A little dose of frustration - this is really work!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 340
A little dose of frustration - this is really work!
So on saturday night I went to a halloween party and ran into my xagf and her bf (they met a week after I broke up with her the first time while NC for like 2 weeks). She had already made out with him...another flag I avoided! anyhow...
I have read how many of you on SR have been annoyed at how easy it is for the XA to move on. It's crazy! She smiled at me and winked at me as if nothing had ever happened. There she is dancing it up, laughing, smiling, kissing. Within 2 weeks or so of our second and final breakup she was already dating him, sleeping with him, traveling with him, introducing him to her kids, etc.
Here's what really hit home today. I met a girl casually for coffee and for the first time in 5 months I felt butterflies. I haven't kissed a girl or anything like that since my X. We had a wonderful conversation and then when I noticed it got super late and I was late for lunch with a friend I abruptly ended our time and took off. We left saying we would hang out and do something again.
This was on Thursday, we've texted a little and I wanted to talk to her tonight (monday), so I could formalize something for the weekend. Well I haven't heard from her at all. So she's not interested...
I got mad because it's been 5 months for me and I still haven't dug myself out of the hole that was my relationship with the xagf. What I mean by this is with her I defaulted to my old habits and gained 30 lbs.
I have been through this before, at this weight women simply aren't interested. 20 lbs less and the crazy ones come out, 10 lbs after that the nicer ones =P.
So I really have to focus on my recovery, get back to my healthy weight and continually work at this. This time it hurt...this time it kept me from getting to know someone I really wanted to know...
I know I'm good enough, however it is just hit hard today. A little patience and discipline will go a long way. I am grateful for my life and have lots of fun things coming up. This definitely has me motivated on the weight loss front. I have lost 10 already and I'm on my way.
I'm traveling for work, I brought my running shoes and will continue to stay active =).
So I'm taking a deep breath and resolving to do things in the right order and continue to work on my recovery.
I have read how many of you on SR have been annoyed at how easy it is for the XA to move on. It's crazy! She smiled at me and winked at me as if nothing had ever happened. There she is dancing it up, laughing, smiling, kissing. Within 2 weeks or so of our second and final breakup she was already dating him, sleeping with him, traveling with him, introducing him to her kids, etc.
Here's what really hit home today. I met a girl casually for coffee and for the first time in 5 months I felt butterflies. I haven't kissed a girl or anything like that since my X. We had a wonderful conversation and then when I noticed it got super late and I was late for lunch with a friend I abruptly ended our time and took off. We left saying we would hang out and do something again.
This was on Thursday, we've texted a little and I wanted to talk to her tonight (monday), so I could formalize something for the weekend. Well I haven't heard from her at all. So she's not interested...
I got mad because it's been 5 months for me and I still haven't dug myself out of the hole that was my relationship with the xagf. What I mean by this is with her I defaulted to my old habits and gained 30 lbs.
I have been through this before, at this weight women simply aren't interested. 20 lbs less and the crazy ones come out, 10 lbs after that the nicer ones =P.
So I really have to focus on my recovery, get back to my healthy weight and continually work at this. This time it hurt...this time it kept me from getting to know someone I really wanted to know...
I know I'm good enough, however it is just hit hard today. A little patience and discipline will go a long way. I am grateful for my life and have lots of fun things coming up. This definitely has me motivated on the weight loss front. I have lost 10 already and I'm on my way.
I'm traveling for work, I brought my running shoes and will continue to stay active =).
So I'm taking a deep breath and resolving to do things in the right order and continue to work on my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 232
Keep on keeping on, brotha!
I was asked how does one eat an elephant. The answer: one bite at a time.
So take each day at a time, on its own, with what it has to offer.
Exercise, read, AVOID TV!, catch up with family and old friends, make new ones, AVOID TV!, volunteer for things that have a personal interest to you(goes a long way in taking your mind from your worries), take a class at the community college, AVOID TV!, go to church, and, yes, AVOID TV!
Avoid the bars, too.
It's about you now. Yes, it's hard work, but ya know, you sound like you're worth it!
In His Love, Spinner.
I was asked how does one eat an elephant. The answer: one bite at a time.
So take each day at a time, on its own, with what it has to offer.
Exercise, read, AVOID TV!, catch up with family and old friends, make new ones, AVOID TV!, volunteer for things that have a personal interest to you(goes a long way in taking your mind from your worries), take a class at the community college, AVOID TV!, go to church, and, yes, AVOID TV!
Avoid the bars, too.
It's about you now. Yes, it's hard work, but ya know, you sound like you're worth it!
In His Love, Spinner.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Zen,
I have to say lose the weight for you, and you only. You are good enough no matter what you weigh. It's seeming to me that you are weighing your self-esteem and self-confidence on how you look, instead of who you are.
You are attractive and desirable.
I remember going to this church, I loved the priest there, every once in awhile, he would say to the congregation, just repeat after me, I am handsome/beautiful, I am good, and I deserve to be happy. I want someone who treats me right, and I will treat them right in return.
I have to say lose the weight for you, and you only. You are good enough no matter what you weigh. It's seeming to me that you are weighing your self-esteem and self-confidence on how you look, instead of who you are.
You are attractive and desirable.
I remember going to this church, I loved the priest there, every once in awhile, he would say to the congregation, just repeat after me, I am handsome/beautiful, I am good, and I deserve to be happy. I want someone who treats me right, and I will treat them right in return.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 340
Amy,
I'm definitely doing this for me. However people are superficial when initially meeting someone, that first impression. It's the way of the land. I just got annoyed because I wanted to already be further along.
I am worth it, good enough, great guy, etc. My self esteem and confidence are good. I'm clear on what I want to do and where I want to be =).
I'm definitely doing this for me. However people are superficial when initially meeting someone, that first impression. It's the way of the land. I just got annoyed because I wanted to already be further along.
I am worth it, good enough, great guy, etc. My self esteem and confidence are good. I'm clear on what I want to do and where I want to be =).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Zen,
I look at the eyes, and try to see if the eyes are smiling. It lets me know more about the personality of the person.
Maybe I was more superficial before, not anymore.
Good luck on losing the weight, I also put on a few too many pounds, but I'll be taking them off so I can feel better.
Just know we all love you here. You're a terrific person.
I look at the eyes, and try to see if the eyes are smiling. It lets me know more about the personality of the person.
Maybe I was more superficial before, not anymore.
Good luck on losing the weight, I also put on a few too many pounds, but I'll be taking them off so I can feel better.
Just know we all love you here. You're a terrific person.
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