theotherhalf

its strange...its been about four months since ive seen or talked to my aexgf. weve been broken up since then. I cant seem to shake her from my mind. I went to a friends house last night and she gave me a wallet that my ex had lost there about a year ago. I could have just tossed or or thrown it into the huge bonfire that they were having but i still, after everything, want to do the right thing so im going to put it in her moms mailbox on monday. I looked though it and found a whole bunch of things in there from when we first started dating that she was going to use in the scrapbook for us.
I guess i just don't get the fact that someone can be two completely different people and do such horrible things to the person that they supposedly loved. and i know its the disease or whatever you want to say but at the end of the day doesn't it come down to choices?
looking at her drivers license still makes me smile because i would have done anything for that girl and in the end i just got my heart ripped out and stomped on. in the back of my mind im still hoping that shell reach out to me someday. I know its completely crazy to think that and really its just a thought. i come on here and read whats being posted to remind myself of how nuts it was and how really fortunate i am to be out of it all. i guess its just me reminiscing and thinking of just the good times and how she made me smile. that always seems to overtake the memories of the insane dope-fueled fights, deception, cheating, and being a bad girlfriend in general. crazy how the brain can do that. its getting easier though, im dating again -somewhat- and find that my entire day isn't consumed thinking about her anymore. just having a tough time right now after finding all that stuff.

AnvilheadII

it's always tough when something comes at us out of left field. might have been better to not have taken her wallet, as your EX that isn't really your responsibility. might have been better not to look thru her wallet, it's not your property, etc. but what's done is done. one less THING. give yourself some time to come back into balance. don't entertain all those romanticized notions of how GREAT it was....drug abuse and cheating really aren't great.

think of it like someone with a peanut allergy. no matter how much they might LIKE peanuts, just one can be enough to do them in. healthy positive recovery actions are the "epi pen" to bring you back out of shock.

be well.

needingabreak

Anvil, what a great analogy. It is easy to romanticize a relationship when there are problems and the more time that goes by, the more we forget. I also think people feel the need to rewrite history and fix whatever was wrong. You can't. It is what it is. The drugs are a dreadful disease and they cause so much pain and havoc in their loved one's lives. try to focus on the truth of your relationship and realize the person you see on the license is not her anymore. Just like the person who dates a cheater or a con artist. You have to look at the REAL person. Accept that you miss the good part and move on knowing you are in a much better place without the craziness and heart ache!

gothbarbie

I do the same thing. I find myself waking up today feeling fine & less stressed about the break up. everything will be ok I promise! I'm trying to see him for what he really was and not my fantasy of what. I wanted