black789

Hi, any advice greatly received!
Me and my husband share a 70cl bottle of vodka a night! On weekends it's a litre and beer or wine aswell! I'm feeling pretty desperate now, I want to quit but don't think my husband does.. we have had the two nights tops not drinking! and .. it's almost unbareable we barely speak! It takes me hours to fall asleep and my husband doesn't sleep. I still eat ok, but he doesn't want to eat because he hasn't slept and it almost seems in a weird way its better to keep drinking.. has anyone else found themselves in this position.. can anyone tell me how long it took them to get a normal sleep pattern back.. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow as I think medication could help us x

jazzfish

For me, the normal sleep starts to return fairly quickly, although it is very uneven. One thing I find is that while drinking I have been exhausted because drunken sleep is not very good. At first, my body seems to require very little sleep. I find that 5 hours of sober sleep beats 9 hours of drunken sleep, so I may wake up very early (today 4:40am), but it is still better than before.

Getting sober is easier if both people are on board, but you have to do it for yourself. Have you had a talk with him about the need to quit?

black789

yes. it's very difficult the problem is he doesn't want to, but I don't think he ever will his attitude is very much, 'you could get hit by a bus tomorrow' and because we don't smoke, we eat healthily we are active and not overweight he thinks it will be ok

liberated

Hi and welcome! He may truly not be ready to stop- like it was said he needs to want it for himself. You sound ready and what has been said is so true- sleep does return and it's deeper and more restful than you even can imagine.. In the meantime- at least for me- buyy the fifth day things took a turn for the better. Granted, I am only on day 27, but that is how it was for me. Try some b vitamins as well- they help your nervous system and that can help your brain and system with all nervous functions- including sleep. Good luck and please keep us posted!

IOAA2

Hi and welcome. Very seldom will a person get sober until they want to and at that point they need to get honest with themselves about their drinking. Also no one can get another person drunk or sober, see above. I can't understand how an "eating healthy" lifestyle can include the intake of alcohol. It's a toxic poison last I heard, all rationalization aside. Yes it is a relaxer as it eats away inside. BE WELL

Twofish

Hi Black and welcome to SR! Work on yourself. You have a plan, go see the Dr. find more support and get yourself well. You sound ready, your husband may not be. YOU are on the road to sobriety! Keep posting and keep reading! TF

Anna

I'm glad that you want to stop drinking and that you are planning to talk to your dr.

It's unlikely that you will be able to change your husband's mind about drinking, so the best thing to do is to show him, by example, that you can live a happy and sober life.

trudgingagain

My husband drinks too. I have gotten sober on and off for years. He married a sober woman. I married a man who drinks. Each time I relapsed, somewhere in the back of my mind I think I wanted to be able to "drink like him". He can drink all day and NEVER get drunk. At one point in our marriage, though, he too admitted that he had a drinking problem and we were sober together. He didn't stay sober, but by that time I was committed to sobriety. Now that I am sober (again), with only 10 days, his drinking has slowed waaaaaaay down. I realize that I WANT to be sober for ME. What he does is his business. Maybe he is just a heavy drinker and not an alcoholic, like me? Who knows? All I know is that I feel better and I never want to drink again.

least

to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family.

huntingtontx

Hi Black. I am glad you are here with us. I have been sober for over three months now, and my husband is an alcoholic that does not want to stop. If you get sober, it has to be for you, it can't be on the condition that he will do the same. Anyway, it does get better and you can do it if you want to. Hang in there, we are here for you.

Woohoo

Hi Black,

My husband has drank our whole married life (15 years) I drank with him for the first few years. To the point I was sick and hung over and he never got sick and seemed ok each day. I realized his tolerance was built up and mine wasn't. It scared me..so I stopped for years. I dreaded him drinking after work and buying it for him I felt like an enabler. But, if i didn't go get it he did and then he was mad. I drank on occasion ..mostly socially. But, knew i could put it down when i wanted. He could lay it own for months..one time even a full year. But, he was a dry drunk and not happy. I think he needs alcohol to feel normal..because he has been drinking since he was in his teens. He is 51 now. I didn't drink anything for a year..worked hard..felt so much better about myself. He seemed to dive deeper into drinking when i stopped. He would drink an 18 pack a beer a day and on weekends..much more to the point of passing out in his chair ..it was digusting to watch and sad.

I stayed sober regardless and found SR to deal with what i was going through with him an my marriage. He decided to sell our business and move us 900 miles away to a small town, we were from a big city..stores all over..many friends..my work. I couldn't change his mind. He said come with or go away. It was that bad. I did come with because I love him. I thought it would be a good change for us. He worked on his sobriety on his own once we moved here. He was sober for 4 months or so..then a friend came over and offered him one beer. I saw it and my heart sank. I knew it would turn into another and another. He reassured me it was only a couple and no big deal. Before you know it..he is bringing home a 6 pack..course that lead to a 12 pack and so on..you get the picture. I was so down and so lonely in this new place. I started to give up an give in ...that old if you can't beat em join em thing. I know i am depressed and using alcohol now to escape. But, It still makes me sick inside and in my soul. SO here I am back on SR. Reading your story really hit home for me. I love my husband and I want to please him and wish we could drink normally together. But, i know that can never happen. He has to do it in his own time..if he ever does. I have to live for me and my health.

Good luck to you and if you ever want to talk...message me

black789

Thanks for the advice everyone! Feeling positive now had another chat with my husband and he said he is ready to try!! So going to the doctors on Monday, both of us and he said he's ready to start then.. Feeling happy! Hope we can both get there this time and have a better longer life ahead of us

trudgingagain

Great news!

Pondlady

I'm glad to hear you're going to the doctor together. It's important to be completely honest with him / her, about your drinking....they can't effectively help you without the facts.

Try not to use the excuse that you have one more week end to drink......stop now

Twofish

Hey Woohoo! Thanks for sharing your story and it was on your post #50. I'm not really into numbers, but sharing something that personal...be strong and dont give in to the AV! I'm glad you found us again, we can offer you 50 times more the support you are not getting at home. 50 must mean something, who know except our HP! TF
Sorry for hogging your thread Black, I just had the urge to say this to Woohoo!