he's a nice guy, too bad I am a mess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
he's a nice guy, too bad I am a mess
I like this guy, he is so nice.
Such a simple statement. So why does it terrify me?
Because allowing myself that simple little thought in itself scares me to death.
How do I KNOW he is a nice guy? I haven't been able to tell the bad ones before. I could be so wrong again.
Or he could hurt me. I could like him and he could end up liking someone else and go away. My fear of abandonement is overwhelming. Terrifying and painful, this codie trait of worrying about things before they happen.
I am going to screw this up. I don't know how to act with a nice, healthy, trustworthy, responsible man. I don't know how to treat one.
So I try listing (ok, over and over again in my head, in true obsessive codie fashion) the pros and cons of this guy...
Pros:
He is a single Dad in the most active and paternal way, to a 9 year old boy (We have this in common, as Jess is 10, and he likes that about me). Coaches football and is active in baseball and basketball with him too. I met him as coach of my godson's football team last year when my AH and I separated.
He is full time parent (mom passed away years ago), cooking and cleaning and homework, and takes it all seriously. No bars in his life, just a Dad with a sport-loving lifestyle. I love watching pro sports, so we have this in common. He likes that about me.
He started to pursue me last year with non-stop adorable calls and emails. Our first 'date' was a walk in a nearby park, where it took time for him to try holding my hand. So sweet and simple.
I saw him a few more times, he'd stop by when he could, we'd watch baseball games on my porch TV and talk. So nice and simple.
Then he stepped back when I reconciled with my AH, and wished me happiness even if it wasn't with him. (He has since told me that hurt him, but he never let it on then.)
Having heard my AH did not stay sober and I was again single, he expressed his interest. Said he wished all year for another chance, and felt we were a great match. I said I liked him too, but that I need to go S-L-O-W. He said fine, whatever I need. He just said he let me get away last time and wasn't going to again, so don't expect him to go away completely.
We talk on email, he leaves cute messages on my phone. Short, simple things like "I hope you are having a good day."
He took me on one small date. He kept asking, and finally I couldn't say no, because all he was asking was simply if he and his son could take Jessie and Me for ice cream. And he did just that. Picked us up, took us for ice cream, chatted nervously with me and watched the kids play like old friends. Brought us back home, watched TV with me for a little bit on the porch while the kids played with our basset hound.
The sound of kids laughter in my home went straight to my heart.
He promised not to hurt me, asked if I thought we were a good match, was so shy and sweet. I just said we'd see, and I don't know, but it would be nice if it did work out, etc. I told him I wasn't ready to meet people, but I already knew him from last year, and that I liked him. I said it would be nice to get to know each other, and we'd take it from there.
He left in a short while because it was bedtime for his son.
He calls, or emails, every couple days, chats about sports and our kids and missing me.
But he is also extremely busy with sports this time of year and has not asked to get together again (its been a couple weeks). This triggered all my insecurities, my feelings of abandonement. He came on so strong at first, said all those wonderful things, and now has cooled off. What could this MEAN??? (Obsess obsess obsess) Could it all be just words without actions, like my AH?
During a time when I need to be getting to know myself, even I know it is perfect for me that he is not around all the time, and that he is not needy and demanding. It is only a good thing to see that he knows his priorities, and they are his job and his son first.
He usually talks with me for a little while after a long day, just before going to bed. He always tells me I am beautiful, or smart, and he laughs when I mention domestic things I am not great at. He just says he can do all those things, and that even my flaws are a good match for him.
Cons:
He doesn't call me every hour. He doesn't show up everyday with the obsessive need to see me. He dares to have a life! And to expect me to have one, and to expect me to feel secure. He doesn't reassure me every 30 seconds that he adores me, but does tell me he misses me or I am beautiful or something equally sweet when we do speak. He doesn't cling to me with the fear I will meet someone else if he lets me out of his sight. (Although he did express some jealousy when I went out with a guy friend last night, and he has asked if I've met someone else, saying he hopes I do not.) He can go days without talking to me. He can talk to me for just 10 minutes and then say goodnight. He doesn't NEED me. He hasn't proposed, or moved in.
OK, so the cons are mine. I know, I KNOW, I K-N-O-W. I am doing my best to face them head on and laugh at them. The times I have expressed my insecurity ("i was worried you disappeared on me when you didn't call for a couple days" or "am I ever going to see you again") he has handled reassuring me very nicely without overdoing it.
