depressed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: corby
Posts: 11
depressed
Im new here and i think i have a drinking problem. I do not crave a drink but when i drink i turn into the biggest fool you have ever seen. I completely forget the next day and usually find out off others what i have done.
It's been going on since i was about 23, i met an alcoholic who i loved with all my heart i was literally obsessed with this guy.
But he beat me and it was a toxic relationship i too have not behaved great towards him either.
I think we were just bad for each other.
Anyway i don't know what i want from writing this but i felt i had to get how i was feeling down somewhere in the hope that someone can offer me some guidance on what to do.
It's a problem i keep having now and i am losing friends and i am always arguing with my family about my behaviour.
I tend to be a mean drunk and turn into a monster where i want to fight anyone that's willing. I completely make an ass out of myself. Even when i drink at home there is always something i have done like contact ex and ended up back with him again knowing that i should'nt be with him for many reasons.
He is in prison now he hit me and got done for abh but will be out in 4 weeks and i have a 5 year restraining order. This was the upshot for my drunken behaviour you know the way he hit me that night i could have been dead.
Just to add when i drink and i am already steaming i carry on and no-one will tell me to stop as i will kickoff.
It's been going on since i was about 23, i met an alcoholic who i loved with all my heart i was literally obsessed with this guy.
But he beat me and it was a toxic relationship i too have not behaved great towards him either.
I think we were just bad for each other.
Anyway i don't know what i want from writing this but i felt i had to get how i was feeling down somewhere in the hope that someone can offer me some guidance on what to do.
It's a problem i keep having now and i am losing friends and i am always arguing with my family about my behaviour.
I tend to be a mean drunk and turn into a monster where i want to fight anyone that's willing. I completely make an ass out of myself. Even when i drink at home there is always something i have done like contact ex and ended up back with him again knowing that i should'nt be with him for many reasons.
He is in prison now he hit me and got done for abh but will be out in 4 weeks and i have a 5 year restraining order. This was the upshot for my drunken behaviour you know the way he hit me that night i could have been dead.
Just to add when i drink and i am already steaming i carry on and no-one will tell me to stop as i will kickoff.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: corby
Posts: 11
Thankyou i appreciate that.
I definately need to because i am getting a reputation.To be honest i have had one for quite a while. Landlords of pubs are aware what i get like and have even told me to sort myself out.
I fall out with everyone and i literally hate myself.
I am on citalopram for depression but it's not reallyhelping to be honest.
Obviously drinking while on these meds also isnt good.
Well this is my first day of having no drink and i am going to try and keep it that way. Find other things to do. I've lost alot of weight so i get drunk very easily and fall over and hurt myself almost everytime now i have a bruised face now and cut my hand . I also smashed my head off the floor so i have lumps and bumps all over my head from that and previous falls.
I definately need to because i am getting a reputation.To be honest i have had one for quite a while. Landlords of pubs are aware what i get like and have even told me to sort myself out.
I fall out with everyone and i literally hate myself.
I am on citalopram for depression but it's not reallyhelping to be honest.
Obviously drinking while on these meds also isnt good.
Well this is my first day of having no drink and i am going to try and keep it that way. Find other things to do. I've lost alot of weight so i get drunk very easily and fall over and hurt myself almost everytime now i have a bruised face now and cut my hand . I also smashed my head off the floor so i have lumps and bumps all over my head from that and previous falls.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Welcome ghirltheresa, if drinking is having a negative impact on your life then it might be a good idea to stop before it gets worse. There is tons of support here if you want to stop drinking. Glad you have joined us. Best wishes to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi ghirltheresa 
Read around and post as much as you like - you'll find a lot of approaches to staying clean and sober here.
Some of us use counselling, others go to rehab (inpatient or outpatient), some of us use a recovery group like AA, and some of us just use sites like this one...
Different people need different approaches, but I'm sure you'll work out what the best way is for you. Find something you like the sound of.
welcome aboard
Read around and post as much as you like - you'll find a lot of approaches to staying clean and sober here.
Some of us use counselling, others go to rehab (inpatient or outpatient), some of us use a recovery group like AA, and some of us just use sites like this one...
Different people need different approaches, but I'm sure you'll work out what the best way is for you. Find something you like the sound of.
welcome aboard
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: north hollywood, ca
Posts: 70
Welcome Ghirltheresa
I'm with you 120% on insane, drunken behavior and the abusive relationship..I've been involved in both...
