Little wins
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Little wins
I have a stickynote on my fridge that says "BE A VICTOR, NOT A VICTIM." Because I have a tendency to fall back into feeling sorry for myself sometimes. So I need the reminder.
I have another stickynote that says "It's a marathon, not a sprint."
And so between those two stickies... and a conversation I had with my daughter's therapist about rewarding the small victories along the way rather than focusing on the BIG KAHUNA that we still have not managed to accomplish, I got the idea of starting a thread on LITTLE WINS.
So: What are YOUR little wins ?
Mine?
~ I managed to resist letting my daughter drag me into the role of rescuer yesterday when she was trying to position herself as victim and her stepdad as persecutor in the "drama triangle."
~ I managed to actually not take it personally when my boss flew off the handle and behaved in a way most unbecoming to a civilized human being yesterday. I could actually right then and there see that this is not about me, this is about her and I can stand here and listen without any of her anger or insults sticking to me. And that's a HUGE step forward for a codie who has spent years taking responsibility for other people's emotions.
I have another stickynote that says "It's a marathon, not a sprint."
And so between those two stickies... and a conversation I had with my daughter's therapist about rewarding the small victories along the way rather than focusing on the BIG KAHUNA that we still have not managed to accomplish, I got the idea of starting a thread on LITTLE WINS.
So: What are YOUR little wins ?
Mine?
~ I managed to resist letting my daughter drag me into the role of rescuer yesterday when she was trying to position herself as victim and her stepdad as persecutor in the "drama triangle."
~ I managed to actually not take it personally when my boss flew off the handle and behaved in a way most unbecoming to a civilized human being yesterday. I could actually right then and there see that this is not about me, this is about her and I can stand here and listen without any of her anger or insults sticking to me. And that's a HUGE step forward for a codie who has spent years taking responsibility for other people's emotions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
My little victory today:
Responding with humor to the typical morning delay tactics of my 12 year old.
I typically express frustration or threaten some consequence. Which, by the way, does little to help the situation.
End result: We were both smiling and we made it to school on time!
Yay!
Little victories can keep us going! Thanks Lillamy.
Hugs,
MamaKit
Responding with humor to the typical morning delay tactics of my 12 year old.
I typically express frustration or threaten some consequence. Which, by the way, does little to help the situation.
End result: We were both smiling and we made it to school on time!
Yay!
Little victories can keep us going! Thanks Lillamy.
Hugs,
MamaKit
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Great thread! Today was kind of a big little win for me because I faced a person at work who is really a condescending bullying jerk who is a master manipulator and can spin yarns that superficially seem logical, but really aren't. Sound familiar anyone? Luckily, I rarely have to interact with him, but I've been psyching myself up for today's meeting (in front of many layers of bosses, no less!) for a while.
I'm proud of myself because I remembered, and successfully applied, a lesson from my Aikido classes that I took over ten years ago. Aikido is a martial art that is really defensive in nature. You learn to center your posture so that you are stable from attacks, but you do not look particularly threatening. Then, when someone attacks, you gracefully step out of their way and use their momentum to help you toss them further away from you. This technique works not just in the physical world but also mentally. If you can find some part of their argument that you can agree to, it can be helpful to get them off balance. They don't expect that. Then, if they continue to argue with you, they are the ones that come across as combative, negative, and uncooperative. If I couldn't find anything in the argument I could agree with, I either remained silent or used phrases like "I hear what you are saying..." Completely noncommittal, but also not open for further attack.
It worked great today! I just realized, I think I need to find myself another Aikido class to join...
Fathom
I'm proud of myself because I remembered, and successfully applied, a lesson from my Aikido classes that I took over ten years ago. Aikido is a martial art that is really defensive in nature. You learn to center your posture so that you are stable from attacks, but you do not look particularly threatening. Then, when someone attacks, you gracefully step out of their way and use their momentum to help you toss them further away from you. This technique works not just in the physical world but also mentally. If you can find some part of their argument that you can agree to, it can be helpful to get them off balance. They don't expect that. Then, if they continue to argue with you, they are the ones that come across as combative, negative, and uncooperative. If I couldn't find anything in the argument I could agree with, I either remained silent or used phrases like "I hear what you are saying..." Completely noncommittal, but also not open for further attack.
It worked great today! I just realized, I think I need to find myself another Aikido class to join...
Fathom
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