Kizzer49

Well I made it to day 30. I also relapsed on this day. I highley regret my actions. I will start day1 tomorrow by signing into the 24 hour clug once again.

Duos any one know why i would go so long just to fall?

DoubleDragons

Kizzer, yesterday was day 28 for me and it is the closest I ever came to drinking again since I started my sobriety. I think I have read that month marks can be the hardest in the beginning?!?

Bottom line is that it was just a slip-up. You came right back to SR which is great. So obviously, you are picking sobriety over drinking. And the best thing is that you have already proven to yourself that you CAN do it (30 days is no small feat, believe me, I understand)!!

HeadLump

Oh, Kizzer. I can imagine how down you feel but you've bounced right back and signed right up again. That speaks volumes - and you'll be so much more prepared now

I don't know why it is, but milestones seem sometimes just like banana skins! Possibly, it's because your mind is telling you that you can do this and subconsciously you relax. Or maybe you think 'job done!' and start to forget the pain that led to quitting in the first place.

Thank you, Kizzer. You'll have helped many people (and most of all, I hope, yourself) by posting this

Kizzer49

I am really upset with myself.. I am going to california in a few days andi spent some of that moey =(
But thanks guys. Im going to start all over tomorrow considering i was drinking early.

trudgingagain

I think that once we start to feel "normal", there is that great obsession that someday we will be able to drink like "normal" people...it is tough. Been there and done that. Don't beat yourself up. You are back here with lots of help and support. You can do another 30....hang in there and enjoy Cali....sober

Kizzer49

Thanks again guys. Im at work so no drinking now.I will enjoy cali I am actually going to meet my girl friend for the first time and see the bay area.

TomSawyer

When I was quitting on my own (without AA) 30 days was a common slip-up point for me. For me at least, quitting in the beginning is the easy part because the pain of the last drinking episode is still fresh. When you get to 30 days, your mind and body starts feeling good, and it's at this point when the addiction starts to try and convince you that you are normal or that it wasn't so bad the last time you drank.

Just use it as a learning tool. Now you know that you have to be extra vigilant around the 30 day mark. I think we have to be extra cautious at those milestones - 30 days, 60 days, 90 days.

WhoDey

I quit for 5+ months earlier this year and then drank for the next 3. I'm on Day 5 today.

What's different about this time is that it's clear to me that I did not accept that I was an alcoholic the first time I quit. In the back of my mind, I was subconsciously thinking that once I broke the daily habit and regained control, I could drink in moderation.

I'm not happy about relapsing, but I'm not upset/ashamed about it either. I learned some valuable lessons that will assist me today. Good luck and enjoy your time in California.

trudgingagain

Someone once told me that things are put in front of you until you learn the lesson....I truly believe that, for me. I am still learning....day 13 for me

Bender

I believe Bill Gates said it..."It's fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure." I think this is especially true in recovery. I've known too many people with significant time in recovery that went out....myself included. It happened...your not dead or in jail...move forward and at the next 30 days (and every 30 days after) remember how you feel today. Keep up the good fight!

DoubleDragons

Trudging, I love this and truly believe it. I always tell my children that the Universe sends you little hints, if you ignore the first hint, the second hint is a little bit stronger, and so on and so on and so on, until you heed the lesson.

ZeldaFan

Hi Kizzer. You had a slip. No biggie as long as you get right back on track. I had 39 days and then slipped. I was really disappointed in myself and even did it again the next weekend. After the second slip, I learned the lesson that I think I was trying to give myself. I know I drank again at that 39 day mark to see if alcohol would make me feel as great as I had built it up in my head over those 39 days sober. It didn't. And the second time I did it even less. What I took from that was the feeling of regret and anxiety the next day was not worth the hour of so of feeling buzzed and happy. I'm now on day 8 after my second slip. My AV is still strong but not winning this time. I know what it brings.

Dust yourself off, don't be too down on yourself and get right back on track!

trudgingagain

I used to tell my girls, also, that you can start your day over anytime! I have to remember that myself

Correy

Ouch! I'd be on day #30 tomorrow. Also a Monday, my usual day for drinking...

Years ago, during my heaviest struggles with the beast, day #30 was as dangerous to me as were the days #3, #10 #100 (hehe... what a statistic of a drunk, recording relapse days).

Your event makes me more vigilant and I will get through my Monday without getting back to the day #01 - I can't stand that number anymore

I wish you all the luck in your struggle - getting to #30 was no mean feat.

Kizzer49

Thanks everyone for the help and advice. I will keep trying till i succeed.

ProgressNotPerfection

All I can say about it is that when I got clean and sober, we gave 30 day, 60 day then 90 day tokens - I was told that was because those were the first "mile stones" in the program - for some reason most folks will go out around these times. So pony up on the extra support coming up on these dates. 6 Month, 9 Month and One Year as well.

Notmyrealname

Even if you relapsed back to drinking you still got thirty days of practice under your belt. Changing habits you've been working on for years just isn't an overnight thing for most people. It's a process. Like in my case, I had a few periods of 2-3 months sober during the last year but each ended with me drinking again, and then my last quit was late June and so far, so good. So I started trying to get sober the June before last June, and had a year of . . failures? or was it a year of successes? Either, both, and neither, I suppose.

Dust off, get back on the horse. Hopefully it's getting easier. Good luck

Charlie88

Why is it that these month marks are so hard? Today is day 120 for me and it's by far the worst day I've had so far as far as obsessing goes. I have this horrible voice in my head telling me to just try it. I have NEVER "Just tried" anything, yet I think I'm capable of doing it now?
Kizzer- I admire your honesty and sincerity. You have the right attitude and that's good for me to see at this exact moment

Dee74

I dunno Kizzer - only you know what happened - what was going through your mind?

D

ProgressNotPerfection

I don't know why things seem to happen in thirty day cycles at the beginning. They just seem to. I do know people have a thirty day biorhythm and have long thought that maybe those two things are somehow related....