Leaving

hey there..

well here goes..

i'm 35 years old.. drank for the last 20 years.. i noticed in the last 5 years my drinking becoming slowly more obsessive, wanting to get another drink before the last one finished etc. also started becoming a bit more aggressive after drinking, nothing physical, just aggro basically.

my mother drank a lot when we were growing up and would often start fights and be mentally abusive towards the rest of the family when i was growing up..

this year in the space of 2 months, my mother died and me and my wife had a baby..

just seems like it's now or never for me..

after she died i started drinking more and i don't know i can just see the future and see our baby growing up with a drunk father, i don't want that..

so 11th october i stopped and haven't drank since.. might not seem a lot but it's the longest i've gone without drinking in 20 years..

i've been craving the sh*t out of a beer the last couple of days but i'm trying to see the cravings as ( this might seem a bit weird ) like a dying snake.. they are gonna rear up but hopefully they'll die..

i've been lurking on this site for a week or so and thought i'd post my situation and say hello..

for those who are sober a long time: do the cravings stop eventually ?

i've a big test coming up this week because i'm going back to my old home town and all my old drinking buddies will be there and want to see me, i need to figure out a plan to not drink, i hope i can do it, a part of me almost cannot believe i will succeed but another, stronger part of me wants to see this life through sober eyes and experience things in a different way than i have before..

it's good to be amongst people who know how i'm feeling..

thanks for listening happy halloween

Anna

I'm so glad you've made the decision to live a sober life and be the best father you can be. Congratulations on getting this far.

Personally, I couldn't have been around alcohol in the first few weeks and survived, or even in the first few months. I tried it and failed and knew it wasn't going to work. If you are going to see old drinking buddies, I hope you can make a plan that works for you.

Leaving

hey anna

thanks for reply - yeah i know it seems like it's going to be extremely difficult ..

i went out to a concert here last week with some friends and just drank ginger ale for the evening ( which kind of looks like whiskey ) so i reckon i'll try to do that..

i think if i can get through next weekend then that will be huge, i've tried to stop drinking before but always failed, i don't want to this time.. did you find cravings subside ?

i've been eating lots more candy and drinking more coffee in the last week too - the lesser evils i tell myself

Cascabel

The cravings do subside but it takes a while. For me, it took about six months before thoughts of drinking left the front of my mind. After a year or so, I seldom thought about drinking at all. It stayed that way for over thirty years and then I got cocky -- starting again after thirty+ years was one of my dumber decisions.

Br00ksie

Hey Leaving, Welcome!!

I relate to SO much in your post. I am 30, have been drinking since I was 14, have known that I had a problem with alcohol since I was 21, and have been FIGHTING my addiction for the past two years.

I finally made the decision to COMMIT to sobriety after my 30th birthday at the end of August. It was an intimidating decision, but I was desperate and unhappy and knew I had to either choose the pain of discipline or forever face pain of regret and self-loathing.

I'm only at day 30, but I will say, it DOES get better! The past month has had its ups and downs (such is The nature of LIFE), but being sober has allowed me to face challenges with a new outlook and perspective!

About halfway through the month I had a family related breakdown, and, in the midst of my sobs, all I could think about was how grateful I was to be processing my feelings in a sober way.

The CLARITY, self-confidence and self-esteem that I have gained in the past month are INCREDIBLE. I actually LIKE who I am becoming! I see results! I am full of gratitude.

My cravings have decreased CONSIDERABLY. I have worked really hard for this and have surrounded myself with people who support my sobriety and who have nurtured me in this incredibly vulnerable time.

SR has played a big supplemental role in that support!!!

Congrats on 15 days of sobriety! Keep up the good work! I can tell that you really want it, and I believe in you!! xo

hayley86

Welcome Leaving, congrats on your sober time. SR is a brilliant place for support. The cravings do subside. It gets easier. I'm glad you have joined us.

Leaving

cheers cascabel.. it's just great to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and the cravings will subside eventually..

the fact that you chose to try again shows true strength, the past is gone, it's only moment to moment that matters..

i'm sending you positive thoughts

x

Leaving

thanks a lot br00ksie !

i can feel your resolve in your post and completely relate to the clarity you talk about..

i know where the road will take me if i continue to drink but i don't have a clue where the sober path will go and that's both scary and exciting..

much respect for getting to 30 days ! each new sober day is something to cherish

x

Leaving

thanks hayley86 - it's great to have found this place

Br00ksie

Oh, I wanted to add that the book "Living Sober" was given to me at the first AA meeting I ever attended two years ago. I didn't go to another meeting for another two years, but it helped me a LOT in terms of wrapping my head around sobriety.