But then I wonder, is he sincere, is he stringing me along? Shouldn't he be taking me out again by now?
Funny how the codie in me just hates waiting to see things play out. How I want to figure out what I can do to influence (aka control) the outcome.
Why do I feel like a 16 year old girl at the age of 38? Am I too old for someone to tell me about boys?
Such a simple statement. So why does it terrify me?
Because allowing myself that simple little thought in itself scares me to death.
How do I KNOW he is a nice guy? I haven't been able to tell the bad ones before. I could be so wrong again.
Or he could hurt me. I could like him and he could end up liking someone else and go away. My fear of abandonement is overwhelming. Terrifying and painful, this codie trait of worrying about things before they happen.
I am going to screw this up. I don't know how to act with a nice, healthy, trustworthy, responsible man. I don't know how to treat one.
So I try listing (ok, over and over again in my head, in true obsessive codie fashion) the pros and cons of this guy...
Pros:
He is a single Dad in the most active and paternal way, to a 9 year old boy (We have this in common, as Jess is 10, and he likes that about me). Coaches football and is active in baseball and basketball with him too. I met him as coach of my godson's football team last year when my AH and I separated.
He is full time parent (mom passed away years ago), cooking and cleaning and homework, and takes it all seriously. No bars in his life, just a Dad with a sport-loving lifestyle. I love watching pro sports, so we have this in common. He likes that about me.
He started to pursue me last year with non-stop adorable calls and emails. Our first 'date' was a walk in a nearby park, where it took time for him to try holding my hand. So sweet and simple.
I saw him a few more times, he'd stop by when he could, we'd watch baseball games on my porch TV and talk. So nice and simple.
Then he stepped back when I reconciled with my AH, and wished me happiness even if it wasn't with him. (He has since told me that hurt him, but he never let it on then.)
Having heard my AH did not stay sober and I was again single, he expressed his interest. Said he wished all year for another chance, and felt we were a great match. I said I liked him too, but that I need to go S-L-O-W. He said fine, whatever I need. He just said he let me get away last time and wasn't going to again, so don't expect him to go away completely.
We talk on email, he leaves cute messages on my phone. Short, simple things like "I hope you are having a good day."
He took me on one small date. He kept asking, and finally I couldn't say no, because all he was asking was simply if he and his son could take Jessie and Me for ice cream. And he did just that. Picked us up, took us for ice cream, chatted nervously with me and watched the kids play like old friends. Brought us back home, watched TV with me for a little bit on the porch while the kids played with our basset hound.
The sound of kids laughter in my home went straight to my heart.
He promised not to hurt me, asked if I thought we were a good match, was so shy and sweet. I just said we'd see, and I don't know, but it would be nice if it did work out, etc. I told him I wasn't ready to meet people, but I already knew him from last year, and that I liked him. I said it would be nice to get to know each other, and we'd take it from there.
He left in a short while because it was bedtime for his son.
He calls, or emails, every couple days, chats about sports and our kids and missing me.
But he is also extremely busy with sports this time of year and has not asked to get together again (its been a couple weeks). This triggered all my insecurities, my feelings of abandonement. He came on so strong at first, said all those wonderful things, and now has cooled off. What could this MEAN??? (Obsess obsess obsess) Could it all be just words without actions, like my AH?
During a time when I need to be getting to know myself, even I know it is perfect for me that he is not around all the time, and that he is not needy and demanding. It is only a good thing to see that he knows his priorities, and they are his job and his son first.
He usually talks with me for a little while after a long day, just before going to bed. He always tells me I am beautiful, or smart, and he laughs when I mention domestic things I am not great at. He just says he can do all those things, and that even my flaws are a good match for him.
Cons:
He doesn't call me every hour. He doesn't show up everyday with the obsessive need to see me. He dares to have a life! And to expect me to have one, and to expect me to feel secure. He doesn't reassure me every 30 seconds that he adores me, but does tell me he misses me or I am beautiful or something equally sweet when we do speak. He doesn't cling to me with the fear I will meet someone else if he lets me out of his sight. (Although he did express some jealousy when I went out with a guy friend last night, and he has asked if I've met someone else, saying he hopes I do not.) He can go days without talking to me. He can talk to me for just 10 minutes and then say goodnight. He doesn't NEED me. He hasn't proposed, or moved in.
