I am worried my mom, an addict, has relapsed
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 3
I am worried my mom, an addict, has relapsed
Really grateful to find this message board. Really hope to find support here.
I am 27 yrs old. My mother has been addicted to anything you can become addicted to, for most of her life. I did not know about it until I was around 21. She was using xanax, pain killers, marijuana, and who knows what else. 3 years ago we put her into rehab.
She then moved alone to the other side of the country (from NY to FL) as she could no longer afford to live in NY. When she came to visit me earlier this year, I walked in on her totally drugged up. Sent her back to rehab. And this time I went for a week as well, to a Family Therapy Program, to learn about enabling and codependency. I have since pulled away, and basically told her she is on her own and that I have no control over this, and I will not enable her anymore. But I am having trouble learning if/when I should ever become involved.
We used to be extremely close, and the idea of her moving to FL was very difficult for both of us. She used to call me every few days. But recently she calls once every 2 weeks. I am terrified she is distancing herself because she is using. She has not done any of the things she was supposed to do after rehab, like go to meetings, or outpatient. Which is another huge reason I have removed myself from this addiction.
I meet with her when I am in FL, but I stay out of her addiction. I don't question her. It's her life. If she ever wants to bring it up with me, than I am all ears. But if she is going to be sneaky and lie, I would rather not waste my time.
Do you think I should pick up the phone and ask her? Or should I be continuing to practice detachment? I am having trouble determining just HOW detached I should be.
Please help..
-Worried Daughter
I am 27 yrs old. My mother has been addicted to anything you can become addicted to, for most of her life. I did not know about it until I was around 21. She was using xanax, pain killers, marijuana, and who knows what else. 3 years ago we put her into rehab.
She then moved alone to the other side of the country (from NY to FL) as she could no longer afford to live in NY. When she came to visit me earlier this year, I walked in on her totally drugged up. Sent her back to rehab. And this time I went for a week as well, to a Family Therapy Program, to learn about enabling and codependency. I have since pulled away, and basically told her she is on her own and that I have no control over this, and I will not enable her anymore. But I am having trouble learning if/when I should ever become involved.
We used to be extremely close, and the idea of her moving to FL was very difficult for both of us. She used to call me every few days. But recently she calls once every 2 weeks. I am terrified she is distancing herself because she is using. She has not done any of the things she was supposed to do after rehab, like go to meetings, or outpatient. Which is another huge reason I have removed myself from this addiction.
I meet with her when I am in FL, but I stay out of her addiction. I don't question her. It's her life. If she ever wants to bring it up with me, than I am all ears. But if she is going to be sneaky and lie, I would rather not waste my time.
Do you think I should pick up the phone and ask her? Or should I be continuing to practice detachment? I am having trouble determining just HOW detached I should be.
Please help..
-Worried Daughter
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
I would not bring it up until she does. Asking will not help and if using she will most likely lie about it. Personal experience with that myself. I would lie if I was drinking.
I can understand you are worried but asking her question about using will not help. Just be there for her and try to be a friend and a daughter. Its all that you can do.
I can understand you are worried but asking her question about using will not help. Just be there for her and try to be a friend and a daughter. Its all that you can do.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,751
to SR! You are right to detach from your mom. There's only so much you can do for her and it sounds like you've done it. It's totally up to her now. I wouldn't ask her questions either if she'll just lie about it. Better not to bring it up unless she does.We have a friends and family forum you might be interested in. Here's a link.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 1,052
Originally Posted by Lovingdaughter8 
Do you think I should pick up the phone and ask her?
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