augforce

Greetings everyone.
I am currently roughly 48 hours Norco 7.5-free and feeling like I just got dumped and/or have lost a close family member. Been crying tons the last 24 hours and just feel generally hopeless and confused--like I just had my heart broke in the worst way possible. Like I lost the greatest friend I ever had.

I started taking 5mg Norco twice a day for back pain due to a car accident about a year ago. At first, it was for pain but when I started realized how great the 'buzz' was, I was taking more (up to 4-5 at a time sometimes twice a day). I'd run out early and have to wait a week or two before my next PM appointment. I had WDs each time but it seemed like it was over in a couple of days.

Then, the demons took over.

4-5 weren't doing it for me anymore and before I new it I was out within a week. Thats when things got hairy. I would visit pain clinics and get short supplies from time to time (15-20). Then I realized my father-in-law had 120 per month 7.5's. He would give some to me from time to time as he never comes close to using them all within a month.

Suddenly, something inside snapped.

I began to steal a few at a time when I figured out where he kept them. It just got worse and worse until he eventually figured out someone (not necessarily me) was taking them and he's put them someplace else--which, I guess, is very good for me. Knowing this, I do not plan to ask for any more as I'm already ashamed of myself for being so dirty.

So, here I am after taking 4-5 7.5 once or twice a day for several weeks suffering through (by choice) cold turkey.

Not much physical pain to speak of--general soreness/weakness, tiredness, not much GI problems (yet) and AWFUL RLS. I manage the general pain with 500 mgs of Ibuprofen, which doesn't really help my main back pain but takes the edge off. Sleeping has never been much of an issue when WD because I have a script of Trazadone and I also take 10mg of Lexapro. For RLS, I take Requip at night, which REALLY helps but takes a while to kick in and leads tends to almost worse RLS rebound in the AM.

I am fairly physically active (jog at least 2 miles 2-5 times a week) I eat well and take multivitamins as well as Fish Oil. I'm 5-9 and 170lbs with a pretty decent metabolism.

As I said, my main issue is my depression. It's KILLING me and I haven't been able to keep my composure at work. Its so bad I can't even think straight or focus. Tomorrow morning will be day 3 and I'm wondering how long I can expect to at least get over this hump to focus on (possibly) getting off these pills. Besides the buzz, they have been a miracle drug for my back pain which constantly gets aggravated by my job and playing with my 2 month old daughter. As bad as it sounds, my quality of life suffers and I fake it as much as I can when I don't have to until I get my next refill.

I've already had PT, which didn't help much and have tried dozens of other pain meds, to include tramadol which reacted HORRIBLY with my lexapro for whatever reason.

So...other than battling my (for now) thoughts of getting out, what should I expect as far as starting to get past the sadness I'm feeling right now.

I'm thinking if I do decide to keep getting my 5/350s that maybe I should make up a reason to have my wife ration them out to me--like 15 a week or something. It will be difficult to not have them anymore.

I know I'm much better off than most of you but this particular episode is totally epic compared to my other 'walks in the park WD'.

Thanks,
Michael

augforce

Oh and my next PM appointment is on 8 Nov, so regardless of my decision, I have two weeks to deal with this.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

I'm not the one going through the WDs and depression, so it's easy for me to say keep on the cold turkey path and get yourself to a recovery program to stay off of them.

Why do I say quit? I think your addiction takes Norco, or any pain reliever, out of the picture. "Normal" pain management, if there is such a thing, is probably no longer an option for you, just like being a "normal" drinker is no longer an option for me. That train left the station. And do you really want your wife handing out your pain meds? You can't control your intake, she shouldn't have to do it either.

I say stay off the pills and go to your PM appointment and re-evaluate if you even need anything for you back, or what non-narcotic options there are...this means being honest about your problem with pills to the doctor.

And why did I suggest a recovery program? The way you talk about the pills. You're hooked. You aren't just relieving back pain, you are relieving "life" pain. And if you don't deal with life pain you'll go right back to using.

Good luck.

augforce

Your probably right. I don't know if I can ever even become a 'weekend warrior' even if I wanted to.

My usage became (to include pain control) taking them a night a first to enjoy some TV and mellow out after a long day to then taking them in the AM to 'ease' myself into work (which I don't think I ever REALLY needed to do) and more than anything else to get into some PS3 games I enjoy (make the expericen that much more enjoyable). I don't feel like I used them to really cover anything up, it was just something to change the day-in-day-out sameness.

This was something I did with pot for almost four years. Then one day, I just got tired of the way it was making me feel and quit without the slightest urge to start again. I know it will be totally different for opiates.

Thanks a bunch for your input. I have a lot to think about these next two weeks because I don't know if I'm truly ready to quit--I guess I'm one of those denial people who think they can reel themselves back in--especially with no other way of getting them (don't get them anymore from pain clinics because they noticed I had been there before for them).

Hopefully once I get out of this incredible funk, I will be able to think straight and force myself to stop by telling my PM doc to get me off of them.

Recovery1983

Hang in there AugForce. I was hooked on Norco 10mg for about a year or so. I remember that I would start my day with a Norco and a Rockstar. From there, I would basically break them in halves, and take them throughout the day. I would say throughout the day I would average about 4-5 full pills. I'm a full addict, so it's not just Norcos but really anything that gets me high. The crazy part is that I was a high functioning Norco addict (if there is such a thing). For some reason, I was more productive while I was taking Norcos. However, it all came crashing down within one week. Life happened and it basically triggered all my demons to come at once. Within a week, I managed to get two DUIs, and tried to take my own life several times.

