My Path may be set
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 407
My Path may be set
Well, I started second guessing myself. You probably have all been down this road as well. I start thinking; "Maybe it's not that bad." I know that my attitude has sucked recently, and I have had no tolerance for anything that H says or does, especially if there is a hint of nastiness. I have been trying to practice detachment with varying degrees of success, and frankly, this has just not been a happy home lately. So, I thought that I would try and be my old self, and act pleasant. I was cheerful when I came home from running errands. I was agreeable when H suggested going out for the evening.
Well, evidently I drove my car through some wet paint or stripes sometime this week and there was dried paint all over the car (the one that I just bought). I was only in town 3 days this week, and it probably happened today, but I just don't remember seeing any striping going on. When H went to examine my car prior to washing it, he went ballistic. Now, I am an inattentive, stupid driver that is putting our investment at risk. Much yelling and swearing, and all before the first bottle was opened.
Later, after apologies (from both sides), he made a pizza with the expectation that I would spend time with him. I should have; however, I had an assignment that was due. Just as I posted it, (about 8:30 pm) he came into the room where I was working and, with a smirk, said, "Well, I hope you are really enjoying your computer." and shut the bedroom door. Drunk, by now, there was no point in talking or arguing.
I feel pretty bleak. I know that I have been leaning toward the fact that leaving is inevitable, but tonight I feel pretty crappy. Like I could have prevented some or all of the issues.
To top it off, the friend that I have been spending time with had a date tonight, and I really don't want to call and bother him with my drama. That would just make things even weirder.
I know that this is not high on the Alcoholic behavior level of Taxonomy, but I just needed to vent.
Well, evidently I drove my car through some wet paint or stripes sometime this week and there was dried paint all over the car (the one that I just bought). I was only in town 3 days this week, and it probably happened today, but I just don't remember seeing any striping going on. When H went to examine my car prior to washing it, he went ballistic. Now, I am an inattentive, stupid driver that is putting our investment at risk. Much yelling and swearing, and all before the first bottle was opened.
Later, after apologies (from both sides), he made a pizza with the expectation that I would spend time with him. I should have; however, I had an assignment that was due. Just as I posted it, (about 8:30 pm) he came into the room where I was working and, with a smirk, said, "Well, I hope you are really enjoying your computer." and shut the bedroom door. Drunk, by now, there was no point in talking or arguing.
I feel pretty bleak. I know that I have been leaning toward the fact that leaving is inevitable, but tonight I feel pretty crappy. Like I could have prevented some or all of the issues.
To top it off, the friend that I have been spending time with had a date tonight, and I really don't want to call and bother him with my drama. That would just make things even weirder.
I know that this is not high on the Alcoholic behavior level of Taxonomy, but I just needed to vent.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Yurt, take it easy on yourself. Read back through what you posted. There's no expectation for you to be happy and *wanting* to spend time with someone who loses their sh*t and berates you like that. Even if that person is your husband. Normal couples don't do that to each other. Sweeping it under the rug and saying, "Eh, just forget about it and let's eat" is telling him that he can get away with it. You teach people how to treat you. None of his behavior is your fault. None of it. So tell that monkey on your back to gtfo and go home.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Yurt, i think when you are not really living an authentic life--when you can't really be yourself---an, you come into an awareness of this fact---the prison walls seem to get smaller and smaller....
It looks to me like you are normal because you are not happy, right now. How could you be??
dandylion
It looks to me like you are normal because you are not happy, right now. How could you be??
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: RhodeIsland
Posts: 175
In regards to investment: A car is not an investment - a new car is a depreciating asset.
A little paint? It's not cosmetic. there is no "protecting" the investment - in 10 years, after 100K miles, it'll be like most cars - worth $2-3K, regardless of minor cosmetic issues. Drive more, worry less.
I know it hurts, but he's showing who he is, and what his priorities are: Getting drunk. Choosing alcohol, and then the following times before he drinks he's still hung over - he's still feeling the effects - short tempered, irrational, and he chooses to expose those around him to it. He chooses to be in that fog. He chooses how he treats his loved ones. I hope things improve in your life, and I'm glad you're willing to share with us. thumbs up on taking care of the assignment!
A little paint? It's not cosmetic. there is no "protecting" the investment - in 10 years, after 100K miles, it'll be like most cars - worth $2-3K, regardless of minor cosmetic issues. Drive more, worry less.
