patricia68

I know I haven't posted a lot lately, but I'm still sober.
I'm just feeling very sad for no reason. Blah. Meh. I just want to hide under a pile of blankets and sleep and forget about all this struggle.
Once I was a happy, optimistic, fairly pretty, full of life girl...now I just feel like a robot. I would give anything to be that girl again, I just can't remember how to be happy.
Sorry about the depressing post

PippoRossi

Hi, Patricia. Glad to see you posting and that you are still sober. Can I ask how long have you been sober? Some of your emotions right now are quite normal for those in early sobriety. Heck, I've got more than one year w/out alcohol and I still feel exactly like you do on occassion.

patricia68

Thank you Pippo, I've been sober for over 6 weeks, with a couple of minor slips.

Nuudawn

Hi Patricia. No need to apologize. There is both shadows and sunlight in sobriety (kinda like life). I have been struggling a bit myself lately therefore feel more kinship with those battling the blues like yourself. So thank you for your post. I don't feel so alone : )

There are days I just have to veer away from the posts bursting with unicorns and rainbows regarding the joys of sobriety. Somehow..they make me feel guilty when I'm not feeling that way. That is not to say I don't have a fair lot of unicorn and rainbow days though cuz I do. Just not right now apparently lol.

You will be that gal again. There are up and downs and full speed turnarounds. I see you are in Canada like me. Sometimes the onset of the long winter gets me a bit blue....maybe that's it. Oh I dunno...sometimes I just need to whine and moan...

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone..and I for one zeroed in on your post precisely because of it's subject. As someone here said to me a dark days a few months back..."pull the boat right out"...be miserable...lie in your bed and moan..do nothing...don't do housework...revel in your misery..take the day off sunshine.

Allow yourself.

least

Your emotions might be all over the place in early recovery. It's normal while your brain gets back to normal functioning. This too shall pass.

soberclover

This recovery stuff is hard work! It can be physically and emotionally exhausting. There are many ups and downs during early recovery. As you accumulate time, you will find that the down times don't last quite as long. It takes awhile. I'm in counseling as well as taking medication; not that that works for everyone, but that is what is working for now for me.

Olive1

Hi Patricia,
I just mentioned in another post that when I stopped drinking finally for good, I was very sad, sad, sad for a very long time. Months in fact. I hope this is not the case for you, but I will say, that the sadness eventually got less and less with the longer I was sober.
Now life is good.

patricia68

Thank you so much everybody. I guess I'm just going to try and go through today...try to stop the "I'm never going to get better" chatter in my mind.
One day at a time right?

pinkdog

Hi patricia, I'm glad you are with us. I felt like a robot for a long time too. Hard physical exercise and staying busy helped. Your body will recover. It takes time. Keep going. It is so worth it. Love to you. Good job.

Nuudawn

For me, sometimes it comes down to one hour, one situation, one moment at a time....

But we do get better day by day by day. Sometimes in my baby not-quite-5-months sobriety, I figure my life should be all tickety boo now. I'm almost 5 months sober dammit!! Where's the ticker tape parade announcing my arrival as a fully grown emotionally mature human with gobs of money in the bank and a fabulous man by my side????

Ya. Right.

I drank a long, long time. It's going to be awhile before I am standing on any firm ground I can plant my freak flag in and feel centered in sobriety with any sort of progress I can really sink my teeth in.

Ptcapote

Hi Patricia, your post also resonated with me today.

I agree with what Olive said above...there is something about mourning the "old you" even if that person was not a good or real version of you.

Also what Nuu said, there are definitely going to be days and weeks like this (cue Van Morrison). You will get through them.

For me, knowing that my body and mind were healing helped me through some of the rough patches (as well as knowing all that I would undo if I picked up again). Your mind needs to learn how to function without artificial chemicals and mood enhancers/tranquilizers after years of being taken offline in it's natural abilities.

I still get some mood swings (I am a little over 8 months sober now) but they are far, far fewer and further between. I am also used to my own mind and emotions again and how they function. And, let me tell you, even on the sh!ttiest days, it helps to know that I don't have to wait or want something artificial or poison to get through it.

Sobriety is not easy but it definitely becomes more and more of a gift the further you get. And six weeks is awesome. Hang in there for a little while longer and things will start to improve quite a bit. They did for me.

Take good care and keep posting!!

Correy

Nuudawn is my new favorite here

But, patricia68, I worry about those "minor slips" for they may be a key culprit for your current funk. Just this morning I've "analyzed" my year or so of sobriety before the recent year or so of sobriety before the recent relapse (yeah, I know...) only to realize that first time I was kidding myself.

I had 55 days sober and than "could not decline a drink from a friend I haven't seen for 15 years," than I was sober for another 88 days only to get drunk when I visited Europe after quite a while, than I was sober again for 30 days only to ... you got the picture.

Soon after I was drinking full time. Only my last year or so of sobriety was a real one in which I've seen how my own severe depression went away, like it had never been an issue. (until recent relapse)

That happy girl did not leave, all you need to allow her to come back. As much as you may need to listen to Nuudawn and allow yourself to be miserable for a day. It's all a part of life. It's all a part of the process. The little happy girl will be waiting...