Scared Straight after Horrific Withdrawals
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: san francisco, ca
Posts: 130
Scared Straight after Horrific Withdrawals
Good evening,
I just feel the need to share after 2 weeks sober today. I went through a four day binge after one drunk night in blackout I lost my computer, ended up walking down some industrial road with a stranger and tried sleeping behind an apartment complex wall on the ground because I was too drunk to even figure out how to call a cab (my phone was dead). It was a nightmare evening and things had not been that bad in years to this degree. Normally I will feel embarrassed the day after etc, but this night was epic.
Little did I know the nightmare had just begun for me. Because I felt so crappy about the night before, I drank the next day, hardly ate any food and the next morning felt worse, drank more. I'm only 135 lbs and 5' 10" so I dont have to drink copious amounts, 3 or 4 glasses of wine sends me straight to the dark side.
Four days later I woke up and said to myself "ok, this has to stop". I didnt drink for a few hours and began to get the shakes so bad that I had to have a beer to take the edge off. That night I didn't sleep AT ALL. The next day my right leg was shaking uncontrollably like someone grabbed my foot and shook it violently. I was seeing double. My hands and feet were tingling for days. I called a med emergency center for detox. They said to taper off slowly if I wasnt willing to do detox. I thought it would go away with some sleep, it never did. Four days after, I was unable to walk. The muscles in my legs gave out on me in the shower. I had night sweats that literally soaked the bed and horrific nightmares. Finally day four I went into Emergency care, I was on the verge of a seizure or a heart attack and I'm not even a steady drinker. I promised myself if I lived I would never drink again, so far I have made good on that promise. I am soooo thankful to be alive.
Also, someone on a post last week mentioned something about the 'kindling effect' Does anyone know about this and also I would love some shares on any withdrawal stories you might have. That was my first (and hopefully last ever)
withdrawal situation. I only had your typical hangovers before that...
The thought of drinking now SCARES ME SO MUCH because I feel I got a true taste of what HELL is...I cannot risk going back there, I don;t think I'd survive...
Please share you stories if you wish It helps me to hear them...
Thank you for letting me share here.
Shay
I just feel the need to share after 2 weeks sober today. I went through a four day binge after one drunk night in blackout I lost my computer, ended up walking down some industrial road with a stranger and tried sleeping behind an apartment complex wall on the ground because I was too drunk to even figure out how to call a cab (my phone was dead). It was a nightmare evening and things had not been that bad in years to this degree. Normally I will feel embarrassed the day after etc, but this night was epic.
Little did I know the nightmare had just begun for me. Because I felt so crappy about the night before, I drank the next day, hardly ate any food and the next morning felt worse, drank more. I'm only 135 lbs and 5' 10" so I dont have to drink copious amounts, 3 or 4 glasses of wine sends me straight to the dark side.
Four days later I woke up and said to myself "ok, this has to stop". I didnt drink for a few hours and began to get the shakes so bad that I had to have a beer to take the edge off. That night I didn't sleep AT ALL. The next day my right leg was shaking uncontrollably like someone grabbed my foot and shook it violently. I was seeing double. My hands and feet were tingling for days. I called a med emergency center for detox. They said to taper off slowly if I wasnt willing to do detox. I thought it would go away with some sleep, it never did. Four days after, I was unable to walk. The muscles in my legs gave out on me in the shower. I had night sweats that literally soaked the bed and horrific nightmares. Finally day four I went into Emergency care, I was on the verge of a seizure or a heart attack and I'm not even a steady drinker. I promised myself if I lived I would never drink again, so far I have made good on that promise. I am soooo thankful to be alive.
Also, someone on a post last week mentioned something about the 'kindling effect' Does anyone know about this and also I would love some shares on any withdrawal stories you might have. That was my first (and hopefully last ever)
withdrawal situation. I only had your typical hangovers before that...
The thought of drinking now SCARES ME SO MUCH because I feel I got a true taste of what HELL is...I cannot risk going back there, I don;t think I'd survive...
Please share you stories if you wish It helps me to hear them...
Thank you for letting me share here.
Shay
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Remember this feeling of horror. Believe it or not, it is too easily forgotten. My story isn't as horrific as yours, but it was enough for me to check myself into a detox facility and then follow up with intensive outpatient treatment and spend some time in one-on-one therapy.
