FreddyBear

Ok, I'm drinking again after a few long breaks. By long I mean 30-50 days in a row. At the beginning of each period I felt excellent, but as the time went on I began to feel worse. I feel very uncomfortable among people and with myself while sober, very tense and insecure. I used to gain a lot of fat during 10 years of my beer consumption (I'm 32 now), and during these breaks I managed to lose quite a bit of it. Now I'm 5'7 and 170 pounds which is no longer morbidly obese. But it did not help my self esteem a tiny bit!

My dream was to stop being a forever alone ****** and start talking and dating women which did not happen because I'm still too shy and it makes my life unbearable. And it's not only about women, it's about people in general. I can hardly maintain eye contact with anybody despite of my best intensions. Even at my gym they think I'm an arrogant **** (judging by their looks). I don't have any support in real life, no friends whatsoever. And feel very guilty when my parents ask me about my life, dating perspectives and friends. And I HAVE to tell tales and tell stories about friends that do not even exist in reality! How sick is that?

My life sucks big time and I don't know how to cope with it without beers. I slowly started drinking 5-6 a day and now it's already 16-20 a day without fail. I don't really see a way out.

unchartedxo

There is always a way out without blowing your brains out. Always. and just because what you have done so far doesn't work, doesn't mean there is no hope... or help. Have you talked to a counselor? A counselor would be a safe place for you to truly get your emotions our and maybe even be a buffer for you to get used to talking to people again. Get you used to making eye contact and building your self confidence!

Let me ask you this: When you ARE drinking, are you more social? does it give you the ability to go out and talk to people? or do you drink at home alone?

YoungAndClean

Ever thought about going to AA? Those people loved me before I was able to love myself. And nobody walks into the rooms of AA with a success story.

HeadLump

That's a lovely post, YoungandClean

Keep posting here, FreddyBear. You'll find a huge amount of wisdom, experience and support

Sulu1

You thought about going to a doctor for your anxiety related issues? Stopping drinking can be a huge help, but I do not think it's the be all and end all of a happy life on its own. Sometimes there are underlying issues behind turning to alcohol.

FreddyBear

No, I'm not because I'm drinking at home alone. But it grants me forgetfulness for some time.

walkingman62

I was a few years younger than you when I went to recovery. I was scared to death. But it was either recovery or die without ever knowing a sober life. Recovery rooms gave me more than recovery. The people in the rooms have been where you are today. AA is a new way to life, and they will help you in every area of it, but nobody led me to my first meeting. I made the call. I followed directions. That was 22 years ago, and am sober still...you can be too, if you want it.

FreddyBear

You are so brave to do this! I have no balls to enter a room full of people let alone talk to anybody. I don't know why I'm such a social ******, it has already ruined my life. Such a shame to be in such a place at 32 and know that you have missed all the chances in your life.

Sorry for the rant and the pity party, but that's how the things are now.

unchartedxo

I can understand the draw of drinking by yourself... the beer helps you forget you are alone. But if you desire a more social lifestyle, the beer is creating a blockage for you too. I agree with others that AA would help you because everyone there understands what you are going through. and remember... just because you go and cant talk, look people in the face, doesn't mean anything. If you go to AA just to listen, that's ok! but then go back... and go back again... and again and again and eventually (I would think) you will start picking your head up to look around, make eye contact, and make some friends. (((hugs))) to you!!!

HeadLump

Rubbish!!! I was just starting out at 32! I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 47 and I even learnt to ride a bike at the sweet innocent age of 48!! (Painless, it was not )

You're here at 32 trying to sort your life out. That's brilliant. I didn't even try to get sober before 50!

There's a whole load of life out there, Freddy, just waiting to be grabbed

bcboy

Hey Freddy

The good news is that you seem to know the underlying issues going on in your life based on what you are trying to convey to us.

If being in social places scares the daylights out of you perhaps start very small. It can be as simple as a smile and a Hi to a total stranger. If that is to much, hold the door open to a total stranger. They will say thanks and you say no problem.

Baby steps all the way along to build some confidence.

You know drinking is not the answer, its why you here with us

dayover

You are NOT a social ******. I just want to reach through my computer screen and give you the biggest hug.

As alcoholics we know how it feels to hate ourselves, and to feel like our lives are worthless and miserable and unmanageable.

But things do get better if you commit to it. I know it may seem really difficult and strange to go into an AA meeting but I really suggest trying it. I have awful social anxiety and on my first meeting I sat there and cried and didn't say a word. I felt like the biggest failure being there. And even though I said nothing, people still offered their help, support and love to me because the people in those rooms KNOW how you feel - they've been there.


If AA is really unappealing to you it may help just to be in contact with other alcoholics who can give you advice and help you (like here on SR) or in your community.


