LoveMeNow

How many addicted spouses or SO have been unfaithful? And what was their DOC?

No explanation needed, just curious!!

PhotoArtist

Neither I nor my AH have ever been unfaithful. I know people will say "you don't really know if he has been unfaithful," but I am sure he hasn't been. I mean, he has cheated on me with "roxie" thousands of times, but she is a little blue pill, so I guess that doesn't really count, LOL.

bluebelle

My abf has not been unfaithful. His DOC is pain pills.

On a side note, when I was younger, I had a bf who was unfaithful twice (as far as I know). He didn't do illegal drugs, and didn't have an alcohol problem.

PhotoArtist

Oh, I forgot to mention that my AH's DOC is Oxycodone.

overit263

My exah choice was opiates. He swears it was "only pills" this past year...which I don't believe AT ALL. Had to do a full sweep of my home after I kicked him out and that was really scary. Of course I had to search all the places that were too high up, so I bought a ladder. First stop was the toilet tank. I really hated it but found nothing of course. I really thought mine would never cheat on me, he was always a loner in his drug use, and he always wanted to be home, so he never stayed out all night, or even until after 11:00pm. The only time that happened was when he was kicked out. I can't say that I believe that at all now. But what difference does it really make? Pain is pain and betrayal is betrayal, to me he lied about everything anyway, and since addiction is a progressive disease, why wouldn't the lies and behaviors get worse? I just think you always have to assume the worst with an active addict, because they usually don't tell you everything anyway.

HealingWillCome

My xah was unfaithful. His first DOC was alcohol. He never drank at home but his second job took him out of town nearly every weekend where he would binge drink to the point of falling down (I learned this after our divorce). He also discovered his second DOC - a girl half his age. I found letters from her to him a few months in and our marriage ended on the spot. It was a painful hell, but I'm happy now and he and the gf are miserably married. The saddest aftermath has been how it has affected our children.

LoveMeNow

I created this thread after reading an older thread and discussing it with a friend. There seems to be a lot of posters who addicted love ones have cheated. In some cases, the codependent cheated as well. Not judging, just sayin.

I have met many women who were "shocked" after infidelity was discovered and in sone cases drugs or alcohol were not an issue.

IMO, drugs do not cause cheating. IMO, drugs do not cause domestic violence. That said, I am just curious about the statistics of infidelity and addiction.

A lot say cheating is more prevalent with specific drugs. I disagree.

To my knowledge, my husband has not cheated on me. However, I am not not naive enough to think anything is possible or even probable. However, that will be between him and God. I can only control my choices and behaviors, which is a struggle within itself. I can only repent for the mistakes I have made. I can not take on his or anyone else's as well.

HealingWillCome

Often times cheating is chasing another high. Both my xah and his wife have cheated on each other. When someone is looking to fill a void, the void-filler can come in the form of a drug, alcohol use, sex, gambling...whatever. I believe it's the reason infidelity and drug/alcohol use can go hand-in-hand. The unhealthy person seeks out unhealthy ways to fill the void, sometimes in multiple ways. We codependents look to fill the void with unhealthy partners and sometimes have other void-fillers as well.

theotherhalf

My xagf cheated on me with a guy she was using to buy her heroin. she would leave my house around 9 at night then go to his to get dope and do whatever. and it had also happened a the year before. and the year before that. She would justify it by saying that we were broken up or taking a break or whatever but still being in contact with me. The final one though was a 2-3 month long thing.

Twofish

Hi LMN, My situation, as you know by now, is my ADs. Their DOC was oxy/Roxy then progressed to stronger opiates Heroin. They betrayed me by the lies. I had no idea of the extent of there involvement with drugs. Then the blame and guilt finally the judgement of others. That hurt considering I didn't cause this addiction, nor could I control or fix them. So that's my answer to your interesting survey. I have enjoyed the answers that the others have given.

blackandblue

My AXBF cheated on me early on in the relationship and likely throughout and his DOC is heroin with a side of beer, marijuana, and an occasional pill, bump, line, snort or whatever else tickles his fancy.

KeepinItReal

My AH cheated when we were dating. His cheating was with a coke dealer girl that lasted 4 months. This was 6 years into our relationship. We were both using. I also cheated when we were dating. This happened 4 years into our relationship and lasted a few weeks. I blamed the drugs. I wouldn't have if I could have made a good judment. I sincerely regretted it and I think bc I cheated first I was able to forgive him. I don't think cheating is a sign of lack of love but lack of respect for your partner. Just selfishness which addiction loves to be.

KeepinItReal

Oh - doc was cocaine, X, marijuana, alcohol, shrooms, black tar opium and vicodin...... he added oxy and heroin ..... I never did.

