So Sad - Need Support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 136
So Sad - Need Support
I have to now sell my home because of the actions of exAH. All the furniture is gone and home empty as I sit here now on the floor with just my PC. I am not a vengeful person but sure would love to know sometime why my ex caused all this destruction and having to lose house, pets, everything and he has moved on to someone else. . .like no big deal! I am hoping for a little karma or at least some answers why in his intoxicated mind he felt life would be better with someone else. Funny thing is, I think he found out about me having to sell & now the idiot is giving out my address as his & sending his mail & bills to my home and also to my work address?? And just hoping you great guys pass your good wishes onto me as I head to another location out of state & try to start over. . .somehow, someway! 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
I have no words to express my feelings for your desperate situation , people do survive , life will return and hopefully it will flower soon for you.
Good luck with all that needs doing and I'm sure the Karma police will work there stuff, personally I wish you better than I would wish his downfall.
John.
Good luck with all that needs doing and I'm sure the Karma police will work there stuff, personally I wish you better than I would wish his downfall.
John.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
flicka,
I don't know why they do the things they do. Mine did this to me in a little bit different way. He made it impossible for me to be in my house. I had to leave. It was just unbearable. We did sell the house, but I was too afraid to go there to take much more then my clothes. I lost everything, all the furniture, my pets, I couldn't even say goodbye to this. Couldn't say goodbye to my memories.
He sold the house, and as we sat there through the closing, he kept referring to me as his wife to the new buyers. I wanted to jump across the real estate agent there and rip his throat out when he said that.
He also didn't take the furniture, he moved in with his girlfriend and all of her stuff.
There is a special place in h3ll for them.
Sometimes I look at it like, I loved him that much, that it took something like that to get me to see the light.
Just know that you are so much better off without him.
and many, many ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you. After awhile, it was a blessing to me that I mostly left with only my clothes. I now don't have to see the memories to remind me of him each day.
I don't know why they do the things they do. Mine did this to me in a little bit different way. He made it impossible for me to be in my house. I had to leave. It was just unbearable. We did sell the house, but I was too afraid to go there to take much more then my clothes. I lost everything, all the furniture, my pets, I couldn't even say goodbye to this. Couldn't say goodbye to my memories.
He sold the house, and as we sat there through the closing, he kept referring to me as his wife to the new buyers. I wanted to jump across the real estate agent there and rip his throat out when he said that.
He also didn't take the furniture, he moved in with his girlfriend and all of her stuff.
There is a special place in h3ll for them.
Sometimes I look at it like, I loved him that much, that it took something like that to get me to see the light.
Just know that you are so much better off without him.
and many, many ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you. After awhile, it was a blessing to me that I mostly left with only my clothes. I now don't have to see the memories to remind me of him each day.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello flicka,
You know, after all this time, I have no answers about the "why's" of an active alcoholic. I wish I did, it might make things easier for me--for a lot of people.
I hope that you have someplace line up to stay.
As for his mail, if it were me, I would write "Return to Sender, Address Unknown" on each envelope and put them back in the mail.
You know, after all this time, I have no answers about the "why's" of an active alcoholic. I wish I did, it might make things easier for me--for a lot of people.
I hope that you have someplace line up to stay.
As for his mail, if it were me, I would write "Return to Sender, Address Unknown" on each envelope and put them back in the mail.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I have this thought about Karma. She is my best friend. Sometimes she takes a while to act but boy when she does she is a huge bi**h! His time is coming. You normally don't even have to participate in it, people like that hook right up with Karma and bury themselves.
Good Luck and God Bless!
Good Luck and God Bless!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Today, Flicka, you are SR's own Meryll Streep.
There she sat, in a similar situation. Reading a book (pre internet of course!) sitting on the floor with a few minor possessions in her empty house all by herself. Out of Africa. Leaving, had lost everything, on her way back to Denmark.
Do you remember?
She lost her husband, as their relationship faded with his philandering. She lost her coffee farm, as it went up in smoke. She lost all her possessions, as she had to sell them at a tag sale. She lost Dennis, as he went down in his airplane.
BUT---!
What a strong character! She had within her the thing that mattered most, the character building of all those experiences. Could she see the wonderful character she had become?
Probably not as we don't always see the strength within ourselves. Others do though. Anyone who sees that movie walks away from it with nothing but respect for such a strong woman.
Perhaps it's time for you to watch it again!
It's one of my favorite movies of all time, and for one reason only. The strength and beautiful character that Meryll became throughout that movie.
There she sat, in a similar situation. Reading a book (pre internet of course!) sitting on the floor with a few minor possessions in her empty house all by herself. Out of Africa. Leaving, had lost everything, on her way back to Denmark.
Do you remember?
She lost her husband, as their relationship faded with his philandering. She lost her coffee farm, as it went up in smoke. She lost all her possessions, as she had to sell them at a tag sale. She lost Dennis, as he went down in his airplane.
BUT---!
What a strong character! She had within her the thing that mattered most, the character building of all those experiences. Could she see the wonderful character she had become?
Probably not as we don't always see the strength within ourselves. Others do though. Anyone who sees that movie walks away from it with nothing but respect for such a strong woman.
Perhaps it's time for you to watch it again!
It's one of my favorite movies of all time, and for one reason only. The strength and beautiful character that Meryll became throughout that movie.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Here come a thousand good wishes for each time he caused you pain.
