I got drunk tonight.
I got drunk tonight.
I'm not going to blame it on anyone but myself. I've had a good handle on my sobriety for a while. Been in a relationship with an alcoholic. When he didn't come home tonight again, I gave myself permission to get drunk just to quell the pain. I know it won't be a bender or anything like that but it's still stupid. He came home and wasn't drunk, but he still ignored me when I had texted and called. He said he didn't know why he did this. Do I need validation from someone so much that I'll ruin my own sobriety for this? I had a horrible day and I told him specifically that I needed him here tonight. When I called and texted, nothing.
I had a really crap (pardon the pun) day.
This morning I was feeling good about life, planning to only work a few hours and come home to finish a freelance article I'm working on that was due today. I went to my therapy in the morning and it was a great session.
This morning I unlocked the door to my work and thought, "Man, it stinks in here." Walked down the hallway to discover water and raw sewage all over the place.
I am not shitting you (ha, no pun intended), I sat down and cried for ten minutes. I was so frustrated. We got the carpet cleaners and plumber there and everything's okay now, but I got so fricking worked up. I hate it when things like this happen, especially when you have more important things to do. My boss is also a huge complainer so it's just one more thing we'll be hearing about for the next week or so.
We also found out that the clog was caused by grease and food from the restaurant upstairs. C'mon, there is NO reason for disposing of that stuff by pouring it down the drain. Jesus.
I feel like a pathetic ******* right now. I used today as an excuse to drink to feel better Not only that, I am drinking to punish him. Not good. Help.
I had a really crap (pardon the pun) day.
This morning I was feeling good about life, planning to only work a few hours and come home to finish a freelance article I'm working on that was due today. I went to my therapy in the morning and it was a great session.
This morning I unlocked the door to my work and thought, "Man, it stinks in here." Walked down the hallway to discover water and raw sewage all over the place.
I am not shitting you (ha, no pun intended), I sat down and cried for ten minutes. I was so frustrated. We got the carpet cleaners and plumber there and everything's okay now, but I got so fricking worked up. I hate it when things like this happen, especially when you have more important things to do. My boss is also a huge complainer so it's just one more thing we'll be hearing about for the next week or so.
We also found out that the clog was caused by grease and food from the restaurant upstairs. C'mon, there is NO reason for disposing of that stuff by pouring it down the drain. Jesus.
I feel like a pathetic ******* right now. I used today as an excuse to drink to feel better Not only that, I am drinking to punish him. Not good. Help.
So, you're at Step 1 again. Good. Step 2 follows Step 1 and so on. You seem to be earnestly wanting to maintain sobriety. Don't beat yourself up over it. Instead, go to a meeting (or two, if you're fortunate enough to live in an area with a selection of them). Back on the wagon with you!
Hello Readerbaby,
I'm sorry it was a lousy, awful day. It doesn't sound like fun at all, and now you will have to practice tuning out the boss, too
Sometimes, lousy, awful days happen, and we do have to change our plans to accomodate it. Like today--I have a lot of work to do, but the grandkids are sick and I may need to drop it all to babysit for a little while. Don't know yet.
Please know that your sobriety--your life--is so very important. Maybe go sign up with the 24 hour club in the Newcomers Daily Support forum and get things kicked off!!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-join-us.html
Hoping that today is much better!!!
I'm sorry it was a lousy, awful day. It doesn't sound like fun at all, and now you will have to practice tuning out the boss, too
Sometimes, lousy, awful days happen, and we do have to change our plans to accomodate it. Like today--I have a lot of work to do, but the grandkids are sick and I may need to drop it all to babysit for a little while. Don't know yet.
Please know that your sobriety--your life--is so very important. Maybe go sign up with the 24 hour club in the Newcomers Daily Support forum and get things kicked off!!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-join-us.html
Hoping that today is much better!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face!
Honestly, who did the drinking punish? Him? Umm...I don't think so.
That's one thing I don't understand about alcoholics. The--I'm mad at the world so I am going to beat myself up!
Unless you are unreasonably clingy, I think asking a live-in partner to call, or be there for you, is a reasonable request.
He said he didn't know why he ignored your messages? That's only true in that he didn't think through why he ignored them. Deep down he knows exactly why he ignored them.
I tend to think whatever he was up to, it wasn't good. Just a hunch based on that a partner *should* return calls.
Yes, I used that word should. There are basic respect requirements for a relationship to succeed.
What I think happened here is--he did something unacceptable, and you punished yourself for it. Probably an element of a self pity-party too.
You two need to have a good talk about the requirement in your relationship that calls are returned in a timely manner. It's a mandated courtesy of a functioning relationship.
In mutual respect relationships--this behavior is very unacceptable, and would no doubt raise the wrath and a good verbal spanking.
In alcoholic relationships--there seems to be this attitude of "let them get away with it".
Honestly, who did the drinking punish? Him? Umm...I don't think so.
That's one thing I don't understand about alcoholics. The--I'm mad at the world so I am going to beat myself up!
Unless you are unreasonably clingy, I think asking a live-in partner to call, or be there for you, is a reasonable request.
He said he didn't know why he ignored your messages? That's only true in that he didn't think through why he ignored them. Deep down he knows exactly why he ignored them.
I tend to think whatever he was up to, it wasn't good. Just a hunch based on that a partner *should* return calls.
Yes, I used that word should. There are basic respect requirements for a relationship to succeed.
What I think happened here is--he did something unacceptable, and you punished yourself for it. Probably an element of a self pity-party too.
You two need to have a good talk about the requirement in your relationship that calls are returned in a timely manner. It's a mandated courtesy of a functioning relationship.
In mutual respect relationships--this behavior is very unacceptable, and would no doubt raise the wrath and a good verbal spanking.
In alcoholic relationships--there seems to be this attitude of "let them get away with it".
I've beat myself up for a few hours and now I'm gonna stop, move on, and go from here. I'll be okay. We have had this discussion over and over and over again. There's nothing more to discuss except ending this f-ed up cycle. Thanks all for your kind words. I appreciate you not judging me. Believe me, I'm judging myself more than anyone else possibly could.
I also realized that I was in an incredible amount of emotional pain last night. Still am, but I am well versed in dealing with it without alcohol.
I also realized that I was in an incredible amount of emotional pain last night. Still am, but I am well versed in dealing with it without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 785
I'm sorry your day sucked
I've beat myself up for a few hours and now I'm gonna stop, move on, and go from here. I'll be okay. We have had this discussion over and over and over again. There's nothing more to discuss except ending this f-ed up cycle. Thanks all for your kind words. I appreciate you not judging me. Believe me, I'm judging myself more than anyone else possibly could.
I also realized that I was in an incredible amount of emotional pain last night. Still am, but I am well versed in dealing with it without alcohol.
I also realized that I was in an incredible amount of emotional pain last night. Still am, but I am well versed in dealing with it without alcohol.
No judgments here - good for you for picking yourself up & brushing yourself off today!
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Well, hey. It is usually easier to find an AA meeting instead of an Alanon meeting, anyway.
And it is sort of fun when everyone is clapping for the 23 hour chip-per, too. Even if they are crying -- for both sad and happy.
Today is a new day.
And it is sort of fun when everyone is clapping for the 23 hour chip-per, too. Even if they are crying -- for both sad and happy.
Today is a new day.
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