OK, so the cons are mine. I know, I KNOW, I K-N-O-W. I am doing my best to face them head on and laugh at them. The times I have expressed my insecurity ("i was worried you disappeared on me when you didn't call for a couple days" or "am I ever going to see you again") he has handled reassuring me very nicely without overdoing it.
But then I wonder, is he sincere, is he stringing me along? Shouldn't he be taking me out again by now?
Funny how the codie in me just hates waiting to see things play out. How I want to figure out what I can do to influence (aka control) the outcome.
Why do I feel like a 16 year old girl at the age of 38? Am I too old for someone to tell me about boys?
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
J&M,
I ended a 7 year relationship and 5 months later started dating Jack.
I did not take enough time between relationships to be by myself.
You are still reeling from the breakup of your marriage and coming to terms with your own recovery. Starting a new relationship right now is bound to send your head spinning, as it already has.
Take things slooooowwwwww. There is no rush. If it's meant to be, then things will work out. But give it a chance and give yourself some time to really get to know YOU and want you want and need from a relationship.
Hugs,
JG
I ended a 7 year relationship and 5 months later started dating Jack.
I did not take enough time between relationships to be by myself.
You are still reeling from the breakup of your marriage and coming to terms with your own recovery. Starting a new relationship right now is bound to send your head spinning, as it already has.
Take things slooooowwwwww. There is no rush. If it's meant to be, then things will work out. But give it a chance and give yourself some time to really get to know YOU and want you want and need from a relationship.
Hugs,
JG
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Ok Spunkie-
You are still the most important part of this equation. If he is really worth while he will be around long enough for you to get your act together. You need at least a year for the fog to lift. Learn to be friends there is nothing wrong with being friends. Explain to him that you need time if it is not ok with him that you need time than he probably is not good for you. You said he does have a life good... You get one too.
You are still the most important part of this equation. If he is really worth while he will be around long enough for you to get your act together. You need at least a year for the fog to lift. Learn to be friends there is nothing wrong with being friends. Explain to him that you need time if it is not ok with him that you need time than he probably is not good for you. You said he does have a life good... You get one too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Spunky,
He sounds like a great guy. He sounds like he's interested in you.
So...how about you appreciate every warm gesture he sends your way and see where it goes from there?
As in, one day at a time.
Now...don't hate me for this, but take a look at this thread.
It's worth a read when you're feeling the way that you are right now.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=21155
He sounds like a great guy. He sounds like he's interested in you.
So...how about you appreciate every warm gesture he sends your way and see where it goes from there?
As in, one day at a time.
Now...don't hate me for this, but take a look at this thread.
It's worth a read when you're feeling the way that you are right now.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=21155
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
ME,
You haven't been seperated from your A for 3 weeks. You've been through hell. Yes it is nice when someone likes us shows interest in us is attentive, wants to spend time the whole nine yards. Especially when we are vulnerable and needy from spending time with an A who trreated us like crap.
The best thing I did for myself after my ex was spend 7 months totally alone,just hanging out with myself,my son and girlfriends. During that time I learnt things about myself, I learned that it was alright to take care of myself and focus on myself. I got rested and happy and unvulnerable. So when I met my S.O I wasn't bouncing off the walls with neediness and unresolved issues.
You said it yourself How can you tell if he is a nice guy? You can't, not at this point anyway. It takes time to get to know someone and make good choices. It's not possible when we are very needy and vulnerable.
Just my 2 cents worth.
Ngaire
You haven't been seperated from your A for 3 weeks. You've been through hell. Yes it is nice when someone likes us shows interest in us is attentive, wants to spend time the whole nine yards. Especially when we are vulnerable and needy from spending time with an A who trreated us like crap.
The best thing I did for myself after my ex was spend 7 months totally alone,just hanging out with myself,my son and girlfriends. During that time I learnt things about myself, I learned that it was alright to take care of myself and focus on myself. I got rested and happy and unvulnerable. So when I met my S.O I wasn't bouncing off the walls with neediness and unresolved issues.
You said it yourself How can you tell if he is a nice guy? You can't, not at this point anyway. It takes time to get to know someone and make good choices. It's not possible when we are very needy and vulnerable.
Just my 2 cents worth.
Ngaire
once in a . . .
