jazzfish

It is day 6 for me and I am posting because I feel the need to reach out at this point. I always seem to stumble right before these little milestones at 1 week, 2 weeks, or 1 month. I don’t really know why, except that I am feeling good and start to think I can drink responsibly THIS time.

I am in the middle of looking for a new job and the whole process is draining and demoralizing. It seems to play to every fear I have about life. BUT, I want to stay sober and get through this.

It’s morning time and, as James Brown would say, I feel good. I have no thoughts of drinking right now, but I wanted to do something different and reach out during a period when the drinking thoughts usually sneak back into my mind.

MythOfSisyphus

Stay strong, Jazzfish. You know getting drunk won't help. I know how it feels to want that drink. You just need to remind yourself what's at stake.

Skye2

Well done for recognising your trigger times I'm sure you'll get through this time

forabetterlife

Good for you jazzfish. Stay close here on SR, that always helps me too during those trigger times.

I have also decided on a motto that seems to answer every craving and rationalization I have to start drinking again..."It DOES matter". Often my excuse to drink is something like, "It doesn't matter if I drink once every 2 weeks, at least its not every day" or "It doesn't matter if I drink as long as I am alone and no one knows" or "It doesn't matter if I have 2-3 drinks, I'll be fine and I'll feel fine tomorrow" (it's NEVER 2-3 drinks btw). From my many slips that resulted from those "it doesn't matter" excuses, I am just going to scream at that voice in my head for however long it takses, "IT DOES MATTER!".

I think that sounds crazy! But whatever works

Change4good

Stay strong, stay close. As people always reminded me when I felt vulnerable to relapse, play the tape backwards. We have all seen this movie, and we know how it ends. :-)

Dee74

I think sometimes its useful not to think of 'day 6 or whatever but just of 'today':

'I will not drink today...no matter what...' has a nice ring to it.
It's perfectly achievable.

you can do this jazzfish

D

Kaneda8888

Jazzfish, as Dee says, just focus on today. Live in the present and be conscious of how you're feeling. Post as much as you can to get through the day.

jazzfish

Thanks, all! I can do this.

Dee and Kaneda, I agree and I try to keep that frame of mind, but as I near the 7, 14 or 30 day marks my mind always seems to pick up on this and either tries to sabotage me before I get there or sabotage me immediately after by "rewarding" my achievement. I'll keep reminding myself that it is just today that matters, because "it DOES matter."

Toffee1

Jazz fish you hit the nail on the head. It is your MIND . Re read your last post. It is your mind. The great news is that your mind cannot control your physical actions. It cannot make you open a bottle. You can control your mind, recognise what it is trying to do. This is your AV . Expect the urges and expect the thoughts but don't act on them. See how long they last. Do something to distract your mind if needed. If you haven't done so look up anything you can on AVRT. It helps me and may help you. Stay strong.

changeiscoming

I just recently got a new job and it is very demoralizing. IT makes me feel insecure - like I do not deserve this job and I hate the way that feels so I understand where you are coming from. Stay stong and you do deserve nothing but the best no matter what the committee in your head tells you.

Kaneda8888

Jazzfish

Just checking in to see if you are ok.

jazzfish

Thanks, Kaneda. No, I didn't make it. Again. I don't even know what happened. Luckily, I didn't go all out and stopped quickly. Unfortunately, I feel as bad as if I did go all out.

There are only a few options left for things that I can do differently.

TexasMichael

Wow jazzfish. Sorry to hear you slipped again.

You always have such good advice for others.

Your posts have helped me many times.

Hope you feel better soon.

doggonecarl

When I saw this I wondered what you had been doing to stay sober, and on a 10/23 post you wrote:

I have cobbled together my own approach that is more secular and uses the support on this site, insights and direction from writing in my journal, and exercise and meditation. I am considering AA as I think face-to-face support would be beneficial for me. My main motivation was recognizing the link between my drinking and the increasing problems in my life, along with 3 decades of not being able to control my drinking.

Perhaps it is time to shift from considering face to face support to actually engaging in it.

Getting sober on our own is difficult because we have to rely on our own stinking thinking...the same kind of thinking that kept us drinking. Some people accomplish it. You are struggling. So you have to try all the options, even the ones that scare you the most.

Roadr440

Hi Jassfish- Sorry to here that you picked up again, it makes me sad to here but I've been where your at many times before.

If you want to be sober, stop drinking and follow a plan. Learn everything you can about this disease, be your own teacher and surround yourself with sound people. No matter your situation Jassfish, you CAN recover. Make a choice and take ACTION. You can do this.

All the best!!...