No one deserves this, and it is just impossible to fathom what goes on in people's minds when they do evil and cause pain.
I am sorry for all your losses. And you are entitled to grieve the loss of it all, from house to possessions to love to marriage and to dreams. It is a loss and you have suffered.
For me, over time, I was able to re-orient myself so that what felt initially like huge loss also began to be the very real possibility of re-inventing my life in a way that made ME happy.
I ended up taking pretty much only stuff that had been mine before we married, or that was my personal stuff like clothing. Initially, I felt so angry and sad and cheated because the life I had built with him included possessions that represented a lot of important times and memories in my life. My now AXH had given me a dining room hutch, table and chairs for our 10th anniversary, and I felt I was leaving a whole era of happy family holiday gatherings over lovingly made dinners behind. That got confused in my head with needing to take the actual furniture to keep the good memories.
As times goes by, I've been able to separate the memories from the stuff, and I can keep the memories without that towering cherry hutch. I realized that I don't want his energy or presence in my new life. It was kind of a physical purging of the stuff that reminded me emotionally of how bad it had gotten. And I am now very pleased when I look around and see just what reflects who I am now.
My new and dear friend and I just found 2 antique wooden panel doors stuck in the attic at my new house, no use for them, and it occurred to her that we each could make a headboard for our beds. We'll have fun this cold winter transforming them.
I'm not making less of your loss. It is huge, you have and are suffering, and I am very vey sorry. I'm just saying that this is the beginning of your new life, and it is all yours and there can be a lot of joy and discovery in that.
And we'll all from SoberRecovery be with you.
ShootingStar1
No one deserves this, and it is just impossible to fathom what goes on in people's minds when they do evil and cause pain.
I am sorry for all your losses. And you are entitled to grieve the loss of it all, from house to possessions to love to marriage and to dreams. It is a loss and you have suffered.
For me, over time, I was able to re-orient myself so that what felt initially like huge loss also began to be the very real possibility of re-inventing my life in a way that made ME happy.
I ended up taking pretty much only stuff that had been mine before we married, or that was my personal stuff like clothing. Initially, I felt so angry and sad and cheated because the life I had built with him included possessions that represented a lot of important times and memories in my life. My now AXH had given me a dining room hutch, table and chairs for our 10th anniversary, and I felt I was leaving a whole era of happy family holiday gatherings over lovingly made dinners behind. That got confused in my head with needing to take the actual furniture to keep the good memories.
As times goes by, I've been able to separate the memories from the stuff, and I can keep the memories without that towering cherry hutch. I realized that I don't want his energy or presence in my new life. It was kind of a physical purging of the stuff that reminded me emotionally of how bad it had gotten. And I am now very pleased when I look around and see just what reflects who I am now.
My new and dear friend and I just found 2 antique wooden panel doors stuck in the attic at my new house, no use for them, and it occurred to her that we each could make a headboard for our beds. We'll have fun this cold winter transforming them.
I'm not making less of your loss. It is huge, you have and are suffering, and I am very vey sorry. I'm just saying that this is the beginning of your new life, and it is all yours and there can be a lot of joy and discovery in that.
And we'll all from SoberRecovery be with you.
ShootingStar1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 136
Thank you all guys--you sure all lifted my spirits. Soon I will also be losing my job because he spread such ugly rumors about me at my job my integrity is in question so that made me realize I "need to get outta Dodge". I will keep your thoughts with me--it will be a great new life--even at my ripe old age! You all went through the same thing and you have all done wonderful--I hope I can be as strong as all of you and achieve all the wonderful things you all have done & especially helping others like me in need just when we need it! Thank you again--have a great day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Portsmouth UK
Posts: 8
all you see at the moment is what you have lost, in time you will look back and see what you have gained because of all this heartache and loss, something much better is just waiting for you and now you can let go and get all the good you deserve.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I know it's hard and overwhelming right now but you know what?
I've done it. m1k3 is doing it. Pulling up stakes, putting our few belongings into the modern equivalent of a covered wagon, and heading towards new opportunities.
It won't be easy. But it will be worth it. Promise.
Big hugs.
I've done it. m1k3 is doing it. Pulling up stakes, putting our few belongings into the modern equivalent of a covered wagon, and heading towards new opportunities.
It won't be easy. But it will be worth it. Promise.
Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree that many times hardships turn into blessings. It may be hard to see from here, but think about all the strong people on this forum and also out and about in the world that have went through extreme hardship and come out blazing on the other side with so many positive benefits.
You can and will do this and you will be a better person because of it. Stay strong.
God Bless.
You can and will do this and you will be a better person because of it. Stay strong.
God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer! If good news can be found thru all of the heartache, know that you're free of him! You have a clean slate whereas he will continue to lead a miserable life, but the misery will be his and not yours. You will shop for furniture and other household items that will have no memories of the past misery attached to them. A completely clean palette to create new & good memories on--this is very positive indeed & I hope you can fine more positives about all that has transpired. Perhaps write them down and when you find yourself dwelling on the bad, go back and read all the positives to yourself!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 58
I feel for you going through all of this. But, I agree with others. Karma will come around to your ex. You have a new chance on a new and happy life. Be positive as you can be and embrace the changes and be thankful you are out of the madness!
God Bless you
God Bless you
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