I know it hurts, but he's showing who he is, and what his priorities are: Getting drunk. Choosing alcohol, and then the following times before he drinks he's still hung over - he's still feeling the effects - short tempered, irrational, and he chooses to expose those around him to it. He chooses to be in that fog. He chooses how he treats his loved ones. I hope things improve in your life, and I'm glad you're willing to share with us. thumbs up on taking care of the assignment!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
yurt, i'm sorry he responded as if it was your fault. it was not. paint happens. it's just a car, no matter how "new" - the moment you drive it off the lot, it's USED and losing value.
way back in spring, it was the weekend and I really wanted to get out and get some yardwork done. and I REALLY wanted hank to mow the yard. while I never said this directly, he finally with much resistance went out and fired up the mower. on his SECOND pass on grass strip on the one side of the driveway, he somehow ran over a rock, which shot out sideways and.....made a direct hit on the passenger rear window of MY car and it shattered. we stood there in absolute shock!
did I get mad? it was after all MY car, the newer of the two subarus. nope, just got busy cleaning up the mess. did he get mad at himself? oh hell yeah. I let him work that out for himself. it was JUST a window, not a small child, nor a dog, nor me! I made a very chilly drive the next day to work and then on the way home had a new window installed. AND I learned not to try to manipulate him into doing something I WANTED him to do.
now it's a running joke. when he says he's gonna mow I ask, should I move the car????
your situation is depressing and debasing of your value and worth. you deserve better. our mission each day is NOT to try and figure out what we did wrong, again, this time. I hope that path of which you speak leads straight out the door and to somewhere happy joyous and free.
way back in spring, it was the weekend and I really wanted to get out and get some yardwork done. and I REALLY wanted hank to mow the yard. while I never said this directly, he finally with much resistance went out and fired up the mower. on his SECOND pass on grass strip on the one side of the driveway, he somehow ran over a rock, which shot out sideways and.....made a direct hit on the passenger rear window of MY car and it shattered. we stood there in absolute shock!
did I get mad? it was after all MY car, the newer of the two subarus. nope, just got busy cleaning up the mess. did he get mad at himself? oh hell yeah. I let him work that out for himself. it was JUST a window, not a small child, nor a dog, nor me! I made a very chilly drive the next day to work and then on the way home had a new window installed. AND I learned not to try to manipulate him into doing something I WANTED him to do.
now it's a running joke. when he says he's gonna mow I ask, should I move the car????
your situation is depressing and debasing of your value and worth. you deserve better. our mission each day is NOT to try and figure out what we did wrong, again, this time. I hope that path of which you speak leads straight out the door and to somewhere happy joyous and free.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 407
Ha!
This morning,H acknowledged that he was petty harsh, but that he felt justified, acting as he did. I am just letting it pass,as today is DD's 17th birthday. I want this to be one of the"good" days.
I think I am finally getting "one day at a time" and "Let go and let God."
This morning,H acknowledged that he was petty harsh, but that he felt justified, acting as he did. I am just letting it pass,as today is DD's 17th birthday. I want this to be one of the"good" days.
I think I am finally getting "one day at a time" and "Let go and let God."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Ahhhhhh the yellow paint! I have it all over our 2013 Toyota Tacoma. You should see the scratches on that baby too! I also had a dead deer in it yesterday! Oh and the mud, briars and blood all over my hunting clothes still in the back of the cab... I tell him, DO NOT touch my sh*t! And he doesn't! But I did let him take my bow and work bag out yesterday and bring it in for me because he was taking the truck to work last night (not allowed weapons on premise). It was a 36 hr day of working and then hunting, hanging, butchering a deer. Not a peep out of him but if he were drinking... OMG. I don't think I'd get a damn thing done.
But yeah.... our brand new truck looks like sh*t!
I USE it! lol
P.S. Happy Birthday to your 17 year old! Hope you guys have a wonderful day!
But yeah.... our brand new truck looks like sh*t!
I USE it! lolP.S. Happy Birthday to your 17 year old! Hope you guys have a wonderful day!
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
My little Elantra is beat to hell from being used to transport family back and forth to church functions and various other things. I bought it used though, as I fail to see the point in paying so much money for something that's losing its value every day. I have dings and scratches, paint, bugs, roadkill bits, younameit on my car. But all of our cars do. Perks of being married to a mechanic, I guess. If it has wings or wheels, he can fix it. Makes car shopping at the damaged fleet lot more like a treasure hunt. I was too scared to drive the one new car I had. The first scratch had me crying for days!