I truly hope this is your wake-up call and you never forget that taste of HELL.
I truly hope this is your wake-up call and you never forget that taste of HELL.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Albuquerque NM
Posts: 147
Yeesh that is a wild withdraw story...
My worst was I was at work, had drank and drank and not eaten all day and my arms, my tummy, my legs were just numb. I left work on a gurney by medical staff and all the employees present at the time pretty much all learned about my alcohol abuse.
I am even having a "recovery" night this evening tapering off with beer because of a rotten, hungover day at work today.
I just better get it together soon. Going to the ER and such. Thats why I keep coming to SR. I need to read stories of others because I feel so alone with my isolation, my money, and my craving for beer.
My worst was I was at work, had drank and drank and not eaten all day and my arms, my tummy, my legs were just numb. I left work on a gurney by medical staff and all the employees present at the time pretty much all learned about my alcohol abuse.
I am even having a "recovery" night this evening tapering off with beer because of a rotten, hungover day at work today.
I just better get it together soon. Going to the ER and such. Thats why I keep coming to SR. I need to read stories of others because I feel so alone with my isolation, my money, and my craving for beer.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
A Google search on "kindling effect" brought this. Hope it helps...
The Kindling Effect of Addiction
The Kindling Effect of addiction and alcoholism is a progressive problem that addicts and alcoholics experience after multiple relapses. In simple terms, the kindling effect can be stated as the worsening of symptoms related to Acute Withdrawal and Post Acute Withdrawal, with progressive relapses that ultimately result in a higher propensity for a future, more severe return to drug or alcohol use. This is critical to understand in order to help addicts get clean and stay clean and prevent the kindling effect altogether.
To understand the kindling effect, you must first understand what happens to a person when they become addicted to a substance and then subsequently stop using. First, Acute Withdrawal Syndrome sets in within 12 to 24 hours of the last use of the drug in question (including alcohol). Symptoms of AWS include insomnia, severe drug cravings, anxiety, depression, physical discomfort and in some cases, seizure, pulmonary complications, and even coma and death. All of these symptoms are a result of neuronal hyperactivity as the brain and central nervous system “withdraw” from the drug and eventually return to a state of normalcy.
Once the process of physically withdrawing from a substance – known as Detoxing – is complete, recovering addicts generally feel much better and are able to function somewhat normally again. However, soon after symptoms of Post Acute Withdrawal will likely set in, causing another entire set of physical, mental and emotional problems that can drive some addicts to return to drugs as means of self-medication.
The kindling effect refers to the progressive worsening of acute withdrawal, post acute withdrawal, and relapses. In general, symptoms are worse each time an addict relapses. They suffer more pronounced and longer lasting symptoms during detox, their PAWS symptoms are more severe, and each progressive relapse is worse than the last.
The kindling effect is not entirely understood, but many experts in the field of addiction have speculated that it is the result of overly sensitive neurons. Neurons that service addictive behavior are permanent once developed and cause powerful cravings. With each progressive relapse these neurons become more and more hypersensitive. This means that even small triggers can cause an immediate return to aggressive drug use. In an article for ScienceBlog, a team of prominent researchers write;
“”Kindling” occurs when the nervous system develops increased sensitivity to a stimulus such as withdrawal from alcohol. When a nerve cell is repeatedly exposed to a stimulus that is initially too small to cause full nerve excitement, it can become more sensitive, or kindled, to the stimulus and begin to react at lower thresholds. This sensitivity persists over time and can become stronger with continued exposure to the stimulus.”
When addicts do relapse, the kindling effect tends to cause each episode to be worse than the last. Addicts troubled by the kindling effect will return to using more quickly, use more heavily and for longer than each time before. While this may not be true for every person in every case, it does seem to be a pattern that warrants serious attention, because each new time an addict uses could be their last. The risks are simply too high.
The Kindling Effect of Addiction
The Kindling Effect of addiction and alcoholism is a progressive problem that addicts and alcoholics experience after multiple relapses. In simple terms, the kindling effect can be stated as the worsening of symptoms related to Acute Withdrawal and Post Acute Withdrawal, with progressive relapses that ultimately result in a higher propensity for a future, more severe return to drug or alcohol use. This is critical to understand in order to help addicts get clean and stay clean and prevent the kindling effect altogether.
