Kassie2

It is me again - off topic but not necessarily. I initially thought it off topic as I am in need of support but because I am in a relationship anymore with an A. However, I know that while being raised with an A I never learned to put myself first and therefore when I needed medical care I did not seek it. I pushed through everything in my life. I learned not to go to the doctor.

During my recent marriage to an A I fell down the stairs one day and did not seek medical attention though the pain was bad. My A got angry at me for screaming out at the time of the fall and upsetting him. It is on me for not going to the doctor but now I have serious problems with my back.

In addition to the threat of blindness earlier this year - and then the threat of cancer - I got through it all by doing what is necessary and those things will be ok. But now I suffer from disabling pain daily - my leg and foot are numb and in pain due to a pinched nerve from a bulging disc. In addition I have herniated disc's probably from too much working out to relieve stress while married to an A.

I can't blame the A for everything - but I did things - we all did things that hurt ourselves living with an A. I am here again just seeking support as my life is really in a bind, twisted and I have trouble rid myself of fear.

I am frustrated that my spine can't be treated until an infection is gone - the infection is fuelling my sarcoidosis adding to my suffering. My vision is controlled by the meds but my pain is not. My job is upset with me for taking so much time off eventho I am on FMLA.

I bought a new home which has only one floor because of my physical limits but my house isn't selling. I have my moments of lost faith but know that everything has a time and place. Need reminders!

Have so many bad days anymore - even my son who has been there admits that it is overwhelming - so I know I am not overreacting. He would like to see me having a better time - he can't make that happen - it is up to me but it sure feels like so much is in the way.

If you are reading - just send me a hello to say I matter and the situation will improve or I will see the wisdom of changing my plans.

Thank you.

Katchie

Hi Kassie,

Regardless of what my profile says, I'm fairly new here...at least fairly new to admitting some pretty awful things about myself and my AH. I don't have any alanon inspired anecdotes to share, but I didn't want to leave here and not tell you that I do believe things will get better for you and that I will be praying on your behalf for just what you need.
Please take care of yourself, you are so worth it!

FireSprite

Big hugs and lots of prayers headed your way. All I can think of as I read your post is something my dad used to say; "It takes a little sunshine and a little rain to make a rainbow" . It was his way of reminding us that we have to go through the good and the bad to get to the Great.

It sounds like a hurricane for you right now, but I'll bet your rainbow will be magnificent.

TakingCharge999

(((Hugs)))

Don't lose hope! our house was in the market for a while but it got sold eventually... be patient..or perhaps, selling it for a slightly lower price could make the trick..?

Thumper

Aww Kassie. Sending you an internet {hug}

I'm sorry there is so much on your plate right now. It does sound overwhelming. My fingers are crossed that your house sells soon and that your health levels out and you are pain free. On-going pain is such a heavy burden.

hopeful4

Huge hugs to you. I am praying for you. Take it a day at a time, a second at a time if you have to. You will get through this!

God Bless!

MsPINKAcres

Hey Kassie -

It's good to hear from you again but I do hate that things are so overwhelming right now. Even if things are doing ok - if a person is in pain, it can make things seem unbearable.

I'll add my good thoughts & prayers that you will feel better soon & the house will sale.

Please keep checking back with us ~ remember we are a great place to come, relax and de-stress!

pink hugs!