I actually had to admit myself into a shelter for Domestic Violence because I had no other place to go except home and that's where my husband/abuser lived. He would have eventually killed me, or I would have killed myself with the alcohol abuse. We were both drunks, sick, and toxic to each other. I was literally in the hospital when I asked the doctor like, "Look, I need some place to go bc Im afraid for my life!" It took a couple days, but THANKS TO GOD ALMIGHTY the DV shelter that I found was also Substance Abuse Treatment as well. It was 90 days of DV/Substance Abuse Education, Counseling, and a Plethora of Resources and Support. BTW, it was totally free!!!
My advice is to seek programs in your area to assist you with the issues you are having bc they are EXTREMELY dangerous and can end deadly...
I wish you the best of luck and you are in my prayers..
I'm with you 120% on insane, drunken behavior and the abusive relationship..I've been involved in both...
I actually had to admit myself into a shelter for Domestic Violence because I had no other place to go except home and that's where my husband/abuser lived. He would have eventually killed me, or I would have killed myself with the alcohol abuse. We were both drunks, sick, and toxic to each other. I was literally in the hospital when I asked the doctor like, "Look, I need some place to go bc Im afraid for my life!" It took a couple days, but THANKS TO GOD ALMIGHTY the DV shelter that I found was also Substance Abuse Treatment as well. It was 90 days of DV/Substance Abuse Education, Counseling, and a Plethora of Resources and Support. BTW, it was totally free!!!
My advice is to seek programs in your area to assist you with the issues you are having bc they are EXTREMELY dangerous and can end deadly...
I wish you the best of luck and you are in my prayers..
AlmA
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Hi ghirltheresa,
I am so glad you are in this site.
You need help.
I got a friend that drinks and gets aggressive and I end up separating fights.
So at the end I stopped going out with her... it was a nightmare.
She still does not want to accept she has a problem.
And I have problems of my own and she was dragging me into it...
But you have realized.... you have an advantage!
you know something is wrong.... Do something about it!
You have to find support.... and start enjoying life in a different way!
All you want is love... and in this way you only make people go away!
For what you say you do have real problems with alcohol... Do not doubt it do something!!!
First of all keep away from bad companies... specially the ones that mistreat you!!!
Or are you a masochistic??? No you are not because you want to get out!!!
CHANGE YOUR LOCK!!!
You will find one day the right one, but in the meantime you have to get straight,
otherwise he will not want to be with someone unstable and will run away.
Get out whilst you can!!!
I send you all my strength, you can do it, get help and leave behind the alcohol/destruction.
We are here for you.
I am so glad you are in this site.
You need help.
I got a friend that drinks and gets aggressive and I end up separating fights.
So at the end I stopped going out with her... it was a nightmare.
She still does not want to accept she has a problem.
And I have problems of my own and she was dragging me into it...
But you have realized.... you have an advantage!
you know something is wrong.... Do something about it!
You have to find support.... and start enjoying life in a different way!
All you want is love... and in this way you only make people go away!
For what you say you do have real problems with alcohol... Do not doubt it do something!!!
First of all keep away from bad companies... specially the ones that mistreat you!!!
Or are you a masochistic??? No you are not because you want to get out!!!
CHANGE YOUR LOCK!!!
You will find one day the right one, but in the meantime you have to get straight,
otherwise he will not want to be with someone unstable and will run away.
Get out whilst you can!!!
I send you all my strength, you can do it, get help and leave behind the alcohol/destruction.
We are here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: corby
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by NewMe32 
Welcome Ghirltheresa
I'm with you 120% on insane, drunken behavior and the abusive relationship..I've been involved in both...
I actually had to admit myself into a shelter for Domestic Violence because I had no other place to go except home and that's where my husband/abuser lived. He would have eventually killed me, or I would have killed myself with the alcohol abuse. We were both drunks, sick, and toxic to each other. I was literally in the hospital when I asked the doctor like, "Look, I need some place to go bc Im afraid for my life!" It took a couple days, but THANKS TO GOD ALMIGHTY the DV shelter that I found was also Substance Abuse Treatment as well. It was 90 days of DV/Substance Abuse Education, Counseling, and a Plethora of Resources and Support. BTW, it was totally free!!!
My advice is to seek programs in your area to assist you with the issues you are having bc they are EXTREMELY dangerous and can end deadly...
I wish you the best of luck and you are in my prayers..
I'm with you 120% on insane, drunken behavior and the abusive relationship..I've been involved in both...
