ZeldaFan

On my way home from work on Friday I stopped and got a bottle of vodka for the second weekend in a row.

No surprise that I ended up wasted by the end of the night and through Saturday. Now here I am, again, on Sunday feeling beat down and full of anxiety. I did so well for 39 days and now I have slipped up two weekends in a row. I think I need to get to an AA meeting this week to try something different. I'm very disappointed in myself at the moment.

CaiHong

Hi Zelda,
The last 2 weeks of my drinking was a small bottle of soju after work, now one would think that one small bottle did not constitute a drinking problem but it did, I felt mean and angry. This was me moderating. my drinking career was over and I contacted AA 2.5 years later I am glad I did.
The 12 step program and SR are my supports and keeping me sober.

All the best
caiHong

flujays

Hey Zelda, I feel your pain. I relapsed again this last weekend after joining the 24 hour sober thread. I feel like a complete failure and am so scared I won't be able to do it. But, I was beating myself up bad this morning and I can't get to a meeting today, so I did the next best thing... rang my sponsor. She is amazing, has 7 years sober and I think that helps me to know she's still fighting a fairly new battle, but winning. I truely feel like i'm right on the cusp of long term sobriety and my sponsor pointed out that instead of beating myself up about the relapse, see it as a learning experience, it reinforces the first step and brings me closer to long term sobriety. My longest time sober was 2 weeks and it was in April this year. My car drives itself to the bottle shop every friday afternoon. But I managed to make it through last Friday, it was Saturday that I slipped up and it was me who set in motion the chain of events that led me to drink. Be accountable to yourself every day and do whatever it takes not to drink. Don't go to the bottle shop, go to meetings, get a sponsor, post and read on SR and above all else, just live in today and tell yourself I won't drink today, maybe tomorrow, but not today. It's not about whether you relapse, it's what you do with that and whether you get back up, dust yourself and start over. Don't give up.

dizzychainsaw

Hi, I used again Friday. I was offered a Vicodin and I took it. It's frustrating! Only when I'm trying to get sober would someone just give me a pill! I only had one week clean and just didn't have the strength to say no. I guess the drug dealer is trying to regain my business. I thought I was doing ok but that happened so quickly. It really caught me off guard! The Big Book tells me that I am without defense against the first drink (or pill or line or shot) and that my defense must come from a Higher Power. I'm on day 2 yet again. I am so ready to have transportation again to make it to meetings. I live in a small town in the country ! I should have a car again in a couple of weeks if I can white knuckle it until then! I feel your pain! Drinking and using is normal for us. We have to go against our normal.

Anna

Zelda, make a plan for this Friday. Make a plan to go home a different route, to go to a movie on Friday evening, to go to the gym, whatever it takes to get through the weekend. You can do this!

Hevyn

Hi Zelda. Good that you posted about this.

Being angry & disappointed in yourself is maybe a good thing. I finally was so fed up with myself that I became determined to kick that stuff out of my life. All my good intentions flew out the window after the first few sips - & I knew there was no control. Once I gave up thinking willpower could ever work, I was able to let go of the fantasy of 'moderation'. It's much easier & less exhausting to just stop playing with it. We know you can do it.

DisplacedGRITS

I hear ya. I lost almost all of this past week. My last drink was Friday. I've managed to lose my debit card (the only one i have and it's from my old bank in the South so we only have checks now). I was trying to track down my card via the online statement...then i realized that i don't remember going to half of those places! What's worse, i don't even remember riding my bike several miles to all of those locations. It's all a blur. But i was sober yesterday, sober today, made a meeting and don't have plans to drink tomorrow. Sometimes, all we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move forward. I know that if i get stuck in the past, i'll just depress myself and get lost in that depression. I can learn from the past but i don't have to be chained by it.

ZeldaFan

Thanks for all the replies everyone! I'm so thankful I can come here for support and be completely honest about my struggle.

ACT10Npack

Take those binges as a lesson learn the next time you want to drink again. If you feel like you want to drink on Friday after work. Why not, keep your money/cards at home, do you are not tempted to drink when drinking when getting off work on Friday.

Have you ever thought about joining a gym? Would be a good place to go after work to relief some stress after a long day of working.

Just a few ideas of what you can do beside drinking.