Like many people say "my problem isn't drinking, my problem is ME." - take away the alcohol from your life and you're still restless, irritable, discontent and anxious. The alcohol was "self-medication". Once that's gone, you have to take steps to rid the actual problem - your unhappiness.



Welcome to SR I wish you nothing but the best

walkingman62

Freddy, u know what my accounting teacher taught us when asked to ask a stupid question...he replied," a stupid question is one that is never asked."

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's lives. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof. (Richard Bach - Illusions)

It took hitting the floor in 1994, in front of co-workers, with no pulse and no heartbeat, and no memory as to how I got on the floor, to make me quit drinking. But the humiliating comment by one of my co-workers was what stung the most. A fellow member who was also a life-skills coach told me that what I had described as to what had happened, only 2 out of 10 people to experience it live to tell their stories. It kills the other 8. Its called the beginning stages of liver damage. And it cares nothing about who it kills, one drink at a kill.

In the program, not one person who makes it through the doors knows anything about courage. It wasn't courage that got me into recovery, I was too much of a coward to commit suicide, and today isn't over until I go to bed.

Never give up on hope Norway, you are on this forum for a reason. Let us who are clean and sober help you through this, cause if you didn't want help, you wouldn't be in here

Nuudawn

Almost 5 months sober and that's exactly where I'm at...facing my restlessness, irritability, discontent and anxiety. As uncomfortable as living with me and my stuff right now is...it's exactly where I need to be to address it and heal.

Recovery1983

Being in social gatherings always scared me too. My drinking/using started with the idea that it would take the "edge" off, and it would help me get over the fear of talking to people. It worked for a bit. Not too long after, I started to experience the consequences of drinking/using. My reasons to drink/use quickly changed from taking the "edge" off in social gatherings to drinking/using so that I could forget the consequences. Without going into too much detail, there are A LOT of consequences too.

Being too shy, social anxiety, overweight, underweight, having no job, having no gf, lost of friends, shame, guilt, disappointment, feeling like a failure are all issues that I STILL have to deal with on a day to day basis. The one thing I've learned is that drinking/using DOES NOT make any of these things better or go away. In fact, I know that a lot of these issues are worse because I did drink/use.

My point is that you aren't alone. I feel a lot of the same emotions as you do. Some days are more and some days are less. Does it get better? Yes, it can get better, but it won't start unless you stop drinking.

duane1

You aren't giving yourself enough time. I wasn't in the dating sceen anymore when I quit, but my self-esteem was shot when I quit. Two months was just not enough time to rebuild it. Now at 16 months, I am at a much better place. Still working on it, but in a much better place. What you need to do is work on yourself and not worry about the dating sceen right now. I know that is difficult or nearly impossible to do at your age, but you need to build yourself up into someone that is attractive to others where you feel like you have something to offer someone else. The going to the gym and getting in shape is fantastic for that. Keep doing that. However, work on yourself in other ways. Work on your career. Work on a hobby. Volunteer. Work on your spirituality. All of these things can help build you up. Drinking just knocks you down and makes you go in the opposite direction and it only gets worse. Work on making eye contact with people again. Believe it or not, I conciously worked on that during early sobriety.
I hope you choose sobriety again because it is the only path where you will get what you are desiring.

FreddyBear

Thanks so much for your support. As I have already mentioned, I had several stretches of abstinence during past 2-3 years since I've admitted I have a drinking problem.

But! When the pink clouds pass, it becomes worse. Regular life became too much to handle and I was only able to relax when I was alone in my apartment. Like most of us I want a decent circle of supportive friends and a family. But I act the exact opposite - cold and aloof, inability to open up and relate to people. The only emotion I feel sometimes is anger, rage and irritability. Maybe it's just a negative outlook in life that ca be fixed? Can someone relate to this? I know it's alcohol addiction forum but perhaps we can also discuss underlying issues.

walkingman62

Freddy, the biggest part of where the anger is coming from, is somewhere in the distance of your past. A place only you know of and only you are able to deal with...in time. The only suggestion we in recovery, can offer today, is for you to get to a meeting...drunk or sober. U need to be sober my friend. Only then can you begin healing. Sucks I know, but the booze makes you forget the reason you were angry in the first place. Remembering the hurt and pain under the anger, will come out only when there's nothing left to medicate the feelings.

Is there an AA or NA meeting where you live, or a contact number in the phone book of your area? This was the first step that came to my recovery.

FreddyBear

Yes there is a group here. But I live in a small town and meeting someone familiar can be embarrassing. Maybe will give them a call anyway. My methods are failing so I have nothing to lose.

Bird615

When I was 21, I ended up in detox. I knew that I would die if I kept drinking, but I had no idea how I was going to live without it. That, for me, was one of the most lost feelings I've ever had.

A woman from AA came to visit me while I was in there.

When she told me that one day I would be able to look other people in the eye, I was hooked.
I really wanted that and was willing to do whatever was suggested in order to stay sober.

Turned out she was right.