I actually had to admit myself into a shelter for Domestic Violence because I had no other place to go except home and that's where my husband/abuser lived. He would have eventually killed me, or I would have killed myself with the alcohol abuse. We were both drunks, sick, and toxic to each other. I was literally in the hospital when I asked the doctor like, "Look, I need some place to go bc Im afraid for my life!" It took a couple days, but THANKS TO GOD ALMIGHTY the DV shelter that I found was also Substance Abuse Treatment as well. It was 90 days of DV/Substance Abuse Education, Counseling, and a Plethora of Resources and Support. BTW, it was totally free!!!
My advice is to seek programs in your area to assist you with the issues you are having bc they are EXTREMELY dangerous and can end deadly...
I wish you the best of luck and you are in my prayers..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: corby
Posts: 11
Ok this is it i have made a consious decision to stop drinking. I m going to make an appointment with the doctor and get reffered to a program clled changing minds but ill also do my research on the internet too.
I would like to thankyou all for being here for me and it has helped me so much.
thankyou
Im off to seach this site and find myself some help.
XX
I would like to thankyou all for being here for me and it has helped me so much.
thankyou
Im off to seach this site and find myself some help.
XX
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: north hollywood, ca
Posts: 70
It will be one of the best (if not the best) decisions you will have ever made in your life! There is a beautiful life waiting for you FREE from the chains of addiction and abuse! I am walking proof of it! Godspeed 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Glad you have made the decision to stop drinking. This is a great place to learn about problem drinking and support in stopping.
It sounds like things are spiraling down pretty fast. Make sobriety your number one focus in life and things will start to get in order.
All the best
CaiHong
It sounds like things are spiraling down pretty fast. Make sobriety your number one focus in life and things will start to get in order.
All the best
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 112
It's great you have realised that you have a problem and have made that conscious choice to stop drinking. I'm heading into day 6 after almost 20 years and am already feeling the difference in choices I make because my mind is clearer.
I'm so sorry for the abuse you've had to endure, I can't imagine what it would be like. My hubby and I have been through hell and bac and while it's never been physical there has been a lot of emotional and verbal abuse. We are both working on that through a counsellor.
Stay strong, keep close to SR and post even ever you need to. There is so much support here. And read, read, read....that I found has helped me the most.
I'm so sorry for the abuse you've had to endure, I can't imagine what it would be like. My hubby and I have been through hell and bac and while it's never been physical there has been a lot of emotional and verbal abuse. We are both working on that through a counsellor.
Stay strong, keep close to SR and post even ever you need to. There is so much support here. And read, read, read....that I found has helped me the most.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome to a great place - I'm so glad you've already found it helpful.
Your life will be so much better without the drama and chaos that drinking causes. I always tried to control what happened when I drank, but it never worked. One drink led me to 10 drinks - & then danger. Glad you are going to keep that from happening in the future. Congratulations on making this life changing decision.
Your life will be so much better without the drama and chaos that drinking causes. I always tried to control what happened when I drank, but it never worked. One drink led me to 10 drinks - & then danger. Glad you are going to keep that from happening in the future. Congratulations on making this life changing decision.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: corby
Posts: 11
hi people
Well I stuck to my word haven't drank a drop since that time and I feel so much better.
I know I'm not going to wake up tomorrow feeling awful and guilty.
I can go out, safe in the knowledge that I haven't pissed anyone off or hurt anybody in some way.
For the first time in a long time I have started to take care of myself better.
Its a bit of a stressful time as well because he has been a released so iI'm trying my best to avoid him at all costs.
I feel stronger and I feel like me again.
Its nice to feel proud of myself for once.
Sorry its been a while,thankyou for all ur advice I really appreciate it.
There's no going back only forward.
Onwards and upwards my friends ;-)
Ghirltheresa:Thanks
I know I'm not going to wake up tomorrow feeling awful and guilty.
I can go out, safe in the knowledge that I haven't pissed anyone off or hurt anybody in some way.
For the first time in a long time I have started to take care of myself better.
Its a bit of a stressful time as well because he has been a released so iI'm trying my best to avoid him at all costs.
I feel stronger and I feel like me again.
Its nice to feel proud of myself for once.
Sorry its been a while,thankyou for all ur advice I really appreciate it.
There's no going back only forward.
Onwards and upwards my friends ;-)
Ghirltheresa:Thanks
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Middelton, Idaho
Posts: 64
I used to think my reputation of being an out of control drunk was funny. Then I started binge drinking and blacking out. My last episode was Sunday and while totally out of control, I physically attacked one of my best friends. I was mortified and ashamed. I found this forum 3 days ago and haven't closed the tab since. I haven't drank for 4 days and already I am finding that I have a much clearer thinking process. The support here is great. You are not alone, we have all been there. You can do this
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