skarletstarlet

Hey everyone, long time no talk

So my AF is in rehab as of last tuesday. He has been doing really well and he likes the meetings. He says he identifies with a lot of what they say encompasses alcoholism. He is very happy with the program. Problem is, three nights ago he got a new roommate who didn't detox properly. He is apparently addicted to alcohol but also drugs and is convulsing, shaking, swearing, etc. in his sleep. My AF says he likes the program but the lack of sleep is interfering with his involvement.

He has spoken to the head counsellors at his center who told him to "suck it up buttercup" and "this is not a hotel" which I totally get, but when there are three empty rooms with two beds each, I just don't get why they won't move him. This guy scares the crap out of my AF and he can't sleep. I called my contact there and another person answered and told me the same thing they told him "if you don't like our rules, leave!"

ugh. So he has packed his bags and he's on the next bus home. I've told him to go to his parents and that I won't stand by him if he's drinking.

hopeful4

I hate to say, if he was not getting anything out of it he may as well leave. Hopefully he can try to find an alternative. As far as telling him to go to his moms...GOOD FOR YOU! The worse thing I could have ever done was let my husband come home right after rehab, and he did finish the 28 days there. I wish I would have waited for at least a year, maybe more. Maybe never, I don't know. That is beside the fact.

I just wanted to say I feel for you and what you are going through and think it is admirable of you to tell him to go to his moms! Stick to YOUR boundaries and work on you!

Florence

I disagree. Part of rehab is learning to live with people who don't always do what you want and experiencing conflict in a controlled environment. Learning to move through life while experiencing discomfort without quitting, without making excuses, without using, and sucking it up buttercup, is, IME, a part of the program. Your A is not a doctor, he's telling you things that may not be reflective of what's actually going on (this was a hard lesson for me to learn, because why would he lie to me?).

That said, since he made the decision to cut out early (and let's be real, he just needed a reason) I'm proud of you for not inviting him back home. When my AH pulled this the first time around, it never occurred to me that I could refuse to pick him up and let him right back in the home where we left off. My hat off to you.

Hammer

ummm, yeah.

For "buttercup," it is NOT supposed to be Cub Scout Camp.

This stuff sucks and that awareness of how bad it can get (btw, it can get worse), is a BIG part of the rehab. The Low Bottom drunks SHOULD scare the High Bottoms. Good.

Stuff some humble pie in his mouth, and beg the rehab to take him back.

Pride is a VERY expensive luxury. Only High Bottoms think they can afford it. Most Low Bottoms sold their pride at a personal bankruptcy auction some time ago.

hopeful4

I too realize it is not camp and is not going to be a rosy experience all around and that it should SCARE them. I simply mean if he has already cut and run and has in his head he is not going back that I hope he finds other help. I guess I am a rehab skeptic for some places. My husband went to a rehab for alcohol abuse. There were people there who were addicted to powerful drugs that got much more focus than the alcohol abuser. It was almost as though O well, you have an alcohol problem, suck it up. These people have real problems. I have said it seemed more to me like a little vacation for him than rehab. It was a waste of alot of money that we did not have at the time. I wish we would have checked the place out before and not made a rush decision and invested the money in a program that actually helped him instead of just keeping him out of jail.

That being said, I hope you realize that if he goes back or if he goes somewhere else, that is up to him. It is not your job to call and beg them to take him back, it would be his job. It is also up to him to find an alternative if that is the solution.

Good luck and again, make sure you find time to work on you!

Hammer

A+

A+

Never do for *them* what they can do for themselves. You will only get blame and resentment.

Besides, for everything else there is Mastercard. Wait a sec. . . . . there is their HP. Never did need us, anyway.

From the AA promises . . . .

"We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."

Let them claim that for themselves.