I ended up going into treatment for the second time. My first time was for alcohol, but my second time I went in for Norcos, alcohol, and benzos. I was a pretty big mess, and I really didn't want to live anymore. I was so distraught from the whole ordeal that the treatment center psyche used the term "shell shocked" to describe my current status. This incident took place in Oct of 2010, and I've been clean of Norcos since then. I've had relapses with other substances, so it's still an ongoing battle.

When I was going through the withdrawals, things were not right for about three weeks. Opiate withdrawals are by far one of the worst to go through. It's different for everyone, but from my experience and all the opiate users in treatment, opiate withdrawals tend to last longer. Just know that your body will recover as long as you stay clean. From reading your post, it seems that your symptoms seem pretty normal to opiate withdrawals. I'm very big on exercise, and that is what always helps me with depression. If you can, try to go running every day. Other than that, I think you need to let time take it's course. By the way, your consequences will get FAR worse if you keep using. I can attest to that. I'm glad you are quitting before you have to experience something bad.

trudgingagain

My husband has been taking Norco Norco for years now, following both neck and back injuries/surgeries. However, he is very good about taking them as prescribed...even less than is prescribed. They don't have Norco in Costa Rica. It is advil or oxycontin (which he, thank goodness, refuses to take). However, his prescription is in the States, so he has to wait until someone is coming down in order to get them. There have been times when he runs out as a result. They do sell something called Oxaforte here. I think it is like acetametaphine (sp?) and codeine. It seems to take the edge off of his pain. BUT...he does go through withdrawals from the Norco when he runs out. Listless, depressed...can't do much of anything for about 3-4 days....Just my experience that I thought I would share. Sounds as if you are taking waaaaay too many, so these WD may last longer for you....I think my husband may take 1, maybe 2 a day...but a lot of times he just takes 1/2. Hang in there...if you have 2 weeks, you might be through the WD by then, just in time to re-evaluate with your doctor. All the best.

augforce

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. It has been very helpful. Yesterday was a terrible TERRIBLE day.
However, I woke up today feeling a TAD bit better as my wife gave me a half of low-dose xanax and its keeping the paralizing anxiety at bay--for now.
Anyway, I just took the time to write up a long journal documenting everything I've been through up to this very day and will force myself to read it.

I'm still fighting the idea of calling my PM doc and telling them to take me off the pills, which I--addiction or not--need. The only thing that is making me want to continue to take them is that I literally have no other way to get more. I know no one to buy from and don't have the money to do so (and would be WAY too scared to buy from a dealer) and can't pop into my UC or ERs anymore because that stopped working several months ago.
So basically, all I'll have is what they give me. I've talked to my wife about rationing the pills and keeping them hidden by telling her I take more than I need and I want to be 'safer' with them.

I am an addict but I really believe that if someone is keeping me in line with them (my wife who was NOT happy about what I've been doing) that I can go back to using them for what they are really meant for.

A higher power will lead me in the proper direction come next friday (especially if I get popped for a pee test, in which case I'd fail and I'd be SOL anyway).

Again, thank you all for listening and responding.

trudgingagain

Best of luck....it DOES get better...

longbeachone

It sucks, but you need to absolutely face the fact that you are addicted. All of your rationalizing about your pain and wanting to ration your drugs is your addictive voice telling you that you still need your fix. You can try to bargain or ration your way out of this, but most of us here can virtually promise you that if you continue on taking opiates things will get MUCH worse. You will start to lose things...your job, friends, family, wife. If you're able to see this now, and give up this fight before it gets the better of you, you will be so very much better off.

Mizzuno

Our bodies will become dependent on anything that is put into it after a time. It could be a small amount or large, but the withdraw will happen no matter what. Depression is a part of the withdraw process. It sounds like you are taking these meds for other reasons and this should be addressed. You can get through this time, and come out on the other side feeling like yourself again. I do not think that having your wife give you the meds is a good idea. She can not be the one to keep you on track. There is another way. There are always other options.

augforce

Thank you all. You're really giving me something to think about. I guess I have to hope--be determined--to ask to get off. Hopefully the ten more days I have will allow me to clear my head and see that.
Early on during my visits, I could care less if they kept giving them to me or not...until I got addicted to them. I really hope that feeling comes back next week...

Copycat512

Augforce, I hear you. I quit hydro last November and felt I wasn't really done. I started using again last January and just quit again last week -- but this time I told my doc that I am an addict. So these goes my supply.

I feel really sad but I know it's the best thing to do. BTW I did have my husband ration my pills last winter, and sure enough I found his hiding place and stole them.

Bottom line I can't be trusted with pills. I hate it but it's true.

This post is simply to tell you that you're not alone.

augforce

Again, thank you all for posting.

So...I called my PM office this morning and left a message with my doctor. I told him I am incapable of taking my Norco without abusing it. I let him know I want to discuss other treatment options because I cannot trust myself not to abuse.

It sucks. I'm really unhappy that I'll never get that 'great fuzzy comfort' again but I realized today (5 days 'clean') that 'real' emotions are actually good to feel again.

Hopefully my doctor will mark me down as high-risk for opiate medication so I don't have access to it ever again.

trudgingagain

Good for you augforce for being honest with the Doc! That is a HUGE step! Congrats!

wpainterw

Augforce: A huge step indeed! I was going to suggest just that! Now can you make up your mind to stay on this path? It's not going to be easy. Trust your doctor. Don't try to use your wife as a "control". I once tried to do that and it never worked. You have to do it for yourself and you can. Keep posting and get all the support that's possible here.

W.

Copycat512

Augforce! Way to go. We're on a similar path, you and me. I will also miss the fuzzy comfort.

Proud of both of us. Much love to you.