Three questions
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Three questions
I stopped drinking. In the morning, I watched Rain in my Heart and had mixed feelings. You know, you look at people worse off than you in any way and think "well, certainly, I would never get to that stage". I would stop drinking or spending money or overeating much sooner. I hate it when I come across all sanctimonious. Then I thought that it might not be that bad yet, but it will be soon if I don't do something about it - the time is now. Besides, heaven knows what state my liver is in.
I have been drinking between four and twelve pints of lager or cider every day for most of the last eight years. Still, this evening I wanted to go and buy booze (you know the bs: one last time, it's been five days after all, what does one night matter, etc).
Three things get to me
1. licensing hours - in the UK you cannot buy booze between 10pm and 10am. So about 8.30pm I am thinking, perhaps I should get it in just in case I need a drink later (or as today, I really would like one). The anxiety rises till 9.30 (the last moment really to leave or else you get there out of breath and look desperate; not that it matters - it's the only shop nearby so they know our levels of consumption very well), peaks at 9.40 and now it is fine.
Question is: how do I survive the 70 minutes of anxiety. Problem is, I have a very good sense of time (at least, when sober) so no matter how busy and involved I am, I still know the minutes are ticking and I should really get going soon.
(It will get worse over Christmas - the shops will be closed for two days). Needless to say, once the booze is in (just in case, of course), it usually gets drunk.
2. what to do - so I have been sitting here on the forum since about eight o'clock and am bored now and would like to do something but nothing tickles my fancy. Cannot go out or so anything outside (dark and scary), cannot be bothered with chores (the basic ones are done and my partner went to bed so cannot quite get the hoover out), cannot do anything loud (dance or listen to music). I won't be going to bed for another eight hours or so and am at a loss for what to do with myself.
Alcohol gives me a permission to sit and do nothing while still doing something. I would watch a movie or talk to my partner (he would have probably stayed up for the booze) and everything would be much more bearable and not so painfully in focus. I just want to stop thinking. I had a look at the thread that deals with what to do but all I kept thinking is either I cannot do it (paint, walk the dog, meet friends) or what I could do would be much more enjoyable with a pint of lager in my hand.
3. It's better now that I don't drink - I read that thread and had trouble relating to a lot of things. I am high-functioning for now so the chores are always done, nothing and nobody gets neglected, I am not in debt, I never hurt myself and I don't get raging hangovers (yet).
There is just no obvious difference between drinking and not drinking apart from the boredom - sipping tea is not quite the same for me and I know it is ridiculous. Eg I would never dream of putting a gallon of juice or tea in front of me saying I am so looking forward to drinking it all before I go to sleep. Yes, my liver is healing and am saving money but I was never good at long-term planning. It's hard for me to appreciate that if I keep on, in a few months' or years' time, I might end up in hospital with no hope or recovery or serious issues.
At the same time, I hear people coming back home drunk every night -singing, laughing, arguing and fighting. If they can do it, why, oh why can't I? And then I end up feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of being responsible and adult all the time and paying bills on time and keeping up with the washing and sending Christmas cards at the beginning of December to make sure they arrive on time. Apologies for the rant, don't know where it came from.
It is my first post so, please, be nice to me. I hope I didn't upset anyone. Anyway, if you have any suggestions, it would be very nice to hear them.
I have been drinking between four and twelve pints of lager or cider every day for most of the last eight years. Still, this evening I wanted to go and buy booze (you know the bs: one last time, it's been five days after all, what does one night matter, etc).
Three things get to me
1. licensing hours - in the UK you cannot buy booze between 10pm and 10am. So about 8.30pm I am thinking, perhaps I should get it in just in case I need a drink later (or as today, I really would like one). The anxiety rises till 9.30 (the last moment really to leave or else you get there out of breath and look desperate; not that it matters - it's the only shop nearby so they know our levels of consumption very well), peaks at 9.40 and now it is fine.
Question is: how do I survive the 70 minutes of anxiety. Problem is, I have a very good sense of time (at least, when sober) so no matter how busy and involved I am, I still know the minutes are ticking and I should really get going soon.
(It will get worse over Christmas - the shops will be closed for two days). Needless to say, once the booze is in (just in case, of course), it usually gets drunk.
2. what to do - so I have been sitting here on the forum since about eight o'clock and am bored now and would like to do something but nothing tickles my fancy. Cannot go out or so anything outside (dark and scary), cannot be bothered with chores (the basic ones are done and my partner went to bed so cannot quite get the hoover out), cannot do anything loud (dance or listen to music). I won't be going to bed for another eight hours or so and am at a loss for what to do with myself.
