animalnurse9

Have drunk 1-2 bottles of wine every night this week. I want to stop.done nothing about it. Trying to hide from life in booze.its ruining everything though.

ScottFromWI

On your last day 1 you suggested that perhaps you hadn't fully accepted that you cannot drink. Is that still the case? If so noting will change until you accept that. Perhaps it's time to look at a more formal recovery/rehab/detox program?

FeenixxRising

I agree with Scott. Accepting deep down to your very soul that you cannot drink is crucial.

Get back on the sober train and try again. You will eventually get it.

Mentium

It can be hard to put the brakes on and to make that first step. You need a decision and some determination. It doesn't just happen.

..but it is worth it! The booze tells you it isn't, but really, really - it is!

MidnightBlue

Hi, Animalnurse9.

Sorry to hear that.

If you are drinking now, then stop now.

I do understand the feeling when life seems to be so unbearable that you want to hide from it doesn't matter how and at what expense.

But you know the score - it doesn't help.

You need some plan, extra help. Stop hiding - start fighting for your life, for your future.

Make the first step now. Just in faith. Don't worry about tomorrow, about people around you, narrow your focus on sobriety, put on blinders.

And when tomorrow comes start making plan how to save your sobriety, so it can save you.

Please, take it seriously this time.

Take care of yourself

GhostFace

I put my sobriety first before anything. At first I thought I would have a unsociable but now im more outgoing and happier than ever.

You have to give sobriety a chance. 39 days today and im never looking back.

Peace be upon you. ..

Hawkeye13

I agree with the above posters.

Nothing changed with my drinking habits until I changed no matter how much I BS'd myself I wanted to quit.

I realized I could no longer drink, and it was a bitter pill at first. Quitting is hard work and takes commitment to yourself. But don't you deserve it?

Spinach

Can't live with it ,can't find a way to live the same life but without it.
It's a different life you might want to start planning whilst counting those first few days and drinking hot chocolate reading books watching DVD's and getting an early night.
I failed so many times by just starting of drinking with the same attitude then struggling through the not drinking, once I made it the goal to not drink and find my life in the remnants of mu other life ,I realised I was the same person but the life I needed around me was so different. You'll get there and you can have a couple of months before Christmas!!
John

animalnurse9

I always say to myself, just one more time. Its like I'm scared to be without it because I don't want to be miserable. But in saying that I'm miserable now with it. Rehab etc isn't an option, I live alone, too many bills and too much work to be done. I was doing so well before. I just wanted to b able to drink with my boyfriend. And then my drinking ruined everything between us and instead of stopping in drinking more. So freakin frustrated

HonestlyTrying

I couldn't do it without help. I boozed and toked for 33 years, thought I had it under control, but when I tried to stop on my own I thought I was going crazy! I made it 2 whole days and called a treatment center, checked myself into outpatient and have never looked back. I am now 13 months clean and sober. I couldn't do it alone, and even the extreme shame of being an ALCOHOLIC did not deter me. I am so glad I got help. I have no idea if I would even be alive had I not asked for help.

Anna

As others have said, you need to fully accept that drinking is no longer an option, ever.

Then, your mind starts to find new and healthy ways to deal with life.

Make a plan and keep reading and posting.

FourSeasons

Hi AnimalNurse - You can stop if you really want it. Remember this post you wrote back in May? Do you remember how good you felt back then? It is important for you to remember... Don't give up giving up!
--

"hey all - update :-)
Well still sober, was six weeks yesterday.no cravings at the moment. Its weird to think I couldn't even drive from point a to point b without stopping for wine and now I hardly think of it. I resigned from my job on wed after another bullying session. Just couldn't cope anymore.spent 6 years there and almost 10 vet nursing, and I'm done! Have had two interviews for a gym job and another on Tues. I'll b taking a pay cut so can't afford to drink even if I wanted to so that's good ( ???? ) lol!! I don't know, I know I sound perky but I'm incredibly stressed and a lonely, but I can see light now rather than just a black abyss of nothing, so that's pretty cool.hope everyone's ok? Chur. Xx

EndGameNYC

I don't know how to stop drinking on my own.

When I first got sober about thirty years ago, I was terrified at what drinking was doing to me and my life. I'd never been that scared before. I had to go to AA or live a life in constant terror. I worked the AA Big Book Twelve Steps and didn't drink for twenty five years, the last ten without the support of AA. When I relapsed for three years, there was nothing that could scare me sober...not ill health...not losing my job, my family, my self respect, or my life. I only stopped when I could no longer function without assistance. I had nothing left to lose, no place else to go and no one else to talk to.

One guy who's life is falling apart commented here that he couldn't stop drinking until the Red Sox win the World Series, that this is the most important thing in his life.

A woman wrote that she can't stop now, what with all the social responsibilities and the holidays coming up...Her life is also in the schitter.

I lost everything and everyone dear to me well before I stopped, and that wasn't enough. My heart was broken, my body frail and my soul out of commission. I drank so much that I no longer cared. Not everyone has to do the same.

animalnurse9

Thanku for ur posts and help. Thanku for quoting my may post, seems like such a long time ago at least things were changing for the better though. I started seeing a counselor last Thursday and I loved it.but I know it will take time. Tonight I have a plan, DVDs food and my mum is going to call to check on me. I feel somewhat hopeful tonight.but still scared.

Creekryder

Alcohol is like a relationship that is built on pure physical pleasure. The depth of this relationship has little value except for a "feel good" experience that diminishes over time. At that time it is replaced with the dependency that we still label as pleasurable. The hangovers, guilt, and shame we experience are eroded as the day progresses, only to be repeated with the tainted thoughts that tonight, it will be good. Then the cycle continues unabated, until we realize the fallacy of our thinking and make the conscious decision to break the cycle. That, of course, is the pinnacle all addicts must challenge and conquer.

w2r

I am drinking tonight.
I feel like crap because I was doing so well. I will quit!
Life happens.
I am learning. I am a victim of circumstance. I would not be drinking by choice.
My first day in 30 years of not drinking was aug 19.
slipped a couple of times.
Still improving except tonight.
I will win!

So will you

Don't despair.

Celebrate that you are here and you will
win!!!!!!


Set backs will happen. but... we are here
and we will
win!

ejackson

I understand how you feel, and it's difficult to come to terms with never drinking again. I personally find that overwhelming, so I just decide day-by-day that I will not drink today. This is much more manageable, I have found.

Do what you can do, right now, not to drink.

instant

Leave forever for another time. Ifyou have not done so already reading about AVRT / rational recovery may help.

Feeling better was always a trap for me, getting a clean day one was a major achievement.