Feel strong with no recovery program
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 9
Feel strong with no recovery program
I just wanted to share my experience and see if anyone has felt the same.
I got a DUI a couple years and decided to quit drinking. I drank for about a month after the DUI and stopped for three months. But then I had to take a DUI education course and attend AA and started drinking again. After the course I drank for awhile and mainly managed to keep my blackouts to once a week. I was constantly reading the big book, going to smart recovery, and obsessing over not drinking again. Its all I thought about, and I always ended up relapsing.
Finally, early last Summer I said screw it, I'd rather drink myself to death than attend AA because it just freaked me out and made me feel depressed and horrible.
When I left AA I just went about my life, and I never drank again, or really thought about it at all. I quit having any real cravings. I really just quit thinking about not drinking. I just didn't drink or think about it. I found a gf, told her I don't drink, and really feel in control. I have no pressure to drink and it is not a problem right now.
I honestly feel that AA, and SMART, just made me feel that I couldn't be happy on my own, or make it not drinking on my own. All I did was obsess over not drinking and end up drinking and craving more and more. I'd see people fail in AA and SMART and I'd become convinced I'd fail. And in AA there were always many people at the meeting, but very few people were there for any period of time and I always felt doomed.
Does anyone think that working a program does more harm than good. I needed that initial break from alcohol, but after that I really needed to just not think about it.
However, I am not sure how it would be if I had to be around alcohol constantly . I am around drinkers, but its a small part of my life.
I got a DUI a couple years and decided to quit drinking. I drank for about a month after the DUI and stopped for three months. But then I had to take a DUI education course and attend AA and started drinking again. After the course I drank for awhile and mainly managed to keep my blackouts to once a week. I was constantly reading the big book, going to smart recovery, and obsessing over not drinking again. Its all I thought about, and I always ended up relapsing.
Finally, early last Summer I said screw it, I'd rather drink myself to death than attend AA because it just freaked me out and made me feel depressed and horrible.
When I left AA I just went about my life, and I never drank again, or really thought about it at all. I quit having any real cravings. I really just quit thinking about not drinking. I just didn't drink or think about it. I found a gf, told her I don't drink, and really feel in control. I have no pressure to drink and it is not a problem right now.
I honestly feel that AA, and SMART, just made me feel that I couldn't be happy on my own, or make it not drinking on my own. All I did was obsess over not drinking and end up drinking and craving more and more. I'd see people fail in AA and SMART and I'd become convinced I'd fail. And in AA there were always many people at the meeting, but very few people were there for any period of time and I always felt doomed.
Does anyone think that working a program does more harm than good. I needed that initial break from alcohol, but after that I really needed to just not think about it.
However, I am not sure how it would be if I had to be around alcohol constantly . I am around drinkers, but its a small part of my life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,411
I basically quit with no external support at all, stayed quit for nearly two years, and had really not thought about drinking / sobriety dates, etc. until last month when I decided to see if I could drink moderately. I could not despite doing well the first few times.
So I had to do the whole withdrawal thing over and am going to have 30 days tomorrow. This time I decided to read and post on SR, but have done nothing else as far as recovery programs. After the physical discomfort, I am not thinking about relapse at all and will be moving on with my life and spending less time on SR as I try to put this relapse behind me and more forward with life. I don't want to focus on drinking or not drinking, but on creating a happy sober life.
I'm not a program type person and for me I would feel unhappy and constrained in meetings of any type. However, I respect how much so many people have been helped by the various programs so I guess everyone is just different. Maybe some people just prefer doing it on their own so for them maybe a program might be harmful.
My bottom line from all of this is that one should try various approaches and not give up until they find something that works. Good job on your quitting!
So I had to do the whole withdrawal thing over and am going to have 30 days tomorrow. This time I decided to read and post on SR, but have done nothing else as far as recovery programs. After the physical discomfort, I am not thinking about relapse at all and will be moving on with my life and spending less time on SR as I try to put this relapse behind me and more forward with life. I don't want to focus on drinking or not drinking, but on creating a happy sober life.
I'm not a program type person and for me I would feel unhappy and constrained in meetings of any type. However, I respect how much so many people have been helped by the various programs so I guess everyone is just different. Maybe some people just prefer doing it on their own so for them maybe a program might be harmful.
My bottom line from all of this is that one should try various approaches and not give up until they find something that works. Good job on your quitting!
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I've played this game with myself many times where I wonder if I think quitting is difficult because I have been taught that it's difficult. I mean, all you have to do is not pick up the next drink. I've never succeeded at it for long, but that it.