To understand the kindling effect, you must first understand what happens to a person when they become addicted to a substance and then subsequently stop using. First, Acute Withdrawal Syndrome sets in within 12 to 24 hours of the last use of the drug in question (including alcohol). Symptoms of AWS include insomnia, severe drug cravings, anxiety, depression, physical discomfort and in some cases, seizure, pulmonary complications, and even coma and death. All of these symptoms are a result of neuronal hyperactivity as the brain and central nervous system “withdraw” from the drug and eventually return to a state of normalcy.
Once the process of physically withdrawing from a substance – known as Detoxing – is complete, recovering addicts generally feel much better and are able to function somewhat normally again. However, soon after symptoms of Post Acute Withdrawal will likely set in, causing another entire set of physical, mental and emotional problems that can drive some addicts to return to drugs as means of self-medication.
The kindling effect refers to the progressive worsening of acute withdrawal, post acute withdrawal, and relapses. In general, symptoms are worse each time an addict relapses. They suffer more pronounced and longer lasting symptoms during detox, their PAWS symptoms are more severe, and each progressive relapse is worse than the last.
The kindling effect is not entirely understood, but many experts in the field of addiction have speculated that it is the result of overly sensitive neurons. Neurons that service addictive behavior are permanent once developed and cause powerful cravings. With each progressive relapse these neurons become more and more hypersensitive. This means that even small triggers can cause an immediate return to aggressive drug use. In an article for ScienceBlog, a team of prominent researchers write;
“”Kindling” occurs when the nervous system develops increased sensitivity to a stimulus such as withdrawal from alcohol. When a nerve cell is repeatedly exposed to a stimulus that is initially too small to cause full nerve excitement, it can become more sensitive, or kindled, to the stimulus and begin to react at lower thresholds. This sensitivity persists over time and can become stronger with continued exposure to the stimulus.”
When addicts do relapse, the kindling effect tends to cause each episode to be worse than the last. Addicts troubled by the kindling effect will return to using more quickly, use more heavily and for longer than each time before. While this may not be true for every person in every case, it does seem to be a pattern that warrants serious attention, because each new time an addict uses could be their last. The risks are simply too high.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NW
Posts: 96
my first horrific withdrawl was back in march of this year. My wife had left for a few weeks and I was not working at the time so I lost control and I drank all day every day for weeks on end. When I quit cold turkey I was shaking sweating couldn't sleep seeing double for days on end. It wasn't till five days after I new I was going to be ok. The last one was in September I went on another bender for about three weeks same thing. Drank all day every day with no food. I had started to see a counselor about my drinking problem so I new how bad it was to quit cold turkey so I went to the E R got detox meds then went to my family doctor the next day to start the process for rehab, which I couldn't get into because my insurance company deemed me able to be sober with out 24 hour care, and more detox meds. My blood pressure was through the roof and she also put me on meds for that because she was scared that I was going to have a stroke. That one scared me straight and I havn't had a drink since. 30 days today and I feel better than I have had in years. The meds helped greatly. I don't think I could have stayed away if I didn't have them. After days of feeling like **** the first time I started to drink again just to feel normal.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi Shay, I'm happy to hear that you are sober. I had bad sweats, auditory hallucinations and full-body spasms when I withdrew. I never want to go thru that again either. The best thing is to accept that you cannot drink. I'm over 3 years sober and life is sweet. Very best wishes to you. Keep going dear. 
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
You have your own story. Write it down on paper with a pen or pencil and keep it safe. Refer to Your Story when an urge hits you. All that stuff we drank over and thought we had numbed was just pushed deep inside of us and it will come out....this is often why people don't stay stopped. We hate to feel that stuff.
Stay strong, stay stopped, move forward! Maybe try a method of recovery, too.
Stick around SR! I haven't had a drink and I do come here daily to read the forums or to hang out in the chat room for support.
With love and hugs,
~SB
Stay strong, stay stopped, move forward! Maybe try a method of recovery, too.
Stick around SR! I haven't had a drink and I do come here daily to read the forums or to hang out in the chat room for support.
With love and hugs,
~SB
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Kindling. Yes. My last episode with alcohol involved about a bottle and a half of Chardonnay. That's it. Not what I would consider TOO extreme as far as amount. I also ate a hearty dinner with it. And the drinking spanned over the course of about 5 hours. I hadn't had a drink for 3 weeks prior.
