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Angry

Old 10-26-2013, 07:32 PM
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Angry

I have been reading all the post from others and it makes me feel better to know others are going through my pain and suffering too.

My partner has been sober 3 weeks now. He is very frustrated, irritated and angry with me. He doesn't want to talk to me or even be in the same room with me. As I read, I can see that others are getting this same treatment at home, so this is normal for sobriety??: He also combines that by telling me hurtful things. I am reading that it is in my best interest to leave him alone and speak when spoken too...as posted previously. I try very hard to be supportive and make his life a little better everyday without enabling. I am anxiety ridden and walking on egg shells.
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Old 10-26-2013, 07:43 PM
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Hi Ifeelcrazy, welcome to SR. Can I suggest you re-post in Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum where you will find lots of responders who know exactly what you're talking about?
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Old 10-26-2013, 07:46 PM
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Hi I feelcrazy

Early recovery is tough.

I think early recovery is as tough on the spouses maybe even tougher cos you can't do anything about someone elses behaviour, especially if they're not willing to talk about it.

Having said that, I think saying hurtful things and forcing you to be afraid in your own home is a bit beyond the normal irritation tho.

There's early recovery and then there's being a jackass.

I know you'll find a lot of support here tho - and in our Family and Friends forums too.

welcome
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Old 10-26-2013, 07:49 PM
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No one could give you a smart, well-informed reply given the scarcity of info we have. Moreover, I think we're not qualified to give family advices, and are rather here to support, listen and to wish each other the very best in our daily struggles.

However, I think we're free to express our feelings - and if I'm wrong I kindly ask veterans of SR to correct me and even delete this post - so all I can say is that it is absolutely inexcusable for anyone to treat other human being with unprovoked anger and insults!

No one deserves to live anxiety ridden and walking on eggs shells because of someone else, recovery or no recovery.

Hope he'll come to his senses. Assuming he's not dangerous (physically) for your health, I'd calmly confront him, not by accusing him of anything, rather by sharing your feelings of anxiety, fear and misfortune.

Try to talk, if possible at all, in a non judgmental way (always start with a compliment, focusing on his best side) because you need to:
a) understand him and what is he going through and than
b) he would need to understand you and that would be a good way to start healing.

But do not let yourself suffer and to be bullied for whatever excuse might exist. Do not forget, we drunks, we're masters of excuses.

Good luck.
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Old 10-26-2013, 08:14 PM
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Sounds like you are handling things better than you should Ifeelcrazy.

This is just my opinion, and I hope I'm wrong, but his actions with three weeks sobriety sounds like he is setting himself up for a relapse, and blame it on you.

Hoping the best for you. There are lots of family support threads on SR that may be helpful.

Welcome to SR. Mybe you can get your partner to join.
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Old 10-26-2013, 08:15 PM
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Angry, It seems no one has touched on the issue; Are you drinking? I only ask because that was my situation when I first got sober. I don't in any way, shape or form mean to put blame on you. Whether that's the case or not, there's only so much BS a person can be expected to put up with.
What ever the situation, keep posting! Lots of support here.

Your friend,

Ron
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Old 10-27-2013, 02:49 AM
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Sadly we often lash out the worst at those we love the most. It's a very confusing, frustrating and disorienting time for someone the first few months of getting sober. Part is physical as the body chemistry adjusts to a radically different chemical balance. Another is psychological as the mind searches for equilibrium and has to relearn how to cope, react and live.

The best things is be as patient as you can, give him some space and try to talk to him. When you do, don't make him feel like he's under attack; frame is as concerned and loving, and ask how you can help him help your relationship. I want to stress that it's not your fault!

You may want to check out the friends and family section of SR, too.
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