Alcohol gives me a permission to sit and do nothing while still doing something. I would watch a movie or talk to my partner (he would have probably stayed up for the booze) and everything would be much more bearable and not so painfully in focus. I just want to stop thinking. I had a look at the thread that deals with what to do but all I kept thinking is either I cannot do it (paint, walk the dog, meet friends) or what I could do would be much more enjoyable with a pint of lager in my hand.
3. It's better now that I don't drink - I read that thread and had trouble relating to a lot of things. I am high-functioning for now so the chores are always done, nothing and nobody gets neglected, I am not in debt, I never hurt myself and I don't get raging hangovers (yet).
There is just no obvious difference between drinking and not drinking apart from the boredom - sipping tea is not quite the same for me and I know it is ridiculous. Eg I would never dream of putting a gallon of juice or tea in front of me saying I am so looking forward to drinking it all before I go to sleep. Yes, my liver is healing and am saving money but I was never good at long-term planning. It's hard for me to appreciate that if I keep on, in a few months' or years' time, I might end up in hospital with no hope or recovery or serious issues.
At the same time, I hear people coming back home drunk every night -singing, laughing, arguing and fighting. If they can do it, why, oh why can't I? And then I end up feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of being responsible and adult all the time and paying bills on time and keeping up with the washing and sending Christmas cards at the beginning of December to make sure they arrive on time. Apologies for the rant, don't know where it came from.
It is my first post so, please, be nice to me. I hope I didn't upset anyone. Anyway, if you have any suggestions, it would be very nice to hear them.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
to SR! How long have you been sober? If you're still in early recovery it does take a while to form a new routine, a new way of living your life. Give yourself time to heal and get used to the new you. 
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It's been only five days but I did cut down a lot in recent weeks so an alcohol-free night is not as odd as it would have been even three months ago. I would just like to see a positive difference that would make it worth it for now. Dunno - lose weight or something. Which gives me an idea - I shall fix the scales because they stopped working. Yay for now - thanks!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,009
Welcome to SR. No one will be judgemental here. My question is whether you really believe drinking is a problem for you. Also, just as importantly, do you wish to stop drinking ? By coming to this website, I reckon you know the answer ! So, if that is the case, then it may be worthwhile to read the threads and explore the different forums. There is a lot of support here if you do intend to stop drinking. Best of luck !
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Originally Posted by eerweld 
I hope I didn't upset anyone.
Is there anything you've always wanted to do but never took the time to try? A hobby, writing a novel, self-defense class, amateur film-making, pottery, horseback riding, or other? Just throwing stuff out there. Volunteering at a hospital or pet rescue? Think of possibilities. What you can do with all that time. Doesn't even have to be noble. Can be totally indulgent. Might be something you've never even thought of.
For me the great reward has been a new life.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Hi, eerweld. I actually came to SR looking for answers to my mom's drinking problem. Over the summer, I had quit drinking during the weekdays and really limited my weekend drinking. So, basically people here at SR challenged me to give sobriety a try with the argument that I have given years to drinking, why not try sobriety. I felt up to the challenge but at the time, not 100 percent sold that I had a huge problem with alcohol. I have been sober for 30 days and I was shocked by a few things. The first thing that shocked me was the fact that I had/have a fair amount of withdrawal symptoms (sleep issues, crazy dreams, panic episodes, anxiety, etc). I also was shocked at how strong cravings came in and how hard I had to fight them. What this all pointed out to me, is that I really didn't/don't consider myself a "hardcore alcoholic", yet I still had a fair amount of physical and psychological withdrawal issues. I actually feel some relief that I have tried sobriety at a time when I still have some semblance of control. I cannot imagine what it is like for someone to quit who has to first detox at a hospital and whose body is used to a daily barrage of alcohol or for those people who have come to the level of quit or die. Frankly, I feel blessed and a little bit in awe/fear of the addictive powers of alcohol for the first time in my 42 years. Finally, a glimmer of hope for you: I lost 20 pounds over the summer, cutting out weekday drinking and I am still losing weight now. (I am in 5-7 pounds of my ideal weight. 
) Give yourself this time and reflect honestly what this time of sobriety has given to you. You seem a little focused on the negatives only right now. Best of luck!
) Give yourself this time and reflect honestly what this time of sobriety has given to you. You seem a little focused on the negatives only right now. Best of luck!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Originally Posted by eerweld
It's been only five days but I did cut down a lot in recent weeks so an alcohol-free night is not as odd as it would have been even three months ago. I would just like to see a positive difference that would make it worth it for now. Dunno - lose weight or something. Which gives me an idea - I shall fix the scales because they stopped working. Yay for now - thanks!
You will begin to see positive differences but it's going to take longer than five days. Give yourself a few months and see how you feel then.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Eeerweld,
I am not really clear whether you want to give up for good or not. I found your post interesting, the boredom when you first get sober that time one would normally be drinking, what to do with it. I don't even think about it any more, I find something else to do. I must say though I go to bed earlier and watch far too much TV.
