AgentP

Hello all-

I am a newby to this forum; found it by accident yesterday when I was researching if and how the liver regenerates...

I have been drinking wine for over 30 years now and mostly I drink way too much of it. The only time I didn't drink was when I smoked weed instead and later when I was pregnant and a little bit into the post partum period.

Most nights I'd drink anywhere from 1/3 to the whole bottle per night, with very few sober nights in between. I love, love, love that feeling of being mellow on it. It gets my creativity going, it makes raising my kids easier (it is the bonus after a hard day of parenting), it makes me funny, relaxed and happy! And it also ruins my liver and now I am scared of not seeing my grand kids. I also don't want my kids to grow up and see mom drinking. My oldest (a pre-teen) is already aware and has told me once not to drink when I opened up a bottle. I just lied straight to her face and told her that a glass of it is healthy; that it is not like drinking other alcohol...

So I have decided yesterday that it was my last bottle. Because I just can't do this to my body. Shouldn't do this to my body, and I sure don't want my kids to think that drinking is OK.

I have no idea how to get that feeling though - that relaxed, happy, floaty, creative feeling that is so different to the stressful and hectic life I am experiencing.

If I am honest I wish weed were legal and I could bake myself some special brownies - how's that for a junkie mind?

Happy (and scared) to be here,
AgentP

ejackson

AgentP, it's great to read your post. Now is a good time to step back and reflect. You and your family deserve it.

How to replace that relaxed, happy, floaty feeling? I remember it well. But I have found deep breathing exercises and yoga are beneficial. Frankly, just an evening walk around my neighborhood feels good. Try a few different strategies, and see what works for you.

hayley86

Welcome AgentP, i found that my life became much less chaotic when i got sober. I feel relaxed and peaceful now instead of stressed out and anxious. This is a wonderful place for support. Glad you have joined us.

AgentP

Thanks. Keep those strategy ideas coming folks. Coz' I need them. I really do. I am scared of slipping because I've never really gone without my little red helper for any longer period.

HeadLump

Believe me, that floaty feeling will come back and it will be a natural one and one which doesn't leave you guilt-ridden and worrying about your liver! You have to work at it, but there will be periods of time when you feel calm and in control and free.

I'm coming up to 9 months sober now. At the beginning I did worry that I'd never get that oaky, mellow Chardonnay float, but my sobriety was more important and, to be honest, when I was drinking any mellowness would be quickly overwhelmed by the need to ensure my next glass was waiting. . .

From about two months in I started noticing that I felt floaty and calm and was enjoying all aspects of my life far more.

It is so worth it, Agent

MidnightBlue

Hi, AgentP.

That's exactly my thoughts a year ago.

Though it will take some time, but it's absolutely possible to get this feeling without wine.

Just make the first step - do not drink today. And then tomorrow. And one day at a time.

Best wishes to you.

Toffee1

It's good that you recognise the damage that you are doing to yourself. For me that was one of the reasons I also wanted to quit. But I am now on day 37 and I love the other benefits of sobriety. There is no downside. Everything is good from having no more hangovers (what a relief ) to saving lots of money previously wasted on beer. You are about to lose a long term partner and so it is naturally to be a little apprehensive but don't be. You are about to meet a much better partner who will give back so much more to you. But be patient and give sobriety a chance to show how good it can be. Keep posting and let us know how your journey is going.

DoubleDragons

AgentP, I, too, do not want to lose the respect of my children and my future grandchildren. Seeing my mother do just that and my father-in-law (who died from alcohol related causes in his fifties), with their spirals into alcoholism, is one of the biggest drivers in my decision for sobriety. Unfortunately, no matter what good you do in the world, no matter what good you do in your relationships, those things are often overshadowed by people who disrespect and pity you because you are a drunk. Sad, but true.

least

to SR! It's good that you want to quit drinking. You've come to a great place for support in that goal.

Anna

We're all like that at the outset of recovery. Many of us have no clue how to deal with life without alcohol or drugs. But, we learn, and you can learn too. You will figure it out, you will find ways to cope and make it manageable. We're here to help.