Jend719

Hello everyone. Thank you for allowing me to be part of this group. My daughter is 20yo and has been using heroin for almost 2 years. She was snorting it along with other prescription narcotics. I just found out she is shooting it now. She also has borderline personality disorder. She has been arrested 4 times. I've learned the "the system" is a joke. Especially if you're young, pretty, middle class and don't look the part of a severely addicted desperate addict who would sell their soul to get one more fix. I have always advocated for my daughter since her mental illness has long been an issue. I am at the point now that I will not let her back in our home. She has lied, robbed us, pawned all of jewelry, sold her iPad etc. I have chewed out the police department for letting her off on a summons to appear when they found her with a needle setting up her fix and bags or heroin in the console. I written every judge a letter begging them to NoT be lenient on her. I've begged for her to go to jail. I've begged our insurance company to give her "one more chance". But I also will not drive her to court. I will not allow her to sleep here when she has nowhere to go. Last night the ER released her because she was not in full blown withdrawal. I did not pick her up. I told her to go to a shelter. I am on to the manipulative game she plays. The lies she tells. The buttons she knows to push to play on my worst fears. At the same time, if I don't fight for her life no one else will...least of all her because she is incapable right now. I am lost, defeated, depleted, angry, sad, frustrated, and most of all scared that I will have to bury my daughter. I joined this forum so I could connect with other people who truly understand what I am going through. People say "I understand" or "I can't imagine how you must feel" ... They don't understand and I pray to God they never will because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy! They can't "imagine" how I must feel because it's beyond even my realm of comprehension. I'm apologize for this being long. It's the first place I've found with people "like me".

least

Welcome to SR! We have a special forum for friends and family of addicts. Here's a link. Read around and ask questions. There's a lot of good insight there.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

CaiHong

Hi Jend,
This is probably a parents worse nightmare that you are going through. I have been through mental illness with my own son and would console myself with the thought well at least he is not on heroin. I really feel for you.

Least has given you a link which will prove helpful. I think talking to people who are going through the same ordeal is incredibly helpful.

I wish you all the strength to get through this and that your daughter comes to the end of her addiction.

Caihong

soberhawk

Welcome Jend,

I have kids a the same age, I can relate to this is hard, very hard.

You will find people here with similar experience.

I am glad you joined.

FourSeasons

Dear Jend,

My heart goes out for you. You really are in a quagmire.

My mother also has Borderline Personality Disorder (... though she thinks she is "wonderful" and everyone else is "screwed" up). The emotional pain my mother has inflicted on me through the years has been immense. She is truly the Queen of Nastyland.

I finally had to cut her off completely 3 years ago. Looking back, I should have done this years and years before. I didn't. I just kept going back for more and more and more.

Fortunately for me she was not addicted to something like heroin.

I have no good advice for you as to what you should be doing for your daughter right now.

However, I do understand and have felt the anger and guilt that you may be feeling now. These are two horrible emotions to have especially all at the same time...

I am sending hugs and warm thoughts your way!!! Stay strong, Jend, and take care of you...

You should also check out: Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I read it all the time and find it very helpful!

FourSeasons

Hi Jend,

Just had another thought. I read this quote on another post in the Friends and Family Section (... it is now saved as a sticky on my computer). The last sentence really resonated with me!
Just remember...

1. You didn't cause it.
2. You can't control it.
3. You can't cure it.

I also find this site helpful (though it is not as active as SR): http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/

Please keep in mind... nothing changes if nothing changes...

((((((((HUGS))))))))