jade123

Anyone else here who only drank once or twice a week, but when they did, it's completely reckless and they have no self-control? That's how I abuse alcohol. Just curious if others were the same way because I've heard many people talk about drinking far more often than I seem to. Not that either is "safer" or "better" of course.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Jackie.

I was that way. Sometimes it even wasn't completely reckless, but still I ended up with way too more than "just one glass".

One of many masks of addiction.

jade123

Thanks for your reply. When friends invite me out, the first thing I want to know is what are we doing for the rest of the night. If someone wants to have a few drinks and then go do something sober after, I have to figure out A) what excuse I'll have for not drinking at all, because I won't want to stop and if I have to I will turn into a miserable person to be around or B) what excuse I'll make to cut the night short if I do drink, and head somewhere that I can continue to drink, even if it's alone. I can talk myself out of a drink if I'm sober at the moment, but once I have one or two, I will blow off anything in order to continue drinking.

LadyinBC

Once I have just one drink I am done, I won't stop because I don't want to. In fact I did go on binges that latest anywhere from 3 - 5 days. I would take a day off and then I was right back at it again for another 3 - 5 days. I also have blown off people, events, family, friends etc. just so that I could continue to drink. You definitely are not alone in this.

MidnightBlue

Jackie - no excuses necessary, actually. When I go out, say, for a dinner with friends who haven't seen me for a long time and a little bit surprised that I refuse a glass of nice wine and simply say: "I now feel much better without it". End of story. And completely true.

"what excuse I'll make to cut the night short if I do drink" -

do not drink. Playing with illusion that we can have one goes nowhere. Seriously. Been there a lot of times.

Best wishes to you.

jade123

I'm under no delusions that I can have just one. I know I can't. One drink might relax others but one drink causes my anxiety to go off the charts and makes my skin crawl. It makes me irritable and miserable to have one or two or three and then stop. I'd rather be sober. Yet I struggle with sobriety.

Ruturn

I drank that way for many years. Over time I got to where I drank daily. When I first started trying to quit I had another few years where I would be able to put together dry spells, but when I went back to the bottle most of them were for 2 or 3 days at a time. Then dry out and start over again. The progressive nature of the disease got me to where I couldn't control any part of it once I had that first drink.

Imabuleva

Hi Jackie,

I've always drank every night regardless of circumstances and regardless of the "reason" my beast gave me to do so. Recently, I picked up the habit of either guzzling everything I had or dumping the rest down the sink in shame only to return to the liquor store the next day.

But I have heard many stories of binge drinking once or twice a week on here, and the misery it has caused people. Everyone has a different relationship with alcohol, but binge drinking of any kind is unhealthy and probably detrimental to one's ambitions and goals.

Just my two cents.

Imabuleva

That sounds about right. One drink makes me feel slow, dumb, and anxious. Same with two or three or four on up to the point where I'm so bombed, the only thing I can do is pass out. And then morning comes and I feel like death, vow to never drink again, and end up at the liquor store when I get off work.

Vicious cycle.

LadyBlue0527

I was exactly the same. That was my way of "moderating" if you can believe it. I could only drink on Fridays and Saturdays and boy, wasn't my mission to fit in those two days what I had drank in an entire week previously? I was one big disaster and an embarrassment.

Binge drinking is equally as bad as drinking every day and sometimes worse depending on how much you drink. You're pouring poison into your body and then going through detox and withdrawal when your drinking days are over week after week after week.

I used to think "jeese, I'm not that bad, at least I only drink on Friday and Saturday!". I never knew exactly how sick I was and what I was doing to my body and mind until I quit. I thought that since I ended my drinking Saturday night and spent half the day in bed Sunday that I was recovering. Then, I would still kind of feel like crap Monday but less foggy. As the week progressed I thought that all the effects from alcohol were gone and I started over again on Friday.

I'll never forget after my third weekend of staying sober what happened. There was this strange focused clarity. Things that used to irritate me at work rolled right off my back. There was a weird sense of peace and contentment. Then I realized, this is my brain, my liver and insides, and my central nervous system beginning to heal. It was quite the feeling. Did I still feel like crap occasionally? On and off, sure, getting sober is a process.

However, if I had realized what feeling good is really like I would have done this looooooooong ago. I had no idea what I was putting my body through and how I never healed from the binges. I just thought I did because the hangover had dwindled.

I'm so thankful that it's over.

GeishaRunner

Jade123, I was like you too, in that I didn't drink every day, but when I did...I drank like there was no tomorrow. And I remember watching a documentary about it and binge drinking is said to be way worse than drinking daily; that it results in brain damage faster and more severe than non-stop, chronic drinkers.