Five days is not very long to see a lot of changes and the idea of losing wight as an added incentive is a good one. All that lager you must have stacked it on a bit. How about getting slimmer and healthier as something to replace the time you would spend drinking.
Yours is a good post.
Caihong
I am not really clear whether you want to give up for good or not. I found your post interesting, the boredom when you first get sober that time one would normally be drinking, what to do with it. I don't even think about it any more, I find something else to do. I must say though I go to bed earlier and watch far too much TV.
Five days is not very long to see a lot of changes and the idea of losing wight as an added incentive is a good one. All that lager you must have stacked it on a bit. How about getting slimmer and healthier as something to replace the time you would spend drinking.
Yours is a good post.
Caihong
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi and welcome eerweld
There are some great tips here for how to deal with cravings - I particularly recommend urge surfing
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
I think it's important to be active too. I used to think that drinking while doing nothing was doing something too, but it's not - it's still doing nothing
Why not exercise you mind a little, stretch yourself - do you have any hobbies you'd like to pursue, or interests?
I think it's important to be *doing something* rather than just waiting for the shops to shut. Change your routine
as for being not that bad and struggling to find reasons to quit...I get it, but something must have bought you here
what was it?
D
There are some great tips here for how to deal with cravings - I particularly recommend urge surfing
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
I think it's important to be active too. I used to think that drinking while doing nothing was doing something too, but it's not - it's still doing nothing
Why not exercise you mind a little, stretch yourself - do you have any hobbies you'd like to pursue, or interests?
I think it's important to be *doing something* rather than just waiting for the shops to shut. Change your routine
as for being not that bad and struggling to find reasons to quit...I get it, but something must have bought you here
what was it?
D
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Thank you all for the replies.
I definitely need to quit because it will only get worse. There was no big warning sign but all the little niggles add up and are saying "stop" very loudly. What brought me here? The usual - money worries, health worries and fear of losing control. However, until now, it's been very easy to say to myself that I am exaggerating and talk myself out of it. I think I found this forum at the beginning of the year and was visiting from time to time. Now I took the plunge. I have to quit for good because I cannot just have a pint or two and get on with my night or go to bed.
Yes, I am a negative kind of person. I suffered from depression and anxiety all my life. Alcohol is the only thing that helped (at least for the few hours when I was drinking it). I know that drinking is not "doing" but I cannot expect myself to be doing something else while drinking so I can just relax guilt-free. It's sort of like an excuse to just sit down - you know how you could do housework 24/7 and still have things to do. Alcohol means "that's it for today."
Because of the depression, there is nothing I would really like to do. I did my chores like a good girl and everything is taken care of. Now I just want to stop thinking and feeling. I tried yoga, mindfulness, meditation and all the other solutions recommended for depressives but I didn't really take to them.
So yeah, for now, I will say, I give it 30 days. It sounds much better than "I am never drinking again" but at the same time takes the pressure off making decisions everyday according to the one-day-at-a-time principle. Brilliant idea - it's just an experiment. The licensing hours don't matter to me. I managed to occupy myself tonight and will do so tomorrow. The benefits will come and make it all worth it (please, hurry!).
Thanks again. Time for a shower and, hopefully, bed.
I definitely need to quit because it will only get worse. There was no big warning sign but all the little niggles add up and are saying "stop" very loudly. What brought me here? The usual - money worries, health worries and fear of losing control. However, until now, it's been very easy to say to myself that I am exaggerating and talk myself out of it. I think I found this forum at the beginning of the year and was visiting from time to time. Now I took the plunge. I have to quit for good because I cannot just have a pint or two and get on with my night or go to bed.
Yes, I am a negative kind of person. I suffered from depression and anxiety all my life. Alcohol is the only thing that helped (at least for the few hours when I was drinking it). I know that drinking is not "doing" but I cannot expect myself to be doing something else while drinking so I can just relax guilt-free. It's sort of like an excuse to just sit down - you know how you could do housework 24/7 and still have things to do. Alcohol means "that's it for today."
Because of the depression, there is nothing I would really like to do. I did my chores like a good girl and everything is taken care of. Now I just want to stop thinking and feeling. I tried yoga, mindfulness, meditation and all the other solutions recommended for depressives but I didn't really take to them.
So yeah, for now, I will say, I give it 30 days. It sounds much better than "I am never drinking again" but at the same time takes the pressure off making decisions everyday according to the one-day-at-a-time principle. Brilliant idea - it's just an experiment. The licensing hours don't matter to me. I managed to occupy myself tonight and will do so tomorrow. The benefits will come and make it all worth it (please, hurry!).
Thanks again. Time for a shower and, hopefully, bed.
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