amberrosejanusz

i've been good about my boyfriends recovery lately. yesterday i just broke down.. but it came out of nowhere, i got so upset and today isn't much better. I truly can't point to any source as to why it happened. I was gonna go to a meeting tonight but the last one is at 7 and i just got out of work at 7. :/ I'm trying to figure out how to get back up on my feet. I'm not in the mood to go out tonight with any friends.. seeing as i justttt got home and i'm exhausted. What are some things that help when your'e not feeling too hot? small simple tricks to help you appreciate yourself. anything would really be great

overit263

I know that I broke down after the fact. It's a mix of emotions and it's overwhelming. You were probably so all about him getting into recovery and finally actually going into recovery that you were finally able to relax a little. That's when I lose it at least. I watch a funny movie to zone out and only think about what's on the screen for a little while. Try to figure out why you were so upset after that and maybe you'll have a little more clarity?

amberrosejanusz

I know, i used to just think about his recovery and not my own... the thing is.. i stopped that. i realized that i'm important too.. i think the only reason i'm upset is cuz while i'm working on myself and he on his self... we haven't worked on us much... and it upsets me. I'm still trying to get over the fact that we won't be able to work on us very much until we figure ourselves out first but i sometimes get upset when i see how great we are together.. but i know that i can't focus on that right now.. ughhairghioahgirojgoagjroifoijdsoijaeri i just wanna pull my hair out at times... i just want to be close like we used to be. Every time we get close he freaks out and pulls away.. i'm aware of why but it sucks and i don't care for it. Thank you though, i got a kevin hart stand up dvd i'm probably gonna make some food and watch that tonight

overit263

Kevin Hart usually makes everything better! Let me just tell you though, if you are expecting things to go back the way they were, that doesn't really happen. I thought that my ExAH and I could get back to the way we were, and it never happened. We were friends for a very long time before we were ever married so I thought the chances were good, but I think the pain he eventually caused ran too deep. Try to practice patience and read a lot about codependency so that you go back into things armed with the best information possible, it may help you from over thinking some things and you will know when to back off too. Take care of yourself and put yourself first while he is doing the same.

Leana

It's ironic you posted this, just this past Thursday, I broke down. I was fine and just felt this deep sadness come over me and I couldn't shake it. Nothing happened to set it off, my daughter is doing well but she is in the early stages of recovery. No idea what it was either.

amberrosejanusz

Oh, yea i know they won't ever be the same.. I know that he'll always have this in his life. I just hope eventually he'll stop pushing me away because of it, he can't accept happiness because he says it will make him forget his recovery which is why we aren't as close anymore. I understand that, and i would never fight that. I just want him to know, i can be healthy for him too. This whole pushing me away thing will eventually cause me to just give up one day. He's started to appreciate me a lot more lately and treat me a lot better again.. i guess i'm just impatient. I'm trying to do that, i want to know that even though i'd never want things to end if they did.. it wouldn't destroy me. Yeah, kevin hart is so what i need right now lol thank you

amberrosejanusz

So i'm not crazy then? like.... i'm not just so stupid for being this emotional? i thought i was the only one who just broke down for no reason...

overit263

We try to hold it together for the hardest part, and then I'm telling you, once we finally get to relax a little, all the other feelings come flooding up.

jjj111

I like to take a hot bath/shower or a walk when I feel overwhelmed. I also enjoy sports. Anything that helps me relax and focus on something other than worry!

blindsided08

I too experienced this flood of emotions about a
week after my boyfriend entered treatment. out of nowhere I was no longer
okay, and I have to agree I think it was because the stress of wondering what he was doing, and the craziness was gone. I was alone with all the feelings I had pushed away , and so they surfaced. for me, it was a push to really start taking care of myself. I got on amazon immediately and ordered co dependency books, and looked up even more meetings
to attend..and for me, prayer really helped. like you I have a hard time with the fact that right now is about is as individuals rather than as a couple. but it does get better, it's been a month and half of him in treatment and I've only had the one
breakdown. just take care of youu!

amberrosejanusz

yeah, i tried watching something funny. it was kind of late to play any sports lol.. but thanks
and yeah, well it's a little different it's been about two and a half months and he is back but he moved out and back to his parents house and i guess that's what stung the most because he never asked he just left. i have to be okay with it, because it's probably better for him and is recovery but to just accept everything as if it's nothing.. i guess i just can't accept that on some level. i understand in time, they get their emotions back but he is so numb to any kind of feelings he doesn't understand why i get upset... so when i had that breakdown.. i just broke away somehow... like a part of me isnt attached to him anymore.. maybe that's a good thing maybe i'm letting go of this need to be with him even if i still want to be near him i hope i'm actually right about this and i hope that i can come to a more proper understanding in a less biased point of view eventually so i know that none of this was to hurt me, so i shouldn't be upset. even if it happened in the process.. this event as hard as it may be... should be better for both of us in the long hall...

overit263

Mine did the same thing straight from rehab. It does sting, but you know what? It's a lot easier than him begging to have you take him back when you're not ready for that.

jjj111

Amber, it sounds like you don't really respect some of the choices your boyfriend has made. You can't control his choices, but you CAN decide they don't fit with what you are looking for in a relationship. You probably don't have much control over how your boyfriend lives his life, it's true. But as far as what you will accept in your own life, that is totally under your control!

If dating a man who lives with his parents doesn't appeal to you, or if you don't like being with someone who is emotionally numb and struggling with addiction, you can always decide to move on and look for a guy who lives on his own and is emotionally available. It's totally your call! Hugs!

amberrosejanusz

Yeah, it does bug me. I know it's better in the long run. I wouldn't want to chance the idea of him relapsing then is truly not be able to live with it. I love this guy too much to just leave him, I'm more invested in him than I've ever been with a guy. I normally don't attatch myself to men, but I did to him automatically. You're right I don't have a lot of control, I wish I did but I'm slowly letting go of that so I can be happier with myself. I'm not looking to date for a long time if we don't work out though but even as hard as it is I'm still sure well make it out of this struggling phase. I'm trying to take it one day at a time... It's just hard for me. I'm trying to take a step back when this happens and I'm trying my HARDEST to look at it in his perspective.