Next day was typical in its anxiety, feeling off, headache, sleep as much as I can, blah blah.
But days 2-5 ? Those were awful. Just awful. Inexplicable depression (and I was at a beach), anxiety that was unparalleled with any prior withdrawal, muscle twitching, flashes of light, and numbness and tingling at various places in my body ( concentrated mainly in my hands and feet). Sweating and shaking. For days on end. For 1.5 bottles of wine on a full stomach over 5 hours. Think about that.
But what frightened me even more, is when the cravings started to come back around day 5 or 6, they came back with an unprecedented desire to drink around the clock. Something I have never done. In my mind, I thought, if I start drinking, I likely will NEVER stop.
And for a few moments, I was ok with that.
That's how much and how bad the addiction had taken over driving the bus. I know, full well, that my periodic episodes of a few bottles one night, after a month or two of abstinence, has gone to place I will likely not return from.
But I made it through, fought like hell and didn't give in. It was the hardest thing I've done including child birth.
I can NEVER drink again.
Next day was typical in its anxiety, feeling off, headache, sleep as much as I can, blah blah.
But days 2-5 ? Those were awful. Just awful. Inexplicable depression (and I was at a beach), anxiety that was unparalleled with any prior withdrawal, muscle twitching, flashes of light, and numbness and tingling at various places in my body ( concentrated mainly in my hands and feet). Sweating and shaking. For days on end. For 1.5 bottles of wine on a full stomach over 5 hours. Think about that.
But what frightened me even more, is when the cravings started to come back around day 5 or 6, they came back with an unprecedented desire to drink around the clock. Something I have never done. In my mind, I thought, if I start drinking, I likely will NEVER stop.
And for a few moments, I was ok with that.
That's how much and how bad the addiction had taken over driving the bus. I know, full well, that my periodic episodes of a few bottles one night, after a month or two of abstinence, has gone to place I will likely not return from.
But I made it through, fought like hell and didn't give in. It was the hardest thing I've done including child birth.
I can NEVER drink again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
I just got a year, but I remember withdrawing very well because I did it a lot. I had the shakes, racing heart, sweating, nausea, and EXTREME anxiety.
For me the anxiety is the worst part. It is like alcohol sets my nerves on fire. I don't know if was because I KNEW I wasn't supposed to drink coupled with extreme guilt, but the last time I felt like I was going insane.
That is what alcohol does for me and that is why I don't drink now.
For me the anxiety is the worst part. It is like alcohol sets my nerves on fire. I don't know if was because I KNEW I wasn't supposed to drink coupled with extreme guilt, but the last time I felt like I was going insane.
That is what alcohol does for me and that is why I don't drink now.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
I had a horrible final withdrawal, DTs and all, that put me in a coma and almost killed me.
That scared feeling kept me sober for my first few months. And while it's still somewhat fresh in my mind (hard to forget, considering I have scars all over my arms and hands from all the IVs and nightmares/flashbacks on a regular basis), those feelings of fear do start to fade. The voice in my head still creeps up on me and lies to me, telling me that that was just a one time deal and that I could drink again "the right way."
So that's why you need to develop a plan for sobriety now. So when the memories aren't all misery and pain, you will have other tools to keep you sober. Personally, I threw myself into AA. Meetings every day, sponsor, home group, service, etc. It's been working wonders for me.
But if AA isn't your thing (and you won't really know until you give it a fair shot), find SOMETHING besides the fear, be it a secular program, addiction therapy, whatever. You need to build that foundation now because fear won't keep you sober forever.
Good luck!
That scared feeling kept me sober for my first few months. And while it's still somewhat fresh in my mind (hard to forget, considering I have scars all over my arms and hands from all the IVs and nightmares/flashbacks on a regular basis), those feelings of fear do start to fade. The voice in my head still creeps up on me and lies to me, telling me that that was just a one time deal and that I could drink again "the right way."
So that's why you need to develop a plan for sobriety now. So when the memories aren't all misery and pain, you will have other tools to keep you sober. Personally, I threw myself into AA. Meetings every day, sponsor, home group, service, etc. It's been working wonders for me.
But if AA isn't your thing (and you won't really know until you give it a fair shot), find SOMETHING besides the fear, be it a secular program, addiction therapy, whatever. You need to build that foundation now because fear won't keep you sober forever.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi shay, and welcome! That was a nasty withdrawal you went through but, as others have said, you never have to do it again.
