Son off to prison

Old 10-20-2013, 07:54 PM
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Son off to prison

It didn't take very long. I looked him up online and he was being shipped off to his home prison already. I assume it will be the one he was at but who knows? I have mixed feelings about it all. He will have to travel a ways to court for his current charges because he currently incarcerated for parole violation. I'm still tempted to get a lawyer because the law is not fair. I know what my son did was wrong but the reality is the court system is not what it seems. I told the police that I will not answer any more questions concerning him. They are turning my life upside down the same way my son has.
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Old 10-20-2013, 08:04 PM
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So, what you're saying is... you may or may not get a lawyer, but you can't bail him out now?

I'm on a venn diagram kick tonight. It might help to make one regarding getting him a lawyer, or not getting him a lawyer - for your son and yourself. I think in this situation it may be the job of the venn diagram, or listen to your heart... or your brain. I'm not sure.

I just don't think I could provide any useful advice that would help you on whether or not to hire a lawyer at this point.

I do, honestly hope you find peace. I wish things had been different.
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Old 10-20-2013, 08:42 PM
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Rhodesland, but should I volunteer information to the police? I will not do that and may just get a lawyer myself if they keep bothering me. My son is locked up and I get that. But why keep bothering me for information? I'm finished talking to them and will be talking to my father who is a attorney.
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Old 10-20-2013, 08:43 PM
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I understand what has happened is traumatic. No one should have to experience. But arguing here over whether to get a lawyer or not is not helpful - we've seen this conversations play out. I can't see another locked thread helping you.

But what I want to know is: How are you holding up? How are you feeling? Are you okay? How well have you been handling the emotional distress of the situation? People are here for you.
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Old 10-20-2013, 08:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post
Rhodesland, but should I volunteer information to the police? I will not do that and may just get a lawyer myself if they keep bothering me. My son is locked up and I get that. But why keep bothering me for information? I'm finished talking to them and will be talking to my father who is a attorney.
As far as I know, you have no duty to talk to the police. I don't know whether the right choice for you is to get a lawyer or not. I think that's a decision you have to make. Peace is something we all deserve, I hope you take steps in your life to make that happen.
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Old 10-20-2013, 08:55 PM
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Rhodeisland, I let them search the house once. I'm done with it. I'm done with dealing with them. They are nasty to me & I'm not the criminal! This makes me mad at my son also. He's being shipped off to prison yet I have to deal with his aftermath. This is something I believe many of you do not realize, the law is not always fair.
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Old 10-20-2013, 08:59 PM
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What has the law done to you?
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by RhodeIsland View Post
What has the law done to you?
They are asking me about my sons friends. Who they are, what gang they are, if my son knows so and so. You people her just don't get it.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:16 PM
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I understand full well the issues with America's prisons system and "war on drugs". I'm not here to debate that, and I don't like being thrown in with "You people" - it's an offensive thing to say.

I asked what the law has done to you. The police can ask you questions, but you're under no duty to answer their calls, or open the door for them - or even talk to them if they visit. (without a search warrant). You're choosing to interact with the police at this point - just tell them you won't be answering any more questions, and if they want to push the issue you'll have to be subpoenaed. If you don't know anything of your sons criminal interactions let them know - but do not lie to the police.

Dont Talk to Police - YouTube
Assert your rights.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:16 PM
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It baffles me that many of you live with alcoholics and addicts yet think it's okay. Maybe it not as extreme (yet) but the disease is progressive and I am proud to know that my son is a serious addict. I hear the words "functional alcoholic" and it doesn't make sense. How can a person be functioning AND an alcoholic. Many of you dress up the problem and the sad truth is that it is much worse than you realize. At least I can admit and be at peace at where my son is.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:20 PM
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We are a minority family that grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. Rhodeisland, you just don't get the whole philosophy of the "police are always right". I am proud to say that my son never got a DUI. I hear that offense all the time and I am just amazed as how much people minimize it.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post
It baffles me that many of you live with alcoholics and addicts yet think it's okay. Maybe it not as extreme (yet) but the disease is progressive and I am proud to know that my son is a serious addict. I hear the words "functional alcoholic" and it doesn't make sense. How can a person be functioning AND an alcoholic. Many of you dress up the problem and the sad truth is that it is much worse than you realize. At least I can admit and be at peace at where my son is.
If you follow the posts, the regular posters here do not consider "functional" alcoholics to be in an acceptable state - it is accepted that these people are addicts. Families of these people experience the hurt, pain, and suffering of alcoholism - those married to "functional" alcoholics wouldn't end up here if not. I'm not sure why you think anyone here sees alcoholism as "okay", but I haven't seen that sentiment here. I'm glad you gave me the opportunity to clear that up.