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
since the others have already advised you to goooooo sloooooooooow,
i get to reply to: "He hasn't proposed, or moved in. ...
OMG! he hasn't!?!? Something is serously WRONG with him - RUN!!!
"Am I too old for someone to tell me about boys? ...
You're definitely NOT "too old"!
I'm gonna hang out and see if anyone CAN explain boys - i'm 46 and i still don't get it! [silly grin]
BTW - it's good to see the lighter side of J+M!!
Blue
i get to reply to: "He hasn't proposed, or moved in. ...
OMG! he hasn't!?!? Something is serously WRONG with him - RUN!!!
"Am I too old for someone to tell me about boys? ...
You're definitely NOT "too old"!
I'm gonna hang out and see if anyone CAN explain boys - i'm 46 and i still don't get it! [silly grin]
BTW - it's good to see the lighter side of J+M!!
Blue
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
No matter how fine a person he is. No matter where you AH is in his recovery or lack there of.....
STOP! right where you are right now.
It would be best to finish one thing before trying to seek another.
Unless you and your AH are divorced, it would be wise to sit still on things.
They say wait a year...why do they say that?
So you can find time to find out who you are. You can feel your way around better and know what you want, rather then letting emotions dictate your actions. I was separated for over a year. I found the way to fix me and we fixed the marriage. Celebrated our 25th together the very next month together. The past 4 years have been the best 4 of our whole marriage. I was told by someone to get myself on my feet before I made any changes. By geting myself on my feet is how I found out what the best thing in my life was and is. For me it is the mother of my children = my wife.
With both feet firmly on the ground, you will go the path that is right for you and the choice wil be made with open clear thought.
He does sound like a nice guy from what you post. He will wait if needed. Explain why a wait is needed and he will wait I am sure.
STOP! right where you are right now.
It would be best to finish one thing before trying to seek another.
Unless you and your AH are divorced, it would be wise to sit still on things.
They say wait a year...why do they say that?
So you can find time to find out who you are. You can feel your way around better and know what you want, rather then letting emotions dictate your actions. I was separated for over a year. I found the way to fix me and we fixed the marriage. Celebrated our 25th together the very next month together. The past 4 years have been the best 4 of our whole marriage. I was told by someone to get myself on my feet before I made any changes. By geting myself on my feet is how I found out what the best thing in my life was and is. For me it is the mother of my children = my wife.
With both feet firmly on the ground, you will go the path that is right for you and the choice wil be made with open clear thought.
He does sound like a nice guy from what you post. He will wait if needed. Explain why a wait is needed and he will wait I am sure.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
you are right on, Gabe
Gabe, thanks for the link. It had been a long time since I read that. I agree very strongly that the kind of 'love' described there as obsessive is the kind that I have been shown in the past, in two marriages that have spanned my last 15 years. I know it isn't right, but I also recognize that it is what I've known.
That is why I am saying I do not know how to act with someone who is NOT like that. With someone who is 'healthy' and interested in a relationship that is not obsessive. I am saying I suffer from a lack of experience in this area. Like a 16 year old girl, I actually do not know the game or the rules.
I know I don't want the obsessive kind. I know I don't need the obsessive kind, it will not lead to happiness. I know I need to find the 'nice' kind, the kind that will give me space to be me, to discover me, and to learn to love myself.
I am just admitting here how scary and hard that newness is, where I can't predict and control the outcome like in the unhealthy kind. I am finding it a little funny, a little amusing, that I am so clueless.
And I am also saying I don't want to screw up by reacting wrongly, or by becoming obsessive myself, or anything like that. So I want to talk about it here so you guys can remind me of things. Like you just did, Gabe, with that link about what to watch for in my behavior or others behavior that could be signs of obsession. Thanks.
And thanks for all the advice about staying alone for a while. I hear it from many, it is the #1 piece of advice given. I will work hard not to fall into a new relationship just to fill the void left by the old.
For what its worth, I have been doing that for over a year. My AH and I split over a year ago. THAT is when I began the painful grieving process of realizing my relationship was not what I thought it was. That is was not likely a forever deal. Although my AH returned to try reconciliation sober, a part of me was already detaching and moving on, not really counting on him to succeed. And yet I never had an affair. I did not look for someone to fill the hole. I spent the past year getting to know me, taking care of me, and focusing on me. That is why his leaving again this year has not been as painful for me at all. Those close to me have confirmed this, they could see it too.