I think there are many people like you who identify that drinking is causing a problem or that they simply want to quit and do so. However, I think there are also many people who benefit from a program because they have underlying issues to deal with or simply need the support.
I think it is all about finding what works for you. However, I firmly believe that once sobriety is secured that a person needs to start building the other parts of their life they have neglected for so long.
I think there are many people like you who identify that drinking is causing a problem or that they simply want to quit and do so. However, I think there are also many people who benefit from a program because they have underlying issues to deal with or simply need the support.
I think it is all about finding what works for you. However, I firmly believe that once sobriety is secured that a person needs to start building the other parts of their life they have neglected for so long.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Eco, that is fantastic, and congratulations to you! Glad to see you here and making yourself heard. Every voice that can relate their experience in sobriety will help someone else and yours just might be the one that someone else needs to hear today.
I told myself that I needed to quit, that I would be foolish not to, and that I was going to do it, no matter what. I didn't find my answer to alcoholism in AA either, and found the meetings to be unhelpful. The message of powerlessness and helplessness I found to be repugnant - I was looking for ways to strengthen my outlook and self confidence, not made to feel incomplete, incompetent and impotent.
Underlying issues, when they exist, are better handled by trained counsellors, clergy or doctors, I feel. And when that freedom from addiction is finally found, life needs to be permitted to fill the void.
I am saddened to read that folks come believe in their helplessness rather than their worth and ability. We can achieve so much if we can believe in ourselves.
I told myself that I needed to quit, that I would be foolish not to, and that I was going to do it, no matter what. I didn't find my answer to alcoholism in AA either, and found the meetings to be unhelpful. The message of powerlessness and helplessness I found to be repugnant - I was looking for ways to strengthen my outlook and self confidence, not made to feel incomplete, incompetent and impotent.
Underlying issues, when they exist, are better handled by trained counsellors, clergy or doctors, I feel. And when that freedom from addiction is finally found, life needs to be permitted to fill the void.
I am saddened to read that folks come believe in their helplessness rather than their worth and ability. We can achieve so much if we can believe in ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
The power struggle and the every day fight 'drink or don't' that floored me too. It was far too intense - I couldn't keep up with that fight.
It's so much easier when you just 'don't ever and will never' it's like stating any other fact. Water is wet. I don't drink. Simple lol water is always going to be wet and I'm always going to not drink
Powerlessness just didn't wash with me either - it was insulting to my whole existence and if I was to allow those types of thoughts to manifest in me now - I'd probably be back to drinking tomorrow. Don't even entertain it. It's the 2year old inside stamping her feet lol
I'm glad you found what works for you - I'm glad that you told us your story and as FS said your story will undoubtedly be exactly what someone needs to read to help them. I always like to be reminded so thank you. Keep up your kick ass attitude!!!
It's so much easier when you just 'don't ever and will never' it's like stating any other fact. Water is wet. I don't drink. Simple lol water is always going to be wet and I'm always going to not drink
Powerlessness just didn't wash with me either - it was insulting to my whole existence and if I was to allow those types of thoughts to manifest in me now - I'd probably be back to drinking tomorrow. Don't even entertain it. It's the 2year old inside stamping her feet lol
I'm glad you found what works for you - I'm glad that you told us your story and as FS said your story will undoubtedly be exactly what someone needs to read to help them. I always like to be reminded so thank you. Keep up your kick ass attitude!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Just want to add about being constantly around drink. Before now basically my whole scene was centred around drinking - my friends - everything was balanced on top of alcohol.
I still have these friends but I'm learning to be assertive and draw those lines. I don't mind if people drink but they must respect me too and if after a certain amount of time they can't or won't allow me my boundaries then I'm going to be distancing myself. And it's really ok to do that.
I still have these friends but I'm learning to be assertive and draw those lines. I don't mind if people drink but they must respect me too and if after a certain amount of time they can't or won't allow me my boundaries then I'm going to be distancing myself. And it's really ok to do that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Ireland.
Posts: 238
Hey Eco,
I have just passed the four month mark 2 days ago. Like yourself & others AA didn't fit for me so I had to move on and find something else or some other way. I attend lifering meetings sometimes & I find they are really helpful. No programme, no dogma, no one size fits all. One is encouraged to find what works for them & seek support if needed in order to keep the wheels turning so to speak. Very little talk about actual drinking is done, instead it's more about how life is going for you now that you don't drink anymore. Drinking is past tense, not drinking is present tense.
