lucy83

I actually feel like I am losing my mind. I feel very very depressed and I know that alcohol is playing a huge part in it. I am at a very stressful time in my life. I have just started a Masters in another city, I am trying to juggle that with a job in my hometown, I have just had to break up with someone who had bi-polar disorder and I feel that I am using alcohol as a way to escape. I often hate myself after a night out and can only remember the stupid things I have done and am constantly worrying about what people think about me.

I really need some support and advice on how to move forward. I work in a bar and study in a very sociable institute where we are encouraged to socialise. I have no way of escaping being around alcohol and so I need help avoiding drinking it. I really feel that I am on the verge of a breakdown and I'm at risk of ruining everything for myself. Can anyone advise me on the best way to move forward?

ovrock

Hello Lucy,

First of all, welcome to SR. You being here shows that you acknowledged your problem and you are seeking help... You will find alot of comfort and excellent advice here... Keep coming... I will leave the initial advice to the more experienced posters. But I'd like to impress on you that what you are not alone in what you are experiencing... The guilt, deression, blackouts, insecure feelings etc. Are symptoms that I lived with for years... They only go when you stop drinking and start the process of healing mind and body...

AA helped me to jumpstart my healing process. There are other programmes as well...

All the best to you...

lucy83

I do have friends that don't drink and I have so much respect for them. I think that I sometimes drink to loosen myself up. I also tend to seek attention from men when I'm drunk, especially just now as I am on the rebound and then I feel awful the next day. It's so obvious what I'm doing, yet I can't stop. Well, I know I can stop, but it is just going to be tough.

Thank you for the replies. Have you been through the same/similar thing, Tom?

toomuchtoolose

I drank throughout my unit years and into my thirties, I wish I'd realised the damage it was doing earlier. By making the choice now to stop you are saving yourself so much damage, don't doubt your decision, longer term you will make better friends and have better times not based around drink x

Mizzuno

Support is essential in this. Do you have anyone who can offer face to face support? There is a lot on your plate. Please know that these moments will pass. These feelings are not permanent. You are doing something amazing with your life and drinking will only make the situation worse. Focus on your studies and know that you are doing the best that you can.

lucy83

Very true. I don't even have time for a man. I just seem to like the chase when I'm drunk and then I never call them back anyway, such a waste of time. Today I have loads of homework to do, yet my head is so fuzzy I'm useless. I feel like I need to be inspired to quit drinking. Part of me also knows that I am so capable when I am not like this. I am glad I found this forum. I really feel that talking to people about this will help. I can't even bring myself to leave the house today, but at least I can communicate how I feel.

wiscsober

Lucy

hayley86

Welcome Lucy, this is a great place for support. Glad you have joined us.

Mizzuno

The inspiration could be the fact that you are paying for a Masters Program. Getting through this program with your full attention is imperative. Your brain needs to be top notch. Keep talking and keep sharing. I have found that support is imperative on this journey.

lucy83

Thank you. I am crying now, but I think it is some kind of nice release. I have so much on my plate that I can't afford to lose focus. Why do we do these things to ourselves? I also feel very effected by the break up, being in a relationship with someone who has bi-polar is so difficult and I don't even feel like I'm fully out of it yet.

ovrock

I agree, sometimes we have to be selfish in order to improve self... This is such a time... I had to cut and limit certain "friendships" for various reasons... Especially in the early stages you need all the positive around you as possible... AA helped me alot in those earlier days... People who understand your pain...

Anna

Welcome, Lucy!

I hope that you are inspired to stop drinking and to move forward with your life, in a healthy way.

Do you have alcohol in your home? If so, get rid of it, and don't drink today. Focus on the positive aspects of sobriety and you will be able to do this.

JuliaGulia99

I'm new on this website too! Welcome. This seems to be a very supportive place. So great that you're here. It's very hard to get out of the destructive cycle of addiction. I have drank heavily for 20 yrs. am starting again today trying to stay sober. I used to be a flight attendant so I understand about the peer pressure. Maybe you can try to just have a ginger ale or sparking fruit juice for one evening. Then maybe the next evening after that . Baby steps is helpful,in trying to achieve sobriety. Good luck on your journey. Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone

lucy83

I don't have alcohol in the house. I never do. I don't even drink every day and I never drink alone. My problem is that when I'm stressed I binge drink to feel happy or to forget things and it always makes me feel worse. I can't stand how depressed I feel when I'm hung over. Today, for example, I just want to sleep so I can avoid my own thoughts.

KateL

The fear, I call it. Have a sleep and you will probably be starving later, so have something yummy to eat.

lucy83

Yep, I call it the fear too. It sucks. I think I'm going to try to get some work done and maybe treat myself to an unhealthy take away, something I never do. I'm just praying I feel better tomorrow.

roomsforall

Lucy, I do the attention seeking thing when I drink also. It's another source of guilt for me. I've found that when I am not drinking, I have time to focus on what my real needs are instead of looking for a quick attention fix.

KateL

You are so right Tom. Nobody should be judged on here. It would be like judging people for going a bit weird due to diabetes or any other illness. We have/had an illness.

Mizzuno

The only way that I made it out of my depressive thoughts was to quit drinking. Alcohol allowed every part of my being to stay in a depressive mode. It was complete torture. I didn't realize what was really taking place until I had a forceful exit from being an active alcoholic. There is work to be done today. I would eat food, shower, and get to tackling your studies. Try to put all of these thoughts to the side and allow yourself some breathing room. We heal in time. I am sorry that you are going through this. You will get better. You will.

KateL

You will. Have something really indulgently fab to eat, why not? you're allowed to be naughty because you're sober