I'm tired
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 5
I'm tired
I have been addicted to crack cocaine for a long time and now I can say that I'm tired. I've done and is still going through a lot of crazy stuff. I've seen a lot, been through a lot and my family is divided and bitter towards each other and I'm bitter towards them. My wife took my 3 children and left me and now she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I use to beat her up badly though. My kids despise me. I've been in out of relationships and joined lots of churches and left the churches when I feel self sufficient with the help they provide and soon as I lose everything again. I go find another woman and another church I can use to help me and when I get what I want I leave them. I know how to get what I want. Ive been doing it for years. But honestly, I love God, I love Jesus and the bible and I know the bible very well but I keep backsliding. I think that more than anything I want to quit because I'm running from pillar to post I am homeless. I've been running in and out of the hospital. I had an episode where I had chest pains. I also have issues with my back. I have herniated disks and I am in constant pain with that. So, I've just went to a Rehab place in Ashtabula today. All I ask is that everyone pray for me!!! Thank you!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome Marty! You found a good place to share what you're going through. I hope you'll keep posting - I think it will help you to be here where people understand.
My DOC is alcohol, but I felt the same as you when I came crawling in here. I was tired. It was exhausting to keep up the lifestyle I had cursed myself with. All the effort I put into drinking and trying to control it was killing me. You can get your life back Marty, and we want to help. Please keep reading & posting.
My DOC is alcohol, but I felt the same as you when I came crawling in here. I was tired. It was exhausting to keep up the lifestyle I had cursed myself with. All the effort I put into drinking and trying to control it was killing me. You can get your life back Marty, and we want to help. Please keep reading & posting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
I'm glad you came here Marty! We are here for you and look forward to getting to know you more. I gave up my DOC (alcohol) because I was tired as well. I was tired of being horrible to the people I love, tired of feeling horrible all the time, tired of trying to keep up a double life between drinking and holding down a career, tired of not remembering most of my time outside of work and, most of all, tired of being controlled by something I used to turn away from.
Stay active here and I will be pulling for you!
Stay active here and I will be pulling for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 5
Thank you
I'm happy to be here and happy for the positive responses I get here. It's good to feel human again and to know that I matter. I care for this one lady but I know I have wronged her but I'm too ashamed to look her in the eye and admit my guilt and my wrongdoings. I want to and I don't want to. After I leave this rehab place which should be from 7 to 10 days I wonder would I be able to.
Thanks Everyone
react
Thanks Everyone
react
Saved By Grace
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oop North, Furtlin' me Ferrets
Posts: 410
Marty it's been my experience that God can and will lift the obsession to use if you humbly ask him on your knees every morning. I have believed in Jesus my entire life and kept wondering why going to Church was doing nothing for my addictions, and therefore, doing nothing for my behaviors. It wasn't until I did a thorough examination of myself and my part in the wreckage of my past that I became right sized so that the holy spirit could reside within me. Ever gone to NA? Work on tackling drugs/addictions and then the line of communication with God will clear up, no more static. I'll keep you in my prayers amigo, and congrats on being tired of being sick and tired. Thats actually not such a bad place to be!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
Young and Clean said some powerful words of wisdom. It sounds like your nearing rock bottom, if you haven't already hit. But don't despair! There is hope for you yet. The one positive thing about being in your position is that you have so many wonderful things to experience as a sober person! You can do this.
Spinning Sober
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 397
Welcome 
You don't have to live like you are. There is a way out. My drugs of choice were alcohol and pain pills but I had sprees of use of other drugs such as crack and crystal meth.. pretty much whatever I could get my hands on. My life and myself were a complete a complete wreck before I went to rehab and joined AA. I have struggled with sobriety the past 3 years but what I tasted of sobriety is much better than the life I was living.
You don't have to live like you are. There is a way out. My drugs of choice were alcohol and pain pills but I had sprees of use of other drugs such as crack and crystal meth.. pretty much whatever I could get my hands on. My life and myself were a complete a complete wreck before I went to rehab and joined AA. I have struggled with sobriety the past 3 years but what I tasted of sobriety is much better than the life I was living.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Marty! Welcome to SR your support family who cares. You question about this lady in your life, can't look her in the eye...think of how proud she will be to know all the hard work you have put in to your recent sobriety. I think she will accept and respect the hard work you will be putting in over this next week at the rehab you are in. YOU are the most important person in your life right now, take care of YOU! Have a wonderful weekend! TF
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by trudgingagain 
So glad you are here. My 25 year old daughter remains addicted to meth and heroin...on the streets of Los Angeles, somewhere. Glad you made it...hang in there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 5
To all my friends here I'm more than happy to have you all to help me through this. All the words you speak does help because they are positive. I thank you all so much. Right now I don't have much to say which is the truth because I only want to speak the truth. I'm not on here to tell lies and to be phony I like to keep everything 100. I am so depressed right now and don't know what to do with myself. The people here at this rehab told me that they tested me and don't see nothing in my system. I've used about a week ago before I came into rehab which was the Friday before last. Do you all know if crack cocaine can be shown in your system? Or does it leave your system after a certain time? I don't know. Does someone know. I think this rehab will put me on outpatient. But I am tired of that life I had out there. I changed my phone number and got rid of all my old friends and my intentions are that I will stay away from all negative people and walk with Jesus!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi Marty,
From reading your posts I can hear how much you want change. I don't know anything about how long crack stays in your system, but I want you to know I will be praying for you. Keep talking to God; he loves you dearly, you are his child!
From reading your posts I can hear how much you want change. I don't know anything about how long crack stays in your system, but I want you to know I will be praying for you. Keep talking to God; he loves you dearly, you are his child!
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