
i dont mean to sound harsh, but truly.. when you are in an A relationship.. you dont see the results and the harm being done to your kids nearly as clearly as you do once you step back and step away from all that unhealthy spirit.
trust to god, seek his help in giving you the strength to do whatever the "next right thing" is.
ps. once you step away.. you will be amazed at how much happier and healthier your kids will be physically, spiritually, and mentally. and yourself too.
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