But I'd like to learn how to feel good about me and secure enough in my self esteem, so that a nice new man doesn't scare me, and bring up all these feelings that I will screw it up. I already see huge progress, in that I am becoming more critical as to if he is what I want, instead of only thinking about if I am what he wants. For me, that is HUGE.
Thanks for listening.
That is why I am saying I do not know how to act with someone who is NOT like that. With someone who is 'healthy' and interested in a relationship that is not obsessive. I am saying I suffer from a lack of experience in this area. Like a 16 year old girl, I actually do not know the game or the rules.
I know I don't want the obsessive kind. I know I don't need the obsessive kind, it will not lead to happiness. I know I need to find the 'nice' kind, the kind that will give me space to be me, to discover me, and to learn to love myself.
I am just admitting here how scary and hard that newness is, where I can't predict and control the outcome like in the unhealthy kind. I am finding it a little funny, a little amusing, that I am so clueless.
And I am also saying I don't want to screw up by reacting wrongly, or by becoming obsessive myself, or anything like that. So I want to talk about it here so you guys can remind me of things. Like you just did, Gabe, with that link about what to watch for in my behavior or others behavior that could be signs of obsession. Thanks.
And thanks for all the advice about staying alone for a while. I hear it from many, it is the #1 piece of advice given. I will work hard not to fall into a new relationship just to fill the void left by the old.
For what its worth, I have been doing that for over a year. My AH and I split over a year ago. THAT is when I began the painful grieving process of realizing my relationship was not what I thought it was. That is was not likely a forever deal. Although my AH returned to try reconciliation sober, a part of me was already detaching and moving on, not really counting on him to succeed. And yet I never had an affair. I did not look for someone to fill the hole. I spent the past year getting to know me, taking care of me, and focusing on me. That is why his leaving again this year has not been as painful for me at all. Those close to me have confirmed this, they could see it too.
But I'd like to learn how to feel good about me and secure enough in my self esteem, so that a nice new man doesn't scare me, and bring up all these feelings that I will screw it up. I already see huge progress, in that I am becoming more critical as to if he is what I want, instead of only thinking about if I am what he wants. For me, that is HUGE.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
I left my AH about 6 weeks ago and I can honestly say that the last thing in this world that I am interested in is another man. It feels sooooo good to be just me. I am relishing the freedom. Although I am in my 50's I have the normal desires of most women but right now, I can't even fathom a relationship with any man.
I married twice for love. If I ever marry again it will be for money. Big bucks. Old, sick man. I do. Bye Bye!!!!!!! I think my sense of humor has become somewhat twisted! Actually, I think that I am alot funnier than anyone else does right now but I do make myself giggle!
Hugs, Jo
I married twice for love. If I ever marry again it will be for money. Big bucks. Old, sick man. I do. Bye Bye!!!!!!! I think my sense of humor has become somewhat twisted! Actually, I think that I am alot funnier than anyone else does right now but I do make myself giggle!
Hugs, Jo
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: cicero ny
Posts: 65
Jo, I think you're pretty funny. Love Sucks-Money Rules!! That should be our new slogan. Jessieandme, I think you should give it some time and take things really slow. I jumped from one realtionship to another and now I regret it. I should have taken some time to rediscover me. I'm not saying you shouldn't be friends with him, but just be careful.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Besides needing time to get to know ourselves it takes time to be able to see red flags with someone else. And we definitely can't do that when we are vulnerable from a past relationship.
Ngaire
Ngaire
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Indianapolis, In
Posts: 112
me - married 17 years
divorced, waited 2 years to date - dated, fell in love, burned bad
six months passes, begin dating again - SO moves in, he's an A, he just left me today
please please take your time....when SO moved in I told myself well if it doesn't work out then he will just move out and we will move on. today my heart is broken and I would give anything to have made a different decision back then.
divorced, waited 2 years to date - dated, fell in love, burned bad
six months passes, begin dating again - SO moves in, he's an A, he just left me today
please please take your time....when SO moved in I told myself well if it doesn't work out then he will just move out and we will move on. today my heart is broken and I would give anything to have made a different decision back then.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
thank you all for sharing
In hearing how many of you have had bad experiences by jumping into a new relationship, I am letting it all sink in. I agree with what is said, rebounding can be wrong for both people.