I did attend AA myself years ago & did stay sober in there for a considerable amount of time, not sure if I'd put it down to anything other than my own efforts though,, I just saw it differently back then or rather, was taught to see it differently.
One thing I used to wonder was, was happened to all those people who came into the meetings, stayed for one or two & never came back. It was assumed they went off out & drank themselves to death,, I'm sure many like yourself though just said " that's not for me ",, and got on with living their lives sober & free.
I have just passed the four month mark 2 days ago. Like yourself & others AA didn't fit for me so I had to move on and find something else or some other way. I attend lifering meetings sometimes & I find they are really helpful. No programme, no dogma, no one size fits all. One is encouraged to find what works for them & seek support if needed in order to keep the wheels turning so to speak. Very little talk about actual drinking is done, instead it's more about how life is going for you now that you don't drink anymore. Drinking is past tense, not drinking is present tense.
I did attend AA myself years ago & did stay sober in there for a considerable amount of time, not sure if I'd put it down to anything other than my own efforts though,, I just saw it differently back then or rather, was taught to see it differently.
One thing I used to wonder was, was happened to all those people who came into the meetings, stayed for one or two & never came back. It was assumed they went off out & drank themselves to death,, I'm sure many like yourself though just said " that's not for me ",, and got on with living their lives sober & free.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
I quit on my own, hated AA. I haven't had a drink since Aug 1, 2008. People in my house drink and occasionally attend parties where there is drinking. Every once in a while when at a party, I think- I'll just have a glass of wine- and then quickly say...NOPE- I'm not going backwards only forward.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
No 'program' for me, just AVRT and a new understanding that my drinking will continue on a predestined trajectory if I ever start again. AVRT discourages participation in "recoveryism" as a movement; while it may work for some it isn't for me. I don't spend time thinking about not drinking or willpower or whatever, I just don't drink and I live my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
AVRT definitely is enough for me. However, I can see where others like going to the meetings and all that if for no other reason than to make non-drinking friends. However, the idea of powerlessness absolutely would lead me to my next drink.
Jess
Jess
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
My sentiments exactly in regards to "powerless". I have always considered that a form of weakness, a attribute undesirable to combat alcoholism. To simply not think about whether to drink or not drink seems to hold a powerful key to addiction. In the past, I have noticed my greatest degree of success in abstinence was linked to this non-action. I just need to put this in to practice again.
Thx, Hawkeye13 and MythofSisyphus for reminding me of this.
Thx, Hawkeye13 and MythofSisyphus for reminding me of this.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I have 4 long term attempts, this being the longest. I'm now at 5 months.
I've done SMART and AA. I've used this board. I've tried it alone.
Even though there are some downfalls I'm thankful for everything I've tried because I've gained some really good knowledge from each. Some say you can't pick and choose, it's either all or nothing and that the program won't work if you don't devote yourself entirely. For me that's not been true. I've developed tools that are comprised of pieces of each. Every single tool has it's own importance and it's been the combination that's led me to success this time.
eco, I'm happy that you're doing well. We all have to find our own road and it looks like you've done just that!
I've done SMART and AA. I've used this board. I've tried it alone.
Even though there are some downfalls I'm thankful for everything I've tried because I've gained some really good knowledge from each. Some say you can't pick and choose, it's either all or nothing and that the program won't work if you don't devote yourself entirely. For me that's not been true. I've developed tools that are comprised of pieces of each. Every single tool has it's own importance and it's been the combination that's led me to success this time.
eco, I'm happy that you're doing well. We all have to find our own road and it looks like you've done just that!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
The true test of any method is do we never drink again, find serenity with a sober life, and eventually die sober. Life will dump on you from time to time. If your method is strong enough to withstand the loss of a spouse child job marriage etc cetera then it is a program for you.
I have found that staying quit is the hard part because of the combinations and permutations that life throws at you.
I have found that staying quit is the hard part because of the combinations and permutations that life throws at you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
"Powerlessness" always turned me off too. If I agreed with that statement - for me, it would be a license to drink. I have no idea why this last time worked for me after years of trying and only making it a few days at most but it did and I am thankful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 223
I can relate to what you are saying eco not that I have ever attended AA.
I quit for 15 months on my own but have been back drinking for the last 14 months.
It is the resistance to stopping that is the biggest factor for me, that feeling is so exhausting.
I quit for 15 months on my own but have been back drinking for the last 14 months.
