About Time...I've Lurked for Years! 35 Days
Lover of the Light
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 159
About Time...I've Lurked for Years! 35 Days
I'm so grateful to have finally signed up. It's been a helluva 3 years and SR has been here through it all. I've read, researched and absorbed so much and feel its time to join the community!
I am an opiate addict in recovery after a 3 year long relapse. Opiates have been in my life over a decade and have wreaked havoc on every facet of my life. It was love at first pill for me...I was always experimenting with drugs but the euphoric buzz from pills hooked me hard. In the past 3 years my use increased FAST. The walls crashed in quickly and violently, I've done some terrible things of which I cannot yet speak, even to my supportive husband. Multiple trips to detox, suboxone and Inpatient rehab and I kept picking up again and again. I've been in withdrawals what seems like 50% of the past year. No way to live.
September 16 I braced myself for another cold turkey attempt. I came clean to my exasterbated husband and family and I don't know what's different...but I'm at day 35. I can hardly believe it and hesitated typing because I don't want to jinx it. It just feels different this time. I use many recovery tools including rehab aftercare, NA, yoga/mediation/reiki and more recently..praying.
My biggest struggle is I'm feeling better physically, but struggling with day to day activities. I feel so very restless. I can't seem to find my clean personality. I struggle to even make conversation sometimes. I just feel so...uninteresting. Love some advice from you all. Thanks for being there from me through the years. Just for today I will not use :-)
I am an opiate addict in recovery after a 3 year long relapse. Opiates have been in my life over a decade and have wreaked havoc on every facet of my life. It was love at first pill for me...I was always experimenting with drugs but the euphoric buzz from pills hooked me hard. In the past 3 years my use increased FAST. The walls crashed in quickly and violently, I've done some terrible things of which I cannot yet speak, even to my supportive husband. Multiple trips to detox, suboxone and Inpatient rehab and I kept picking up again and again. I've been in withdrawals what seems like 50% of the past year. No way to live.
September 16 I braced myself for another cold turkey attempt. I came clean to my exasterbated husband and family and I don't know what's different...but I'm at day 35. I can hardly believe it and hesitated typing because I don't want to jinx it. It just feels different this time. I use many recovery tools including rehab aftercare, NA, yoga/mediation/reiki and more recently..praying.
My biggest struggle is I'm feeling better physically, but struggling with day to day activities. I feel so very restless. I can't seem to find my clean personality. I struggle to even make conversation sometimes. I just feel so...uninteresting. Love some advice from you all. Thanks for being there from me through the years. Just for today I will not use :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
Good for you. Now if you get a craving you can say "I've come this far, don't want to go through that again". I read on SR nightly but don't post a lot and it helps to keep me going in the right direction. Keep us up to speed on how you're doing if you'd like, we're all rooting for ya!
-Ted
-Ted
Lover of the Light
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 159
Thanks so much! Ted, darn right I don't want to go through this again. I've been withdrawaling over and over for so damn long, I'm sick of judging my life on degree of dopesickness, if that makes any sense lol. I love waking up not requiring pills.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome! Not sure what specific advice I can give. I recall the comedian Robin Williams saying, "Right now I'm moving through my personal life like a hemophiliac moving through a razorblade factory".
Sometimes that's sobriety, but sometimes it's just life. We're all just feeling our way along as we go, at least on some level. At least I don't have to do it crawling on my hands and knees now!
Sometimes that's sobriety, but sometimes it's just life. We're all just feeling our way along as we go, at least on some level. At least I don't have to do it crawling on my hands and knees now! 
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