KeepinItReal

I have been in such a dark place in my life. Moving, family breaking up, indecisiveness on whether I want to help my husband anymore. I don't want sympathy. This has been a place for me to vent my frustration of the constant and crazy cycle I live in because of MY choices.
I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm looking for answers that I don't believe are there. No one can tell me if giving him another chance and a 14 month inpatient will work. I have to go on faith. The sad part is, is that I do love him even while he's in his active addiction. The only part I really don't like is the lying and stealing that come along with it. Yet, it's a package deal.
Thank you everyone for listening... and not judging me by my past mistakes and choices. I am not a goodie-two shoes... just another recovering addict that happens to be in love with someone who can't seem to STICK to recovery.
Thank you all for listening. I have gone through the hardest months of my life from July until October. I finally have moved into my new apartment and have everything put away and my budget is all set. My kids seem happy (besides missing their father). I have gotten myself back onto a healthy way of eating and made a dozen Halloween cupcakes last night. I only ate 1.
Again, thank you all for listening, commenting and being there.

lizwig

Good for you Keepinitreal, I hear a lot of serenity and surrender in your post. You've come through a lot, have made some difficult but necessary decisions, and are looking towards your future regardless of the uncertainty that lies there. Give yourself a big high five!! Or a fist bump...whatever tells you "way to go!!"

I seem to reference quotes on here a lot (sorry to those of you who may be rolling their eyes!!) But I use quotes like mantras. Perhaps this will help you, I'm unsure of who originally said these words...

"I have accepted what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be".

Have a great day! And have a cupcake for me!

needingabreak

KIR, Just wanted to let you know I am here and listening whenever you want to vent. It sounds like you are hanging in there and doing well considering all you have endured. Cupcakes always help! Hope as time goes answers become clearer for you. Hugs.

Kindeyes

Keep being good to yourself and those kids. There is no shame in loving someone who is addicted.....even after all that we've gone through with them......there is often still love there. It's hard for some people to understand that even when we aren't in daily contact with our addicted loved one......it doesn't necessarily mean that we love them less. It simply means that we sometimes need to love them with a little a distance between us and them....and that's ok too. The most important thing is that we learn to manage our own lives and be good to ourselves.

Glad to hear that you're doing well and taking care of yourself and your children. Hmmmm.....a cupcake sounds good right now;-)

gentle hugs
ke

pravchaw

KIR, You will likely look back and say July to Oct 2013 was one of the most important periods of my life. We cannot change the past and we do not know the future - we make the best decisions in the present with the information, emotions, constraints and resources we have. Hope for the best but be prepared and protect your self if things do not turn out the way we hope.

blackandblue

KIR- Vent away! It helped me to vent. I like fortune cookies because they have random advice inside that don't come from another human being trying to get me to see the light. It's not unsolicited advice- you can choose to break the cookie open and read it or not. If I like the fortune inside, I take it as a sign. If I don't like it, I throw it away. I have a hundred fortunes stuck to my fridge now- not all from fortune cookies. Somedays, I read them and follow one of them and other days, I bypass them altogether. I have shaped my thinking based on what I accept and don't accept. Good luck with your move and whatever is next!