Dino123

Hello everybody,

I am trying my best to say sober(ish) and going to meetings with my sponsor. I have gone cold turkey three times. Two after very strong tremors and vomiting my guts out with my GF crying next to me, after that I stopped drinking any hard alcohol and only had wine and an odd beer during lunch.

I am only 30 but have been drinking almost daily for years with few odd months sober here and there. It runs heavily in the family genes, but that is no excuse.

Three weeks ago my boss caught me having a small bottle of wine in my laptop bag and confronted me about it. I started instantly cry out of shame and the whole floor looked wide eyed at me. He sent me home and the next thing I did was empty that bottle. I felt so destroyed that I felt like I needed that drink just to get me home .

He promised to keep it between us if he can come to the AA meetings with me and since he is also a close friend he wanted to sponsor me, so I am not tackling this alone.

We had a big meeting the next day and I promised not to drink at all, not a single drop, which I of course did not apply to. I had wine in the evening, but nothing the next day making sure he could not smell the booze in my breath.

At 6pm after the meeting I collapsed on the street, him beside me, third visit to A&E. Him holding my hand all the way to the hospital.

The doctors did a full check up and put me on drip. I was sent home. One of the doctors said, "This is very unethical of me, but I your hands start to shake, go and have one drink, going cold turkey will kill you". Every morning my hands are shaking and I need to have a drink, not to get me drunk, but simply because I am too scared that if I do not have that drink I will have another seizure.

I have a doctor friend who has given me benzodiazepines ( which are not usually given to treat alcoholism here in the UK ) in case of I get really bad tremors but this has not happened in the last year.

I am now too scared to go long stints without a drink and slowly recovering and quitting but I am just too scared not to have a drink if I am alone because of the risk of another seizure.

Is anyone feeling like this or having these morning shakes?

Thank You and sorry for the long rant.

Deanos.

Dee74

I think you got some odd advice - odd for 2013 anyway.

For many years, the treatment *was* often to take a drink - there were not many other options around...but it was all very hit and miss - especially if the patient had to also be the Dr.

Generally, we're not great at portion control.

It was never meant to be a permanent situation either - only in emergencies.

nowadays tho there are so many many other medications available for people concerned about seizures - I'd go and get a second opinion.

Noone *needs* to drink. Your inner addict is really dining out on that idea, and it's a false premise.

Even the worst alcoholics in the world have had to give up alcohol if they wanted to live.

If you're worried about seizures, go and see another Dr, Dino.

D

Skye2

I don't have any experience but I would suggest you need a medically supervised detox, as much for the sake of your nerves as anything - must be horrendous living with so much fear.

All the best with it all

Twinings

The UK will prescribe benzos if you go through a home detox program. You'll get the right amount for what you'll need and within a set amount a time be alcohol and drug free.
Go see your GP and ask!
If you're not able to do a home detox they can find an inpatient for you.

Good luck, but go get another opinion!

Dino123

Thanks for the reply. I have really been thinking about checking in to a clinic. It is just the feeling of shame that I actually need to go to rehab and the devil inside me is doing its best to turn my head around. My parents don't live in the UK, which would make it easier since they would not have to know.

Other problem is that I work in finance. With the city boys hitting the pub every singe second they have a chance and it is a stressful area to work in to begin with.

I just keep lying to myself that I can handle the situation, but with the tolerance so high after so many years of hitting the bottle. I can down few wine bottles without even noticing it.

Very worrying.

Skye2

Dino, there's no shame in having an illness and getting it treated

Can I mention though, I would be cautious about telling people that you have a 'doctor friend' who gave you pills - S/he could get struck off for that!!

Xx

Dino123

He/She lives in another country, far far away where they are available much easier. I only mentioned it because my GP here in the UK did not allow me to have them, but at the time I lied and said that I needed them for sleeping problems and stress.

Now after going to AA and having the will problem I will go back and explain what is the real problem in my life.

But never the less very valid point, I need to zip my mouth about that.

Skye2

LadyinBC

Yes I had the shakes and they lasted for weeks after i quit drinking. I quit cold turkey without any medical advice as I didn't realize that detoxing could be so serious.

I drank my booze like water and I pretty well drank every single day.

ippochick

a couple of guys in my home group go to meetings in the city when they're up in town. quite well attended, as i understand it.

for clarity - is your boss wanting to go to AA with you and sponsor you? is he in AA himself?

IOAA2

Hi. I personally would get to a detox and perhaps a rehab. I understand your feelings but the shame you now feel will be turned into a proud feeling because your doing something about you alcoholism which is deadly and not nice at all.

In the "old" days when doing a 12 step call which resulted in a ride to a detox it was advised that we have a 1/2 pint in case of a DT emergency. Things have changed a lot in the last 20 years or so, Probably very few ever heard of a 12 step call. BE WELL

Zebra1275

Drinking to prevent the shakes just delays the inevitable.

Your body is telling you that it needs alcohol to "feel normal." If you want to get sober you need an exit strategy. Drinking every morning does not qualify as an exit strategy.

You need medical assistance, and possibly 2 - 3 days in the hospital to overcome the physical addiction. And once you do this, you need to not drink again.

Dino123

ippochick,

I go to the city meetings which are open with my sponsor boss. He wants to support me and that is why he goes with me. They are open meetings so he is there just for support.

Zebra1275,

I know. I have tried it so many times on my own and always failed.

ippochick

thanks for the clarification. i'm easily confused!

speak to your GP about a home detox. its carefully controlled and should help you feel stronger so you can tackle your plan for sobriety.

very best of luck.

Pondlady

I understand your fear of withdrawal, it is scary. Please get a second opinion from another doctor. You are fortunate your boss is so supportive.

Dino123

It is. When I had my second one I almost bit my tongue in half.

I am very fortunate and I am really grateful that he is there and understands that I am actually an addict who needs help. After thinking about it lately, I am actually happy that he caught me red handed. At the time I was devastated and in so much pain and shame, but if that incident would not have happened... the road to recovery would have never started and I would have never been able to head to AA and say the famous line.

anchorbird

Thank you for your honesty, good for you.

For me, tapering off was the best choice. I am so glad I did and have almost 2 weeks of sobriety. I didn't shake, didn't vomit, but I did sweat at night the first 5 days. Hang in there, you CAN do this.

Dino123

I think honesty is the first step to recovery. I have lied to myself for years.

After my first seizure my GF said that maybe I should seek help. I replied I got it under control, it was not alcohol related... It must have been stress, no sleep, not eating enough, the constant travelling etc. All lies. The second day I got out I was on it again. I was 29 at the time and thought such a young person can not be an alcoholic or have a problem even though I just came from hospital after having a life threatening seizure because I drank too much.

Then a mutual friend called me and asked if I would be her sponsor. I decided to support her since I did not have a problem. Went to my first meeting. Listened to the stories from people of all ages and backgrounds and could see myself in them.

Still was not sold, but after few tremor sessions I actually started to fear for my life and accepted that I was truly a 24/7/365 addict and after that been a regular visitor at meetings, unfortunately sometimes re-lapsing.