It's not a book to necessarily be read from cover to cover, but each chapter contains little pearls of wisdom that I have drawn from in order to face the daily challenges and resentments that I have encountered in sobriety.

I have included the link to an online version below to check out if you're interested. Xo

http://siestakeybeachmeeting.com/ind...ng%20Sober.pdf

Tamerua

I'm coming up on a year in December and I say that not to get any accolades but to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel for those newer than I am. I wish that I had done this sooner, I have a 13 year old boy and I'm 37. Somewhere around the 30 day mark it got easy. That first month I was squirrelly because I didn't know what to do with my down time, so I cleaned, watched movies, read (and remembered what I had read!)

This is such a good journey to take! Congrats on the new baby too!

IOAA2

Congratulations Leaving on your desires to get sober. In my early days I had a "need" to do things my way because........... Well most of that was a failure until I got honest with MY drinking. I got into AA when it was the only help around as the police, hospitals, bars and so on wanted nothing to do with alcoholics/drunks. It's helped millions world wide and still works if we want it offers, sanity in our life. It was said that we stay away from slippery places to maintain our sobriety and if absolutely necessary to go have a program person accompany us. It's surprising how often these slippery places hold no appeal to us within a short period.

As far as how long the desire lasts, that's a individual thing but lessens usually each day a bit. For myself I think it was less than a month. With my involvement in the fellowship it's been many years since wanting to, so it works if we work it. BE WELL

Pamel

Very glad you are here, Leaving. I grew up in an alcoholic home and it was awful-for both my parents too. My Father wanted to be a sober person but just couldn't keep it.

Also to Cascabel: I had a lot of sober time (13+ years, then another long one: 10? years).

The cravings do go away but there is a lot to be said for daily maintenance of your sobriety. It was a simple glass of Champagne at a Thanksgiving dinner with friends that brought me down. New Day 1: October 24

Correy

I guess it depends on an individual, but I have zero cravings (only on my day #29) at the moment. Alas, the instances of insanity during which I go crazy and want that drink like my life depends on it also occur, are powerful but, in fact, quite brief.

I try to learn to observe the cravings as something that is happening to me (like a heavy rain when you're out without an umbrella) but will go away for it is not a part of me.

In my last sober period before the relapse I had zero problems being with the people that drank, as long as it wasn't a intense binge coupled with BS.

It seems to me you have everything perfectly aligned for a new life - try and revisit the world with a sober par of eyes

Good luck!

Dee74

Welcome leaving

the cravings stopped eventually, yeah - took a while but they become easier and easier to handle

I had to change my life tho - my old life was all about beer...it was fine for drunk me but not so good for the man I wanted to become.

D

Hevyn

Welcome Leaving! Glad to have you join the family. This place has meant the world to me.

The cravings did subside & then pretty much stop - for me. You'll go through different phases as you learn to live in a different way. I was resentful when I first stopped, wishing I could drink socially. Once I admitted that could never happen, I accepted it and began to love my new life. Trying to manage my drinking had become exhausting and dangerous. I didn't have the sense to stop in my 30's like you are. I wish I could reclaim those lost years! You'll never have that regret. Be proud for making this big decision.

least

I'd guess my cravings went away about six months in. By a year I rarely thought of it at all. So yes, they do go away.


to SR! I'm glad you joined us.

CaiHong

welcome Leaving,
So glad you have decided to quit for good. My Mum drank as well and I vowed I would never drink like her, I didn't I was worse. LOL

The craving do go eventually, I think it is different for every person, the analogy of a venomous snake is a good one.

yes I think it will be a big test for you, if you do go out have an exit strategy planned.

All the best
Caihong

sommertime77

Do you go to any AA meetings? I can say they have helped me so much. I got a sponsor and this person is just an amazing part of my sobriety my sobriety date is sept 24th so I know how it is for sure and what you are going through I have five children. God be with you always!

pinkdog

Hi leaving, welcome. Good job on sobriety. I love the dying snake analogy. Sounds right to me. It will get easier.