Jenn80

Hi all, I have been lurking on this site since July and its time for me to share... I have yet to have anything more than 30 days of sobriety (alcohol is drug of choice). I am a binge drinker, can go for days without drinking and I usually don't drink alone, but when I do I drink 6-10 drinks in a short period of time. I know I have a problem as it has affected my relationship with my boyfriend in the past yet when I get together with people I just can't stay away from drinks when offered and I usually get drunk and over emotional and get in fights and hurt people I don't mean to. I need to hold some accountability to my self, posting here will be one of many ways. Its ironic since by boyfriend himself cant drink for some time as he will be on antibiotics for a long time so one would think this would be the perfect time to quit. How do I get the courage to say no to the drink? I love the feeling of the 2-3rd drink buzz but the hangovers are getting old. I also have social anxiety and become withdrawn in situations without the alcohol lubricant...sorry that this is long...looking for support on day one AGAIN.... thanks

Toffee1

I know what you mean about the hangovers! There is no easy way to quit. But you have to want to do it. If you do you will get loads of advice and support here. My bit of advice would be to stop associating alcohol with a good time. You can have great times WITHOUT alcohol. You need to give sobriety a real chance to show you what life can be like. But a real chance. That may mean staying low for a while but if you don't give it a go you will never know. I hope you keep posting . Good luck

LadyBlue0527

Hi Jenn,

You've come to a great place that has a lot of support to help you. There's a lot of information on recovery programs and reading through the threads will be helpful. You've made a great decision.

As hard as it can be it really does come down to this. At all times the choice to be sober has to always override drinking. That's what I think is the hardest because making the decision to quit is one thing. Remaining honest with yourself at all times even when you start to get those urges is quite another. We like to lie to ourselves and all of a sudden things weren't really as bad as we thought. Those are the times to come here and post and ask for help and support.

You CAN do this. Life is soooooo much better without alcohol. It's tough in the beginning to see that but I promise, it gets better and will continue in that direction as long as you don't take that first drink.

So glad that you're here!

DoubleDragons

If you are a person that likes logical, reasoned arguments, then read Jason Vale's Kick the Drink . . . Easily! That book has put alcohol into a whole new perspective for me and has made it much easier to kick my AV's butt when needed.

keithj

Hi Jenn,

A few million people have gotten sober in AA, myself included. Just saying. Alcohol was my drug of no choice, meaning that I kept picking it up in spite of making firm, serious decisions not to. I played that game for years, getting worse instead of better.

All of that ended when I became willing to do what was suggested in AA's program of recovery. It's worked for a lot of people.

serious

welcome.

you've made the right choice.
if there was an easy answer to your question: "how to quit for good?", we probably wouldn't have SR.

yet the answer is easy "do not drink!". however the process is not simple by any means. let this be the first day of your journey through sober life.

in time you'll notice that your anxiety and the love of the "buzz" will start to diminish. not to say that life will be always easy... you just won't have to deal with hangovers, wasted money, poor health, shame, guilt, and all these other "wonderful" feelings that alcohol brings into our life.

Jenn80

I know quitting is something that I want before it ruins my health or before I hurt anyone else....just easier said than done...im sure you've all heard it all--but there is no excuse. I guess in a way it makes me sad that I can never be a "normal" drinker

serious

it only makes you sad now. and actually it's not you who is sad, it's "the beast", the AV (addictive voice) that is really sad.

you know perfectly well what needs to be done. there's nothing normal about drinking. just like there's nothing normal about doing other illegal drugs. just because alcohol is so socially acceptable (and legal) doesn't take away from the fact that it's one of the worst, nastiest, addictive and life-threatening substances out there.

there is no "normal drinking".

freshstart57

You need to address this sadness and move beyond it. Acceptance that you no longer drink is how I did it. I am relieved to be free of alcohol for ever, and any sadness I have about drinking is that I did it for so long and hurt so many people.

0percentABV

This too is what I wanted and tried so hard to be one but it never worked. I loved that initial 3 beer buzz and though there were times I could hold back at just that I craved more and a lot of the time I stopped holding back and caved. Eventually I HAD to stop. I hit a rock bottom and knew that this is it, the end of the line. At first I was sad about it. Sad that I couldn't do it, sad that I wasn't strong enough, sad that I can never drink again. But you know after the first month, a month filled with research on alcoholism, a month working out in the gym, a month at home with my wife and kids, a month of reflection, a month of detoxing, a month of becoming a new person I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. And then my frown started to turn upside down (har har har). Instead of feeling down about the whole thing I felt I was given a new lease on life. Like a slate was wiped clean. Instead of the glass half empty it was now half full. Like I had a full glass before but half if it was booze and the ill effects it had on my life. Now that was gone. I now had half a glass to fill with whatever I wanted. Booze was such a waste of space in my life. Yeah, I don't go to parties anymore or really go out with friends for that matter but you know, I wake up bright eyed and refreshed EVERY single morning, even when I'm under the weather and heck without alcohol weakening my immune system I don't get sick very often. And I go out in different ways now. I take epic bike rides at 5 in the morning. Holy wow!