And let us claim our well-being for us.

skarletstarlet

I agree with all of you on your different points. My family care counsellor just called and said it isn't showing in his file that he has left yet... we shall see. I phoned his parents to let them know and they are angry, but his dad is an A so I'm not really sure he has the right to be angry when he himself has been drunk 6/8 days that my AF has been gone. He will more than likely relapse being there with his dad, but again, not my problem.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I know he wanted to do something special when I visited this Saturday. I won't be in contact if he has left. I will focus on the kids and taking them trick or treating. Plus I have nursing school stuff to worry about.

Anyways, my care counsellor said since he left on good terms (e.g. not being kicked out for breaking the rules) he can come back as soon as they have another bed available, but he has to wait at least 21 days for a new group of men.

Ruby2

This is only my experience and my opinion. I am an alcoholic and my AH is also an addict. i detoxed in the psych ward of a local hospital (because they did not have a dedicated detox unit or treatment) and then transferred to in patient at a different facility an hour fromhome for treatment. That facility had a detox unit but since I was already detoxed i went to a different side of the floor from detox. New patients who were disruptive and detoxing were placed separately from those further along in their detox and not so disruptive. New patients who were still detoxing could attend group sessions but did not have to, especially if they were likely to be disruptive.

The treatment center wanted to make sure that people got sleep. Any AAs out there? We avoid getting hungry, angry, lonely and tired. Anyone in rehab is likely to be vulnerable, tired maybe angry and possibly hungry if you were drinking your three square meals a day like I was. The treatment center did not want anyone to undergo those things while recovery was just starting.

As treatment and detox progressed, and people got their heads together and more free from the clouds, that was when any interpersonal issues were or might be addressed with toughen up butter cup. Not when someone was brand new in the process.

I don't know if your friend is quacking. There are different types of treatment centers. Mine took people from across the spectrum from educated people with jobs and families like me, to people who were frsh out of county jail. It was a warm, safe environment but strict about the rules. some places may handle things differently than others and may very well have said that to your friend. I would not have found that helpful in the least in my treatment to have to be afraid of my roommate and not get sleep. I would not have learned as much or gotten as strong as I did. Especially if i was afraid of someone. treatment isn't punishment. It is there for really sick people to heal or start the healing process.

I also have to say that if anyone was super disruptive or was sharing their glory days of drug or alcohol abuse they were called on it. If it continued they were asked to leave because it was setting the other patients up and interfering with their recovery.

I think it is a good idea that you told your friend that he could not stay with you. If he is serious he can go back in the 21 days. Maybe a different roomie. Maybe a different facility. If he wants to do neither and does not follow through, then he is quacking.

OnawaMiniya

Happy birthday

Carlotta

I have experience with tweakers through my job and combined with the strain of early sobriety I can see why your friend eould freak out. I do not see how rooming with someone in that condition would benefit his treatment. The counselor was probably not willing to go through the red tape of moving the addict.
That being said, good for you for sticking to your guns.
if your friend is serious and not quacking, he can go to another treatment or stay out, sober and attend AA.
Time will tell.

NWGRITS

I don't have any advice for you other than it does seem somewhat counter-productive, if it's the truth. (((Hugs)))

And I'm going to assume (quite possibly wrongly) that your username is from "Off to the Races" by Lana del Rey. Wonderful singer, excellent album!

skarletstarlet

Thanks for the bday wishes it has been OK....

Except that his brother called me to tell me he's been out 36 hours and is now wasted. Thanks brother in law!! Cuz I needed that stress on my birthday.

I love Lana Del Ray. Summertime Sadness. But nope! My username is from Otherside by RHCP

Ruby2

Sorry that you got that news on your birthday. Just remember to take care of yourself. His brother may have been telling you that for any number of reasons. Maybe his own frustration. But it isn't your responsibility that he gets sober. It is his.

Hugs and hope you had a good birthday.

NWGRITS

Oy. We never get to enjoy the special days when an A is involved. :-/

My other guess was RHCP, but I've had Lana on my Rhapsody app for a couple of days now.