ptrn7960

My now sober ex-boyfriend told me about a month ago that he had blackouts and would not remember things. I'm guessing about 75% of the time he would remember because he would recall it as well and talk about it or add other things that happened without me having to have him ask about what happened etc.

He now admitted at times when I would ask him remember this or that and all he would say was 'yeah I remember', he really didn't, he said he blacked out. That was hard for me to process since over 1/2 time when we would do something it was in evening cause of my work hours. Or other times I guess I was thinking a few beers after work what is the big deal? Or he ended up working late a lot & I was doing my own thing so I wasn't around to see him drink or I would visit him after working late but I did not see any bottles or anything and he didn't smell like alcohol. Not sure how that would happen? Now, he told me he would pound them down or drink shots before we did things together. Not that I never ever was with him when we did shots or we had some drinks together but seeing that we due to our work/school schedules we spent time when we could.
A few times in my life I have blacked out from drinking too much, not remembering what happened at a certain point. Once that happened a few times, 7-8 years ago, it freaked me out so I stopped drinking large amounts...yes here and there a bit more than I should have but no blacking out or getting wasted. This past year, I was focused on getting my degree and other things so I could barely finish a beer.
Anyways, my question is blacking out the same experience for alcoholics versus non-alcoholics? Is remembering things just harder in general? It just was hard to process that he lied to me when I asked him and he hid it from me. I was honestly in shock when he broke up with me because he admitted alcoholic and needed help and joined AA. I feel so stupid for not seeing it.

Aeryn

I can't answer the question but I can tell you my XAH used to drunk drive while blacked out - SCARY. He would tell me he was leaving to the store, go there, come back and pass out and wake up later telling me he hadn't gone or driven anywhere and he believed it. It happened enough times that I am sure he believed what he said when he said he didn't do it. It was crazymaking.

There is a book called "Under the Influence" I believe which explains the blackout if you are interested, I read it a long time ago but found it very helpful.

nomis

I have no idea whether the experience is different or not, but as an alcoholic, I can tell you I blacked out 50-70% of the time I drank.

hopeful4

My husband usto black out all the time. It is very frustrating for me because while he did not remember (he was a mean drunk, talked sh*t to me all the time), I would always remember and I was mad. He would expect me to just be fine with things, he would say "Well, I don't remember that." Well, how convenient for you. Geez...the things we have put up with. Makes me see it clearly who has the problem....me. Why tolerate this behavior?

FireSprite

I don't think the experience itself it very different but I think the frequency can increase for alcholics vs. non-alcoholics. And that over time some heavy drinkers can induce a blackout state faster, but I think that is relative to the progression of the disease itself & the changing levels of tolerance combined with the physical body deteriorating. And then again, there are some alcoholics that never black out at all.

As far as remembering things - there's no doubt that drinking is going to cause issues with memory, both short & long term depending on the individual.

totfit

My understanding is that "normal" drinkers rarely if ever have a blackout in their life. Blacking out is not just a consequence of over drinking, but my understanding is also that it is a difference between how people process alcohol a physical difference in the body. I know that I have blacked out after as few as 4 drinks at times. If I were to drink today I would likely blackout as I most of the time did. It was not rare for me. This was an issue from the very beginning, not that I ALWAYS did. The crazy thing was that for a long time I just thought or had convinced myself it was a normal consequence of having a few too many, which I often did. It is not. It is not normal except for those of us that do not handle alcohol normally.