Knowing this now, it's scary how I'd try and rationalize my "every couple of days" binging...and thinking to myself, "at least I don't drink every day". I was so foolish.

Stay strong, Jade.

FeenixxRising

That was me Jade. Every 7- 10 days I would drink, and every 7 - 10 days I would almost always end up falling down, blackout drunk. The days after were absolutely horrendous, both physically and mentally.

Notmyrealname

That's exactly how it was for me! .. for a while..

Pro-gres-sive - adj. - happening or developing gradually or in stages; proceeding step by step.

TomSawyer

Binge drinking was my style in college. Thursday through Saturday every night. I never thought I would become a day time drinker, I thought I was just like every other college student. But after a while, the hangovers from weekends of binge drinking just got worse and worse to the point of withdrawals. I'm only 25 and it's amazing how quickly the disease has progressed for me.

Ryno03272009

Binge drinking was definitely my way of drinking... I never understood just having a drink to have a drink - like normal people do. When I drank, I drank to party! Problem is... Others were not lije that and just one or two slow drinks was ok for them.

Things Got to the point with me when I knew i was going out with people who only drank one or two drinks I would drink a 6er or 12 before I even met up with them. Then... I could have just one or two drinks like them (as far as they could tell) but still enjoy being buzzed or drunk when just a few drinks wouldnt even touch me.

LadyBlue0527

Yes, it amazes me how quickly it progresses in the latter stages too. It took me years to go from simply being able to enjoy alcohol to where I would get cranky if I didn't have it. Once I passed through that doorway the downhill progression spiraled. That's when I started trying to quit. At first it was the blackouts, and the denial in between. I accused my husband of trying to make up things that I did just to prove to me that I have a problem. Then he videotaped me with his Iphone. That didn't go over too well. The stages progress quickly.

I would say that I was borderline allowing myself to take a drink in the morning to even myself out. I had done it once previously and never allowed it again, I made myself deal with the pain of what I had done.

All by binge drinking. So if there's anyone who wants to say "I don't drink every day" and feel good about it don't kid yourself.

DoubleDragons

I came to this site bragging about my ability to limit my drinking to just the weekends. I came to SR looking for information about my mom's drinking. TG, some of you called me out on my BS. What I thought was moderate drinking, really was still out of control. I looked back at some of my journals written over the summer, recently and I was shocked to see how many times I complained of "hangovers" or "too much wine." (and this was during a time that I truly believed that I had a handle on my drinking. Ha!)

Woohoo

I also binge drink and do not do it everyday..i got two maybe three days in between and try to say oh i am ok..i feel better. But, the nervousness, aniexty and guilt show different. I also have read the binge drinking and withdrawal is worse than drinking everyday, but none of it is healthy. I find myself getting depressed and irriatated at nothing. So not worth it! I am back to SR to try to find my path of sobriety again. I was doing good and felt so much better. Alcohol for me isn't a one or two drink. I would rather not even have it..because that does nothing for me. I drank to feel nothing. Now my soul is crying out please I want to feel everything and I want to be healthy doing it.

Thanks for sharing everyone it has helped me see myself in so many of your stories. I am on day 2 again

minouminou

This is EXACTLY how I felt after one drink. I'm an alcoholic (with 103-ish days sober now). If you would rather be sober, you are heading in the right direction by doing some investigating, asking questions, and looking honestly at your drinking habits. That's a great start. Maybe next you could check out a meeting? As they (we) say in AA, "if you want to drink, that's your business, but if you DON'T want to drink, that's our business."

jade123

I started this thread on Friday night/Saturday morning around 2am. I like to stay up late (even just doing sober things like reading, surfing the web, drawing etc.) but that night I ended up going out and binge drinking all over again. And it was worse than usual. No one I knew was around but I went to 2 bars anyway. I fell on my face trying to leave the second one, on the sidewalk, in front of the bar, by myself, heading to my car. Then I drove home and drank quite a bit more. I had gone out at 7pm and had drank until 9am. I still feel like garbage today from it. I wasted all of Sunday sleeping until the night. When I did get up I was shaky and nauseas and felt like I was going to have a panic attack.

I was really itching to go back out again tonight. But I didn't. I like to think that I'm less dependent on it than this. I felt like crap all day today from Saturday night's fiasco and yet I wanted to go back out again tonight. That's a fairly new development, only in the past few months have I started itching to do it again while still hungover.

Tomorrow will be the real challenge. Usually Tuesdays are hard for me. I guess they come right when I'm feeling "better enough" for that anxiety to kick in. I'm so tired of doing this. I'm so tired of talking about it and failing.