Long story short this sadness will pass and with the right recovery program, whichever works best for you but you have to have some sort of plan, you'll find doors opening in yourself that were held shut by drinking. I never want to drink again. I feel too good to ruin it. You will too. You just have to quit.

ScottFromWI

It did make me sad initially that I couldn't be a "normal" drinker too, but drinking makes me even sadder, sicker and less of a person. Within sobriety you will find eventually that there is a whole entire world that you were missing on out though, either because you were too drunk or too obsessed with getting drunk.

Life is what you make of it, and you are much more apt to make a good life sober. Embrace yourself, your health and those around you and move forward knowing that you have made an excellent choice.

LadyBlue0527

Jenn,

I have often said that one wish that I have is if I could just show someone what it's like once you get past the extreme early stages.

I was in the very same place as you back in May. Ugh, how could I quit drinking? What am I going to do every weekend? What am I going to do about all my friends that I drink with? I'm not going to be able to do X, and X, and X. Holidays! NO, how will I survive them????

Then the morning of May 27th came and I realized that what was far more important than all of the things above was my life. I'm not even saying that my health was in danger at that point. It's how I was living. It was who I had become as a person and the damage that I was doing to people and to myself. I made the decision and never looked back.

Here's what I've found. I don't like drinking nearly as much as I thought I did. Being out with friends getting drunk wasn't nearly as fun as I thought it was. The benefits that I get from having accountability are far superior to any evening that I had that I thought was great when I drank. I'm the same person now when I leave a party as when I got there. I actually enjoy seltzer water with a wedge of lime and a swizzle stick. I have looked at people many times and thought "I'm so thankful that's not me anymore".

I thought that I was going to become this boring person who no one was going to hang out with. On the contrary, my life now means more and is far more fulfilling than it ever was when I was drinking.

Sobriety can be enjoyed. It's not a life sentence, as much as at this very moment for you it appears that way. It's amazing, incredible, and awesome. It's a lot of hard work and worth every moment of it. The beginning might be tough but the benefits that are coming outweigh that.

Urges that are strong eventually become fleeting. The thought that you don't drink goes from weighing on your mind to being a passing thought. You find your sobriety legs and your self esteem returns.

I really wish there was a way that I could let you be me for a day and know that the above is true but all that I can give you are words.

I've regretted drinking before but I've never regretted not drinking

dwtbd

From my own experiences and reflecting on them from a more mindful position, now thank god. What sticks out for me in your OP is the 2-3 buzz and loving of it. I loved that point in the night too, but I miss identified it at the time , or just chose not to look at it then.
I see now that my response to that point in drinking was not that 2 drinks into a gathering made the people more enjoyable or the night more fun somehow, but that was the level that triggered an anticipation of more. If I were really in love with that buzz , that would be where I would stop , right? My wife is a wine drinker , she enjoys 2-3 glasses when she drinks and well that's it, believe me I could never get that, no way the night's over kinda thing for me , every night practically.
I see now that I was anticipating more alcohol consumption and that was where the enjoyment was coming from, like the feeling of 'vacation mode' , you know the car ride to the beach when everyone is happy , not the mood on the ride home .
Again just my experience but something about what you said there struck a cord with me. I now identify that 'love of that buzz' as a dangerous warning sign that I should have heeded long ago. Because that point was never the 'enough' point, I don't think I ever had an 'enough point'.
wish you well

hellomynameis

There is book that I really like - if you are a book person - it is called "Living Sober". I think the thing for me that has been hard, being sober, is that I have to realign my social life to a new pathway. This means less time at bars (no time actually). And being really really careful where I go if it means I will be tempted to drink. I think the trick is, like has been said, you have to want it bad enough to change everything. And I really had to relearn how to be social in a way that didn't involve "social lube" because for me it was a slippery slope

AlefVavResh

That made me sad during my first go at sobriety. Eventually picked up that "just one glass" and four years later back to square one. . . . But, you know, this time around, I'm not longing for those days. And I'm glad it is black and white as far as not taking that first drink. Makes the decision easier. And now I see life so differently I wish everyone was a wanna-be-sober-drunk so I could share it with them

Welcome!