It is the resistance to stopping that is the biggest factor for me, that feeling is so exhausting.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Great to have you back, azureseas. It sounds like those last 14 months have been a trial. You've done it before, so you know you can do it again. Do you have a plan about quitting?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 223
thanks freshstart, I have been doing a lot of seeking toward mindfulness but this is the one area that I choose to ignore. Its been a while since I visited here, I appreciate your reply.
It seems that AVRT is mentioned a lot now, I never did read Rational Recovery but started reading online. I am going to order it. I know I don't want to go on like this, not that its super bad, my usual trick is a bottle of wine after work around 3 or 4 times a week. But I know it contributes toward a low grade depression and is a combination of habit and self medication. Its like I am living a half life that I am not happy with, I get through the day but thats it. I want to thrive and that fricken 'voice' is already stopping me from declaring that I will stop today, he is such an ahole
It seems that AVRT is mentioned a lot now, I never did read Rational Recovery but started reading online. I am going to order it. I know I don't want to go on like this, not that its super bad, my usual trick is a bottle of wine after work around 3 or 4 times a week. But I know it contributes toward a low grade depression and is a combination of habit and self medication. Its like I am living a half life that I am not happy with, I get through the day but thats it. I want to thrive and that fricken 'voice' is already stopping me from declaring that I will stop today, he is such an ahole
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 382
I know AA isn't for me, but I also know that all my previous attempts have failed.
I'm about to start a recovery program which doesn't particularly follow any set 'way'. You have to take responsibility for your own recovery. It's a place to go to any day and choose what I want to take part in and what I don't...i'm glad I've got into somewhere like this.
I'm about to start a recovery program which doesn't particularly follow any set 'way'. You have to take responsibility for your own recovery. It's a place to go to any day and choose what I want to take part in and what I don't...i'm glad I've got into somewhere like this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
The only thing I know is when they say everyone is different. It's true. I know a number of people who had trouble with alcohol. Me included. One friend physically and emotionally battles it almost everyday. She can quit but it ain't easy for her no matter what she does. Then I have a family member who just up and quit and that was the end of it. Over 40 years ago. I asked him if it was hard and he said oh at first but then it passed. Said it like he was talking about a cold.
I'm kind of like him. I think I'm just lucky. It was more a bad habit and me just not really caring all that much. Until it got to the point when I did care.
I don't have to work to hard on not drinking but I definitely need to work on being the best me. Much easier to do when I don't drink. Almost impossible if I do.
Just my opinion but I do think it is harder for some people. I have no idea why. Ain't fair but it just seems that way. I just hope everyone finds what works for them.
I'm kind of like him. I think I'm just lucky. It was more a bad habit and me just not really caring all that much. Until it got to the point when I did care.
I don't have to work to hard on not drinking but I definitely need to work on being the best me. Much easier to do when I don't drink. Almost impossible if I do.
Just my opinion but I do think it is harder for some people. I have no idea why. Ain't fair but it just seems that way. I just hope everyone finds what works for them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Powerlessness chased me for years. I didn't know any different, it was what I was taught in rehab and for years I went to meetings where it, along with being broken and one day at a time, was drilled into my head. For 8 years I faithfully attended meetings, terrified if I didn't I would drink again.
After 8 years I couldn't take it any longer so for five years I set out on my own but the powerless mantra stuck firmly in my head and after 13 years I started drinking again.
It was with great self loathing and feeling completely defeated I joined SR and was welcome with open arms. Suddenly I understood that what had hounded me for so long was, in fact, a lie and I am absolutely not powerless that the truth is, I am VERY POWERFUL.
I set down my last drink my first night here, midway through my introduction thread. For good. Done.
The next day, I went to the AVRT site and completed the crash course and ordered the book which was great but I already knew I would never drink again and I would never change my mind.
I still sometimes find myself amazed that I went for years and years believing alcohol was more powerful then me. Coming here and finding out what I innately knew but eluded me for years was priceless. Absolutely priceless.
After 8 years I couldn't take it any longer so for five years I set out on my own but the powerless mantra stuck firmly in my head and after 13 years I started drinking again.
It was with great self loathing and feeling completely defeated I joined SR and was welcome with open arms. Suddenly I understood that what had hounded me for so long was, in fact, a lie and I am absolutely not powerless that the truth is, I am VERY POWERFUL.
I set down my last drink my first night here, midway through my introduction thread. For good. Done.
The next day, I went to the AVRT site and completed the crash course and ordered the book which was great but I already knew I would never drink again and I would never change my mind.
I still sometimes find myself amazed that I went for years and years believing alcohol was more powerful then me. Coming here and finding out what I innately knew but eluded me for years was priceless. Absolutely priceless.
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