I'm glad you're at peace.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post
We are a minority family that grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. Rhodeisland, you just don't get the whole philosophy of the "police are always right". I am proud to say that my son never got a DUI. I hear that offense all the time and I am just amazed as how much people minimize it.
I'm aware Upset of how bad the situation is in regard to the domestic police forces in this nation, and the immoral war on drugs. I hope one day we can see it change. I understand the stop & frisk policies in NYC, and how immoral, and unconstitutional these policies are. Some people find peace in volunteering with organizations that seek to hold the police accountable. Stand up, organize - and make the change you want to see. Cop Block | Reporting Police Abuse, Brutality, and Corruption

However, your sons issues have not been caused by the police. He's chosen to be a violent offender - even in a free society, he would not be a functioning member. I'm sorry that is the case. Perhaps one day he will choose sobriety and be able to enter society and interact with others on a voluntary basis.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:36 PM
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Rhodelisland, if that is the area you are from than I can understand your lack of intelligence regarding police matters. It's okay I guess it's a regional thing. My sons incident with the police is just another day in the East Chicago/Gary area I am from. My son was a real alcoholic by the time he finished high school. I got him into multiple rehabs and it just didn't work. He progressed to hard drugs & that is something that many alcoholics progress to.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:41 PM
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Bless Your Heart
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post
Rhodeisland, I let them search the house once. I'm done with it. I'm done with dealing with them. They are nasty to me & I'm not the criminal! This makes me mad at my son also. He's being shipped off to prison yet I have to deal with his aftermath. This is something I believe many of you do not realize, the law is not always fair.
this reminds me of when I was locked up
when family and friends came to visit
they were sometimes treated as if they were criminals

some of these ones in authority
just let it all go to their head
it's too bad
sometimes ones with sick EGO's get these positions

don't blast me here
my father was a cop for many years
and
then promoted to Asst. Chief of Police
and yes
he was one of the good cops that treated others
as he wished to be treated himself

on good nights when the cops would come to my house
because I was playing my drums to loud
and, they would ask me if they could come in and look around
I would say "no thank you" and shut the door in their face

for you Upsetnneedhelp
I recommend you use the "no thank you" approach next time
the cops come a knocking at your door


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Old 10-20-2013, 09:53 PM
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Originally Posted by RhodeIsland View Post
Bless Your Heart
Thank you. I will have to follow your story and tragic tales when I get a chance.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:55 PM
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mountainbob, yes when I visit my son I am treat as a criminal. I am subject to a search and everything. The funny thing was because my son was in maximum security it was behind 2 inch thick glass. I couldn't even hug or kiss him goodbye. Many here do not realize what a maximum security institution is like.
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Old 10-20-2013, 10:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post

( Many here do not realize what a maximum security institution is like.
I wasn't in a maximum security institution
but
I do know that it's a very hard place even for a visitor to get into
takes a lot of time - right
possibly long lines with much waiting

when I was having visits
if a visitor who had waited for a long period just to see me
had to use the rest room during the visit
the visit was over

just think
the long drive there
a good wait
a visit with your locked up friend or loved one
and no use of the bathroom for visitors

someone thought that up
just to make visitors suffer


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Old 10-20-2013, 10:06 PM
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who's side are we on ??

PS

best not to give the authorities any more help than ((you really have to))

your son will hold a great resentment towards you later if you do

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