I didn't know the term "kindling" when I stopped and started the last time but it is absolutely true (or was for me) that it gets much, much worse. Like AO's story above, I had quit for about a month or so, gotten through the shakes/sweats/involuntary leg spasms/etc. and was starting to feel better. I then decided to have "a glass" of wine one night. That led to about six over the course of about three hours (which used to be nothing for me---I was a two bottle a night girl, at least). Needless to say, I got blackout drunk after about the third glass and proceeded to detox over the next day so badly that I drank just to stop the shakes (this was during a work trip, nonetheless).
Then that insatiable desire to keep drinking and drinking and drinking came on full strength. I had never, ever experienced that before. The cravings were incredible and almost painful in their intensity. I also had the keen sense that if I did indeed give into them, I was likely going to drink myself into the hospital or much worse.
Scared the sh!t out of me. Alcohol, until that point, was an obsession for half my day. After that it became a 24/7 obsession. I would wake up wanting it at 4AM.
I am just over eight months sober now. It wasn't a cakewalk but it is possible and I am here to tell you it is so much better. I never, ever want that demon in my head again.
Stick around and good luck to you!!
I didn't know the term "kindling" when I stopped and started the last time but it is absolutely true (or was for me) that it gets much, much worse. Like AO's story above, I had quit for about a month or so, gotten through the shakes/sweats/involuntary leg spasms/etc. and was starting to feel better. I then decided to have "a glass" of wine one night. That led to about six over the course of about three hours (which used to be nothing for me---I was a two bottle a night girl, at least). Needless to say, I got blackout drunk after about the third glass and proceeded to detox over the next day so badly that I drank just to stop the shakes (this was during a work trip, nonetheless).
Then that insatiable desire to keep drinking and drinking and drinking came on full strength. I had never, ever experienced that before. The cravings were incredible and almost painful in their intensity. I also had the keen sense that if I did indeed give into them, I was likely going to drink myself into the hospital or much worse.
Scared the sh!t out of me. Alcohol, until that point, was an obsession for half my day. After that it became a 24/7 obsession. I would wake up wanting it at 4AM.
I am just over eight months sober now. It wasn't a cakewalk but it is possible and I am here to tell you it is so much better. I never, ever want that demon in my head again.
Stick around and good luck to you!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: san francisco, ca
Posts: 130
Thanks to each & every one of you that posted!
It's so helpful to read your stories and feedback as well.
Digdug, you're absolutely right that eventually the fear won't be what keeps me sober. I'm working on building a foundation which will help me through the bumps.
Speaking of bumps, I just had my first paddle boarding experience today in Sausalito, CA on Richardson Bay. It takes a while to get the confidence to stand up and balance and then once you do you build your confidence standing. There were seals and dolphins, it was amazing. But then as the boats pass by they create waves and ripples and if you're over confident you will fall in, so you have to stand firmly and solidly to stay upright. This was speaking as a metaphor in my personal life and I'm sure others can relate.
I thought perhaps I could become addicted to paddle boarding and be reminded every day. Gosh, it's so freeing and beautiful to be out on the water like that. My friend was hungover and miserable. I was fresh as a daisy, clear-minded and felt a sense of freedom and joy that has long eluded me...
Enjoy this beautiful Saturday everyone and thank you all for being here!
Shayxx
It's so helpful to read your stories and feedback as well.
Digdug, you're absolutely right that eventually the fear won't be what keeps me sober. I'm working on building a foundation which will help me through the bumps.
Speaking of bumps, I just had my first paddle boarding experience today in Sausalito, CA on Richardson Bay. It takes a while to get the confidence to stand up and balance and then once you do you build your confidence standing. There were seals and dolphins, it was amazing. But then as the boats pass by they create waves and ripples and if you're over confident you will fall in, so you have to stand firmly and solidly to stay upright. This was speaking as a metaphor in my personal life and I'm sure others can relate.
I thought perhaps I could become addicted to paddle boarding and be reminded every day. Gosh, it's so freeing and beautiful to be out on the water like that. My friend was hungover and miserable. I was fresh as a daisy, clear-minded and felt a sense of freedom and joy that has long eluded me...
Enjoy this beautiful Saturday everyone and thank you all for being here!
Shayxx
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