Anyway, now that I've gone off on my own little sidebar... Hubby's apology doesn't excuse what he did to you. I'm glad you're letting go and letting God. Recognize that his behavior unacceptable, but also that confronting it is likely to make more trouble. (((Hugs)))
Anyway, now that I've gone off on my own little sidebar... Hubby's apology doesn't excuse what he did to you. I'm glad you're letting go and letting God. Recognize that his behavior unacceptable, but also that confronting it is likely to make more trouble. (((Hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 407
Box and Grits,
I did purchase my car used, but it is new to me. I do agree that stuff happens if you drive them. It is not a garage queen. I think that at some level, H is annoyed that I even though he kept insisting that I get the car that I want, I did not acquiesce and select the car that he recommended. Of course, he does not realize yet, that I see myself as possibly taking the car and leaving at some point. I pointed out that even if I had known where the fresh paint was, I probably could not have avoided it. Although there is a "Sport" button on the console, I have not seen a "Hop" button.
As far as confronting his behavior (I didn't really consider his statement an apology), Today was about our daughter turning 17, so I chose discretion. Under different circumstances, the results may have been different. Still working on that whole detachment, letting go thing; but it is coming.
OT-Box; venison is beginning to sound pretty good. Last week the deer stripped my pomegranate tree, and last night it was my apple tree. Kind of sad, because I don't know if I will be here in this home next season.
I think one of the things that was making me forlorn was the fact that I am already starting to miss what was supposed to be our future. We have two acres with a yurt, gardens, and various trees. H is starting to talk about plans for the yard (after doing nothing for 4 years), but I can't get on board, knowing that my future is uncertain. When I think "OK, let's try this", he flips and shows his A behavior. Yuck.
Thanks for all of the kind words and support.
Yurt
I did purchase my car used, but it is new to me. I do agree that stuff happens if you drive them. It is not a garage queen. I think that at some level, H is annoyed that I even though he kept insisting that I get the car that I want, I did not acquiesce and select the car that he recommended. Of course, he does not realize yet, that I see myself as possibly taking the car and leaving at some point. I pointed out that even if I had known where the fresh paint was, I probably could not have avoided it. Although there is a "Sport" button on the console, I have not seen a "Hop" button.
As far as confronting his behavior (I didn't really consider his statement an apology), Today was about our daughter turning 17, so I chose discretion. Under different circumstances, the results may have been different. Still working on that whole detachment, letting go thing; but it is coming.
OT-Box; venison is beginning to sound pretty good. Last week the deer stripped my pomegranate tree, and last night it was my apple tree. Kind of sad, because I don't know if I will be here in this home next season.
I think one of the things that was making me forlorn was the fact that I am already starting to miss what was supposed to be our future. We have two acres with a yurt, gardens, and various trees. H is starting to talk about plans for the yard (after doing nothing for 4 years), but I can't get on board, knowing that my future is uncertain. When I think "OK, let's try this", he flips and shows his A behavior. Yuck.
Thanks for all of the kind words and support.
Yurt
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Yurt... ain't nothing a license n bow can't handle! Tag that deer n have back straps for dinner! Going back out for another tomorrow morning! Hopefully, I'll get a lil buddy for this one so she's not so lonely in the freezer! I have enough room for 3 more!
Going back out for another tomorrow morning! Hopefully, I'll get a lil buddy for this one so she's not so lonely in the freezer! I have enough room for 3 more! Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: RhodeIsland
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz 
Yurt... ain't nothing a license n bow can't handle! Tag that deer n have back straps for dinner! Going back out for another tomorrow morning! Hopefully, I'll get a lil buddy for this one so she's not so lonely in the freezer! I have enough room for 3 more! : D
Going back out for another tomorrow morning! Hopefully, I'll get a lil buddy for this one so she's not so lonely in the freezer! I have enough room for 3 more! : D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: RhodeIsland
Posts: 175
I'm jealous.
I love venison burgers and the back strap is delicious; been far too long since I've had it. I'll be getting my hunting license once I'm finish up this program and pass the NCLEX. I'd add it to the dogs feed as well. Protein, healthier, and free.
I love venison burgers and the back strap is delicious; been far too long since I've had it. I'll be getting my hunting license once I'm finish up this program and pass the NCLEX. I'd add it to the dogs feed as well. Protein, healthier, and free.
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