PhotoArtist

I, the codependent, did cheat, but not on my husband. I without a doubt know that I would never be unfaithful to my husband.

I did cheat on my XABF - we were together for 7 years before I finally ended the relationship, more out of fear than anything. I bled codependency during that relationship. He wore me down, mentally at first, but eventually he started getting physically abusive. He never actually hit me, but he put me in enough choke holds to want out of that pathetic excuse of a relationship!

I hated him. I could't even look at him without feeling disgusted, but I just couldn't leave. If he would have walked out of my life and never looked back, I would have been fine, but for some reason I just couldn't do it. So, in attempts to get him to end the relationship, I cheated! Yeah, sounds pretty crazy now that I think about it.

I actually planned it all out, slept with a super hot guy that I have known for years (why settle for ground beef when you can have filet mignon?). He knew exactly what I was doing and hated my XABF, so it's not like I had to try very hard to persuade him. And we both spread the news so that my XABF would find out and finally leave me.

Guess what, the ******* wouldn't end the relationship even after he found out I cheated! All that sex with that super hot guy for nothing But really, it was a pretty stupid thing for me to do, especially with an abusive addict as a boyfriend. He got really violent after that, and that is when I hightailed it outta there and never looked back!

alanwib

im new and not too sure of all the abbreviations you are all using.
my husband's DOC (drug of choice?) is ketamine....and i found out has has slept with prostitutes about 10 times in 2008/9. i found out last week. hes in renab now. not sure whats going to happen.
he sometimes had 2 girls at the same time... and in one week he had 3 different sessions....to me that says he was enjoying it... not a misguided choice to fill a void. i really want someone to tell me im wrong

KeepinItReal

He did it because he WASN'T thinking about you. He didn't care how you felt. It was selfish. No one cheats to hurt the other person. They cheat because they wanted to at the time. People cheat, who are not drug addicts. Yet, drugs do bring out the selfishness a lot more. It's a judgment call. Some people work through cheating and others don't. I also agree that cheating isn't a misguided choice to fill a void. Do you think he cared about those women at all?? No. It was just selfishness.

jzeb2008

My husband doesn't cheat. I believe that drugs and alcohol can bring down inhibitions but that in most cases, if you're a cheater, you're a cheater. If you're not, you're not. My husband isn't. But, IT SURE FEELS LIKE IT!!! The lying, sneaking, lack of emotion, not spending time at home, etc. My husband's DOC is opiates (mostly Roxy) and alcohol.

PhotoArtist

I couldn't have said it better myself! Even though they aren't cheating with another human being, it feels like being cheated on. The lies, the betrayal, it all feels the same. They are cheating with Roxy! And occasionally with Jim Beam, Captain Morgan & the Grey Goose!

Sorry, I have to find humor in this. I have run out of tears and laughter is all I have left!

newme2013

My stbxah cheated on me. I'm not sure if she is an alcoholic but she is a heavy drinker. He actually told me that was her most attractive quality. He became as obsessed with her as he is with drinking. He took all our money and spent it on that piece of trash. He insisted she was the love of his life and he was going to marry her and be much happier than he had ever been with me. Once I found out about it and kicked him out of our house and his "relationship" with her ended within a month. He couldn't move in with her because she still lives with her mommy with her two very young children. Without having me paying the bills he couldn't pull himself together enough to get a place of his own and ended up sleeping in his car until that got repossessed. The love of his life was living comfortably mooching of her parents and didn't care that he was homeless. Once he couldn't pay for hotel rooms or buy her gifts she was done with him. It has been nearly a year since I kicked him out. He still hasn't found a place to live. The woman he cheated on me with lost custody of her kids and now spends her days taking naked pictures of herself in her moms house which she posts on the internet hoping to entice the next idiot like my husband to shower her with gifts. And my life may not be perfect but I am much better off than I was a year ago. We will soon be divorced and I no longer have to deal with the insanity caused by addiction.

Lily1918

my alcoholic ex cheated on me several times. D has not as far as I know, and I pray he doesn't become a punk while he is locked up, but Im realistic about that. his DOC is heroin. I haven't cheated on D, but I had a 2year long affair on my ex. Im not sure why I cheated on one and not the other.... thanks for the thread. It has given me some food for thought. I think I wanted to hurt my ex, shame him and make him feel less a man. I made sure to cheat with his "best friends" in order to ruin those relationships within the so called brotherhood. I was angry that he beat me, so I hurt him back just the same. It wasn't even that good to be honest, but the revenge I wanted was worth it if you ask me. I remember telling him to his face, and for once I had finally hurt him, and destroyed his friendships. so I guess if I really think about it, it wasn't about lust at all.