animalnurse9

My ex has agreed to talk to me tonight. I'm waiting for his call. Sometimes there's nothing worse than waiting. My stomach is in absolute knots. Praying for the right words and praying for him to have an open mind. So scared!

Skye2

Good luck - hope things work out the way you want them to

animalnurse9

Thanku.im sure ill post after.so nervous.

GracieLou

I am not sure what is going on but it does not matter. We are here to support you no matter what.

Jeni26

Good luck. Remember your first priority is to stay sober no matter how the meeting turns out.

Let us know how it goes x

MythOfSisyphus

Good luck AN! Hope it went well...

animalnurse9

Didn't go well.post tomorrow.

Skye2

Hey don't go - and please don't drink on it.
Sorry things didn't go as you wanted, but is there still any hope? Even a few weeks/months down the line?

Hugs to you Xx

Kaneda8888

AN

Sorry to hear that. Pls remember to protect your sobriety. Drinking won't change the past. Look after yourself. Vent hear as much as possible if it helps

Naptime

AnimalNurse, once you go into some detail, I think I have some decent advice on what your next step should be with your ex. (not drinking over it is a given.) I'm going through the same as you and I made the mistake of drinking over it. (that was so counter productive it's crazy.)

Ptcapote

AN, been following your post for awhile and just wanted to send some support and love.

I am so sorry for this situation with your ex. I know how very difficult it is to try to get and stay sober with this going on at the same time. I understand the awful cycle of anger/shame/remorse/anger...

Here's the thing: you are NOT going to make it better or stop it until you stop drinking. I know how hard this is to see from inside the pain. My drinking and the actions I took when drinking hurt many, many people. Including an ex who I loved very much and thought I would marry. I would stop, then my mind would go over how "bad" I was and how I was never, ever going to be able to make up for what I'd done...but I'd try. And, usually, because the pain was so raw for them and the need to hurt me back or retaliate (or make me understand my actions), it would go dreadfully. And then I'd be off to the races again. This went on for years.

Here's what I know to be true after many years: you cannot fix anything while you are still actively drinking or using. Not one little thing. At least not permanently. And no matter how many attempts you make, it is not going to get better until YOU get better.

When you get sober and put some time behind you, there will be an opportunity to try to make amends or apologize for past wrongs. That is a part of most recovery programs and also just makes good sense. But that time is NOT right now. It is not tomorrow and it is not next week. Or next month.

Let your ex go for right now, AN. Yes, it hurts like a sonofab!tch, I know. But please believe me that once you get sober and have some time to think clearly and are off the emotional rollercoaster, things will look a heck of a lot different. You will have more ideas and options and be able to approach things rationally and not from a place where you're careening from one emotional crisis to another.

Again, I know how hard all of this is to hear and how, when you're in the midst of this, it seems like it doesn't make sense or won't work.

But if you can, please try. Step off the rollercoaster. It WILL get better. It DOES get better.

I promise.

Sending you lots of love and strength. Please keep posting. I'm thinking of you.