I made the mistake last summer of using a guy to fill the hole left by my AH.
I used him, no doubt, and later I know he was hurt. And I felt kinda lousy about myself for having done that. I just wanted someone's arms around me.
This year I don't want to just quickly fill that hole. That whole is a HUSBAND, and you don't juts pop another man in that spot.
You start over, at the beginning, meeting people and making friends and being single.
I do not want more pain. That is obvious. But its more than that.
I also do not want to go back to considering someone else's needs for every decision. Not yet. I am enjoying being in control of my own life right now. And making decisions just because they are right for me.
I do not want to be asked to do things I don't want to do, and feel bad to say no. I want to just do what I want to do, until I learn more about how to say No without feeling guilt.
However, I am thinking I would like to learn how to enjoy a nice guy's company and let him go back home. Just dating. You know, not move in, or propose, or anything like that. Not the obsessive kind of guys I've been with the past 15 years of my life.
Just maybe let someone be nice to me. Buy me dinner. Take me to a movie. Call me and chat about sports, or email me a joke. Take me and Jess for ice cream. I'd like to get instead of give.
But I want to be sure I can date like that and break out of my codie ways in dealing with a man...
I want to learn not to get all obsessive, feel all attached, get addicted to their affection.
I want to learn to trust. To not feel anxiety when I am away from someone I like. To not worry what they are thinking or feeling, and trust them to just tell me. And it be true.
I want to learn to believe I am wonderful. So then I will have confidence they will think so too, and if they don't, someone else will. So I don't feel I have to hang on to the first one. So I can just be friendly and be me, without feeling like I have to act JUST the way he would want me to be.
I made the mistake last summer of using a guy to fill the hole left by my AH.
I used him, no doubt, and later I know he was hurt. And I felt kinda lousy about myself for having done that. I just wanted someone's arms around me.
This year I don't want to just quickly fill that hole. That whole is a HUSBAND, and you don't juts pop another man in that spot.
You start over, at the beginning, meeting people and making friends and being single.
I do not want more pain. That is obvious. But its more than that.
I also do not want to go back to considering someone else's needs for every decision. Not yet. I am enjoying being in control of my own life right now. And making decisions just because they are right for me.
I do not want to be asked to do things I don't want to do, and feel bad to say no. I want to just do what I want to do, until I learn more about how to say No without feeling guilt.
However, I am thinking I would like to learn how to enjoy a nice guy's company and let him go back home. Just dating. You know, not move in, or propose, or anything like that. Not the obsessive kind of guys I've been with the past 15 years of my life.
Just maybe let someone be nice to me. Buy me dinner. Take me to a movie. Call me and chat about sports, or email me a joke. Take me and Jess for ice cream. I'd like to get instead of give.
But I want to be sure I can date like that and break out of my codie ways in dealing with a man...
I want to learn not to get all obsessive, feel all attached, get addicted to their affection.
I want to learn to trust. To not feel anxiety when I am away from someone I like. To not worry what they are thinking or feeling, and trust them to just tell me. And it be true.
I want to learn to believe I am wonderful. So then I will have confidence they will think so too, and if they don't, someone else will. So I don't feel I have to hang on to the first one. So I can just be friendly and be me, without feeling like I have to act JUST the way he would want me to be.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Spunky-
I believe you can do what you want and say no to things you don't want with out guilt. 'Cause you are getting healthy and you are going to behave in healthy ways. I believe you are wonderful and that you will be looking in the mirror and see that God made you to love others and to be at peace. I know you can make it!!
I believe you can do what you want and say no to things you don't want with out guilt. 'Cause you are getting healthy and you are going to behave in healthy ways. I believe you are wonderful and that you will be looking in the mirror and see that God made you to love others and to be at peace. I know you can make it!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 29
Just my opinion. Try not to judge this man on your past experiences. Perhaps he is a good person (I think there are some out there). Just keep your independance and allow him to be kind to you while you are getting to know him. If someone came into my life that was kind and decent to me, I'm positive I would be suspicious to the point of paranoia, but I also know why. We're not used to being treated the way we should be treated, with kindness and respect, we're used to being hurt. That's what we know how to handle. So I say, give the guy a chance! Wouldn't it be wonderful if he truly is what he seems to be! It happened for my Mom. She's in her 70's now and happier than she has EVER been. No hurry is there?
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